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Just want to be wasted all day long

TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

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Sep 5, 2019
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On The Train
I am trying to quit drinking and take my medications as prescribed but sometimes I am overwhelmed by the bad feelings and I just want to feel wasted all day and drink and watch funny youtube videos. I don't bother anyone. Why is it such a bad thing? Can't I have rest for a few hours from my torment?
 
C

celticlass

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May 7, 2011
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609
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Scotland
Are you craving it maybe? When you say you are tormented by bad feelings is that just the excuse to lift the bottle maybe? Whichever it is, when that feeling hits you in the real AA world you would phone your sponsor or a fellow AA and talk about it. 9/10 times you would decide not to drink. This was one of the reasons I did not get it at first, because I was to stubborn and proud to make the call. You could of course also take self to a meeting when feeling that way. You need to remember that you have escaped into the bottle for a long time to avoid dealing with life. You are likely not too good at that irrespective of any illness, Coming back to sobriety means you are going to learn day to day coping skills - you will learn them quicker in the company of others who have gone before you. well done for not drinking.
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

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Thank you CelticLass. I did look at 12 step programs in my area but they are all called something different I don't know where to start.
 
frisas45

frisas45

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Mar 22, 2019
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South Korea
Thank you CelticLass. I did look at 12 step programs in my area but they are all called something different I don't know where to start.
Which mental disorders are you having? What traumatic events you went through? If you can talk to a therapist, that might help. You can also take Prozac, which can bring you a state of happiness. You don't need to drink. Sorry for this poor advice.
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

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I have PTSD, generalized anxiety and depression. I had a lot of stuff happen through the years. I was molested as a kid by my uncle and my father who one day died of a heart attack in front of me. My mother told me she wished I had never been born. I was sexually assaulted at 15. I joined the military where I barely missed being killed by a rocket blast. I saw dead and dying people. I was stalked by two men there, one who threatened to rape me. I asked for help and it turned out he was under investigation for stalking and rape of another woman. It took them a long to make progress with that case though so they let him still work.

I was in two abusive marriages where they told me they would kill me and would abuse me. The last marriage he tried to drive me crazy and would gaslight me and jump out from corners to scare me for fun. He threatened me with a gun twice. He pointed a gun at me and said he was just practicing. I had a cancer scare and his first question was whether I had life insurance. I ran away from him one day while he was at work and I ended up in a homeless shelter where I learned who my real friends were (no one). So sometimes I drink to elevate my mood.

I am on Sertraline, Lorazepam, and Trazodone now. I see a therapist. She helps me a lot.
 
frisas45

frisas45

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Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
254
Location
South Korea
I have PTSD, generalized anxiety and depression. I had a lot of stuff happen through the years. I was molested as a kid by my uncle and my father who one day died of a heart attack in front of me. My mother told me she wished I had never been born. I was sexually assaulted at 15. I joined the military where I barely missed being killed by a rocket blast. I saw dead and dying people. I was stalked by two men there, one who threatened to rape me. I asked for help and it turned out he was under investigation for stalking and rape of another woman. It took them a long to make progress with that case though so they let him still work.

I was in two abusive marriages where they told me they would kill me and would abuse me. The last marriage he tried to drive me crazy and would gaslight me and jump out from corners to scare me for fun. He threatened me with a gun twice. He pointed a gun at me and said he was just practicing. I had a cancer scare and his first question was whether I had life insurance. I ran away from him one day while he was at work and I ended up in a homeless shelter where I learned who my real friends were (no one). So sometimes I drink to elevate my mood.

I am on Sertraline, Lorazepam, and Trazodone now. I see a therapist. She helps me a lot.
Man, that's lot for you to handle! Hope you're okay now. I think you should take Prozac to subdue the pain. It can give you the happiness, relaxation, and decrease of anxiety. I took them before and it went like that. Add that with Olanzapine and it might do even better!

And about the abusive marriages, I had the same fear bad marriages. So I don't plan to marry. If you went through so much pain, don't marry. But I want to let you know that not everyone is abusive. Try not look for men who is not abused, nor has a short temper. He needs to control his temper well.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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Jun 11, 2017
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2,405
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Somewhere out there
Thank you CelticLass. I did look at 12 step programs in my area but they are all called something different I don't know where to start.
Pretty much all 12 step programs are the same.Whether it's Cocaine anonymous,narcotics anonymous,alcoholics anonymous,etc. they are all based on the same principles so as long as you start somewhere it doesn't really matter.They all deal with some type of addiction so the concept is basically the same.
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

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On The Train
Thanks! I am concerned with what I read, 12 steps doesn't seem to be for me.
 
Q

Quiet1962

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Nov 26, 2019
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5
Location
Sussex
I am trying to quit drinking and take my medications as prescribed but sometimes I am overwhelmed by the bad feelings and I just want to feel wasted all day and drink and watch funny youtube videos. I don't bother anyone. Why is it such a bad thing? Can't I have rest for a few hours from my torment?
[/Q
 
Q

Quiet1962

Member
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Nov 26, 2019
Messages
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Location
Sussex
Feel the same mostly. Being conscious is too painful so I drop out /drink and dream of fading away.
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

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On The Train
Hi Quiet, I hope you are getting help too. I get help but I have my moments.
 
Q

Quiet1962

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Nov 26, 2019
Messages
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Sussex
Hi Quiet, I hope you are getting help too. I get help but I have my moments.
Yes the help is there but I find ways to avoid or sabotage it because I am not sure about being helped? I think its society that needs help to not see everyone as ill because it costs values upon us we cant relate to.
 
daffy

daffy

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Wow Tulip that some shit you’ve been thru. I’m not surprised your in a state but it does sound as if your self medicating with alcohol. Have you ever had any therapy for what you’ve been thru including the military because I thought they may offer you some help. But i could be wrong. I dont think just meds are going to get you thru this i really think you need trauma therapy. I’m just going thru it at the moment and its not easy but my actions over the last few years are becoming understandable
If you can get some help then maybe the drinking could be cut down :hug:
 
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