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Just want to skip Christmas

R

reedjos08

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It’s the night before the night before Christmas and I’m just not feeling the Christmas spirit. Recently I’ve felt I’m on the up mood wise but that’s kind of dissipated. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve travelled to Liverpool for the Holidays and I don’t feel at home or just because I’m in a bad mood. I’ve been snapping at others, not wanting to talk to others or get in the spirit of things. I just don’t care. I really wish I could just skip this, go home and pretend nothing happened.

Christmas is a holiday I’ve never cared for. I get the presents but I don’t like hanging out with my family, it’s not that I dislike them, it’s just I don’t do the whole happy go lucky Christmas spirit though commercialism and escapism. For one day of the year we get together and we give people stuff. Why? I mean companies make a crap tone, but besides that why do we need one day? Why can’t we just appreciate each other every day, why do we need one day to get together and sit around a tree singing fucking Christmas Carols?

I know I’m a downer but most of the time I don’t care for Christmas because I don’t do well with others, but this time it’s because I just don’t give a damn. I don’t feel up to it, I’m tired of people telling me to be happy when a) there’s not reason to be and 2) even if there was, even if my life wasn’t in the shit, even if I wasn’t alone even if I wasn’t going nowhere with my life, actually screw it, BECAUSE of those things, I can’t just be happy because I’m not, because I’m depressed, because I can’t be happy and honestly I don’t deserve it right now.

I’ve sat on my ass paralyzed to do work or anything productive. I get myself down, I say things I don’t mean to others and my best friend hasn’t talked to me in weeks because I was shitty with her. I want to apologize but the last time I did that I came off as even worse and fucked it all up again. I’m just done, I want this to be over so I can go home and retreat to my room. I can’t bear to face my friends because soon they’ll go back to their unis and I’ll be left alone again. Fuck this shit, fuck it all. I just want to go back a few years, get my shit together then and actually do something with my fucking life.


But no, I’m an A level and College drop out with no qualifications, no skills and no fucking future or drive for one. No friends, no girlfriend, no job no fucking nothing. Merry fucking Christmas. Aren’t I just the best scrooge. I don’t care. I have so little that really the only reason I’m not suicidal is because I would never have the courage to end it, hell suicide doesn’t even cross my mind ever because a) I’m incapable of it and b) I’m an atheist so I believe even this is better than death. Nothing of importance or substance or any joy is better than nothing at all. Emptiness is better than whatever the hell not existing is.
 
R

Roadfool

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Things will change, they always do... At least that's what I keep telling myself.

Seriously though, it does sound like you're just going through the motions and eventually you'll sort yourself out. I know I've been in a similar situation in the past, and things are certainly better now.

Chin up pal, Christmas will soon be gone... It is crap, you're right about that!
 
Mayfair

Mayfair

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Jun 12, 2010
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I think Christmas is difficult for many people is because it's something completely out of our hands.

If one's wish was to avoid Christmas entirely, it would be only even nearly possible if on a deserted island for 3 months per year (never entirely possible because you'd be thinking about why you were there, whilst on it for those months).

Not an option for any one I've ever known.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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You sound like a young me. I dropped out sixth form then college followed down a destructive road for awhile. I then got a good career I worked up to but the decided it wasn't for me. I now do a job I enjoy...

What I'm trying to say I guess is youre not alone, keep at it and youll find something along the way once you're ready :) I used to hate Xmas too, but its all about the kids and that's what gets me excited now.
 
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