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C

cagedinCT

Member
Joined
Nov 2, 2009
Messages
5
Location
CT
i'm pat
i am 18 and lately seem to be having some problems.i have always been a kid with some problems.i'm short,skinny,don't look my age,very picky eater and other things.but i never let it get to me.i would always think positive and am usually a happy kid.but lately starting this summer i've kinda went downhill.
around the end of summer i started feeling like i wasn';t the same.i would be happy one second and then feel down the next.but i could never admit i was a depressed person.i still don't want to now. there would be other times also where i would be really motivated to do things and then randomely not want to do them at all.like before typing this i almost tried not to do it.
i also have just had a lack of motivation towards anything. all the things i loved to do i can't get into as much.i still love to do them but it isn't the same.the only times i'm really happy is when i'm around my friends or family.it's like when i'm with them all my sadness and bad mood goes away.but right when i get home i go back to feeling bad and alone.
it's just crazy.my decision making is all messed up.my mood can constantly change.i sometimes will say the weirdest things or do the dumbest things in front of my friends,and right after i say or do them i'll regret it and be like"why did i do that".even right now it's hard for me to write,i have soo many things i want to say.my mind constantly wanders at night.a lot of times i feel like i have insomnia becuase i just stay up almost every night thinking.
there are a lot of other problems i have like i can't see a good future for me.i have no idea what i'm doin in life.also lately all the things in my life i should of been depressed about at the time they happened,i'm depressed about now.it's like all these things i've been holding in my whole life are all hitting me now.and it sucks because once i egt over them then i have to go back to my original set fo problems.it's like no matter what i'm always going to have something to feel down about.and it really sucks.
i haven't yet gone into see a doctor to actually see if i am bipolar.i haven't even talked to my parents really.it's hard enough trying to convince myself i might be.i never really thought about it til today when i looked into it and realized i had a lot of similar symtoms.i feel though like i can help myself.like i know what i can do to help myself get or atleast feel somewhat better.it's just some of those things aren't available.
thanks to anyone who reads this.getting it all out has actually sort of made me feel better for the time being.i want to seek more help but it seems like kind of a big step.so i just wanted to get out to people who are going through the same thing and hear what they say.i'm not a suicidal person at all and i've never harmed myself.i've never even thought of the idea.but i'm scared that if i don't do anything i might become one.and that is one of my biggest fears.especially because winter is coming up and that is the most depressing season for me.

thankyou for your time and help.
 
trombone_babe

trombone_babe

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 15, 2009
Messages
1,191
Location
Kent
Hi, :welcome: to the forum. I'm not an expert or anything but it sounds to me like you have some sort of depressive illness, be it depression, bipolar or whatever. Perhaps now you've got it all written down you could print your post and take it to your GP, it might be easier than trying to tell him or even remember it all!

Keep posting if it helps, we're a friendly lot and we understand what it's like. :)
 
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