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Just venting

chazxxx

chazxxx

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 1, 2015
Messages
744
I think I'm just looking to vent somewhere more than anything. I've been depressed before and I feel like I can recognise that I'm slipping back there. I'm just so miserable and fed up with my life at the moment. I'm trying to ignore it and not think about, well anything really. I feel frustrated with my own position in life. Not going anywhere and just getting older. Those feelings of self doubt, worthless and hopelessness all seeping back in. The thing is they are justified feelings. I'm just trying to not think about them.

I know I'm rambling, maybe I should just get to the things that are bothering me at the moment. I'm nearly 25. I'm in nearly 8 grand debt (which seems to just be building up) that pretty much snowballed up to that figure after trying to do a nice thing for a friend. I've been unemployed for about 3 months (which has increased my debt) finally got a new job but not earning nearly enough. My friend just got a job that she knew I wanted. She said she didn't know what she was applying for (which I think she's lying because she knew I wanted that job) I applied for that job last year and didn't get it, I was going to reapply when there was a new vacancy. Pisses me off because im just getting nowhere. I have a degree and I'm still getting nowhere. She's rude, she got a disaplinary at work for being rude to customers and yet she gets that job in customer service!!! At my old job this @!#$ got promoted into the office even though she literally made up lies about me to get me in the #@$! With the office when she did those things she said I did! Like what the hell?? I just want a position I deserve, i want a career and it's just not happening. People are hiring people like this. I genuinely am fed up with it now. I'm fed up of the rejection. And i don't just mean job wise. I've been single 4/5 years since my ex had a 3sum with 2 of my friends n god knows who else. Even down to when I was at school, my friend was never happy with me she wanted better, popular. Everyone seems to not want me or want better, leave me or the ones that dont (family, parents) are just always dissapointed by me. And you know what I am too. I suppose part of my problem at the minute is that I just don't care. I'm dissapointed n depressed about what I don't have but in the grand scheme I don't really want anything anyway. I don't want a house n Morgage, i don't want a partner/husband, i don't want kids. I don't want anything. I don't particularly want to be here at all. The only reason I am here is because I know no matter how much I do dissapoint my parents they'd still rather I was here than wasn't. So I'm just floating through a miserable life for nothing.

I'm not looking for anyone to "cheer me up" tell me "it'll get better, "i'm only young", "you'll get the job you want eventually", "get some hobbies" or even my fav that the doc said "get some exercise", i don't want advice either, I just wanted to vent really and if anything someone that can relate.

Suppose that's mostly what's bothering me at the minute though, my non existent career and spiraling debt. I really need to get my pet an operation that I can't afford, and feeling guilty for it. An maybe it's just affected my thought patterns at the moment. Because it just seems like there's a common theme. Life sucks, it's always going to suck. I feel like my whole life has been misery with only very small moments of joy. Just really fed up with that pattern. I always believe that people create their own opportunities and you have to go get what you want, actively persue things. But I've tried all that crap. For some reason it just seems like I'm destined for crap (and I don't even believe in destiny or fate or anything!).

nothing like a nice bit of self pity huh?
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
36,291
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
sorry this is too long for me to read right now xx just wanted to say its good to vent sometimes i know it helps me to get things off my chest xx welcome to the forum love from fairy lu xx
 
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