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Just started new job, gone off sick and ? going to hand notice in.

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grace68

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May 12, 2009
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yorkshire
I have worked part-time as a nurse for 20 years now. I have bipolar disorder so I have had a tough time with lots of sickness absences. I am in a really difficult situation right now, and I'm feeling quite desperate about it. I came off meds last summer, and was convinced that THIS time I would be ok. Why do I never, ever learn? I've just got myself a new job in a very local day hospice, was so relieved that my hospital nursing days were over. Just two weeks into my new job, I'm off sick. I was struggling from the outset. My start had already been delayed due to my son's health, then when I tried to start just before Christmas I was sent off sick as I was so stressed. I never told my new bosses about my bipolar, they thought I just had situational stress.Had 2 weeks off, then restarted 7th January. Since then, I felt increasingly paranoid and panicky at work, with a lot of sleep disruption and tearfulness at home. On Wednesday morning I got my husband to ring in sick for me. He told them outright about my bipolar, and I will have to go in and face up to my two managers. They were good about my initial situation, but a comment was made by the senior manager that she would be struggling if the situation went on for any length of time. I only needed 2 weeks as my son's surgery test results were good. Now, I'm likely to need much more time off, and I'm in a very small team of 4 nurses, so I know that I am a big problem to my new bosses. I know I've got to face them, and soon, and see what they actually have to say. But I just feel so uncomfortable with my line manager, how it'll be if I do return for my 3rd attempt at my induction period, I already felt very scrutinised before, now they know I've got bipolar I don't think they'll think I'm up to the job- you have to be very emotionally stable. I just don't want to go back, and if I'm not wanting to go back, I don't want weeks of hospice sick pay, I think I should hand in my notice now. I've always moved from one job to another, this will be my first time unemployed. I don't want to go back into hospital nursing, and I'm gutted that I will have failed at the hospice. I'm resigning myself to giving up my nursing registration, I just can't see how I'd be able to get another nursing job- I can't think of one that I'd feel capable of. I haven't slept at all these last 2 nights. I'm in a complete and utter state. (I put myself back on lithium and prozac on Tuesday, seeing pdoc tomorrow).
 
keepsafe

keepsafe

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Dec 15, 2008
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13,624
Gosh Grace, sorry you are struggling so much, it must be an awful situation for you. ((((((((hugs))))))
If you think its going to be a problem and you really don;t want to go back don't. Otherwise you could have a chat with them on the phone and see how things are? It is a tough time for you - I feel for you.

Sorry I don;t have any good advice, but be safe

Just wanted to acknowledge you

Ks
xxxx
 
G

grace68

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aww thanks ks x really appreciate your kind reply xx
 
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Sarah piper

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Jan 20, 2013
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Hi Grace. To repeat Ks , so sorry you are going through such an awful time and I'm sending hugs too Xx

I read and read posts all day long but rarely reply. I had to reply to your dilemma however because there are a couple of points you made that I worry you are overlooking and as a working mother with a diagnosis of mental health problems ( as of this morning) and having the same concerns about my position within a care company, I had to get you thinking about them. So.....
Firstly, you say you've had 20 years in nursing with absences due to bipolar. Well regardless of those absences i'm sure anyone here will say bloody well done for holding down that responsibilty and i'm sure when you are having a positive day you must be proud of that too, knowing how your illness affects you? So, I don't know how long you've been medicated but I assume they must work pretty well for you? So well in fact they convinced you that you were better and you came off them??
So my next point is you have been off them for a while and acknowledge that you do actually need them right? When you first were medicated did you feel instantly great?? Or did they take a while to do their job???? You see where this is going of course.... make NO DECISIONS TIL MEDS HAVE HAD THEIR CHANCE!
My last point is that you haven't actually had a real chance to try this job and your colleagues haven't had a chance to get to know YOU just as importantly. So the anxiety you are feeling about what you THINK they must be thinking of you is almost unfounded. You're not giving yourself a chance, not the other way around. Were you like this before when not medicated?

I have so much more to add but must get dinner on so brb xxxx
 
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Sarah piper

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Ok dinner can wait- can't get the last bits of what I wanted to say out of my head til I type them!!

Just wanted to add- I notice you said you have never been unemployed before? Please please consider how you will feel when your meds kick in again and you're at home all the time. Will you be happy being just mum and wife? Can your family survive with less income? If the answers to these are YES Then dilemma solved. Otherwise I'd honestly consider trying this job and sticking with it after explaining to management about the break you had with meds. Your 20 years in nursing is already testament that you can do the job. Or if you really are sure its not what you want to do now then ride it out while you find something else you will enjoy. Even better might be a break in employment while you take time to get yourself on a more even plato then reconsider all avenues?

So sorry if I've gone on a bit or came across opinionated- that wasn't my intention, I think i just over identified and ended up answering my own dilemma lol.

Good luck and please update your situation
Xxx
 
F

fallen

Guest
Grace,

Sorry you're going through such a hard time-no wonder you are so stressed.
I have to be honest and say that I don't know too much about bi-polar but assume that being in a stressful situation can make it worse?
Sarah may have a point about staying on meds to help you manage this.

As for your new job-is it really stressful or is it because it is a new job where you feel under pressure in workload or learning new ways of working? Have you considered doing another line of work that may be easier for you to manage alongside your bi-polar. You don't need to answer that if you don't wish to-just a couple of things that I thought you may wish to think about.

Either way, it is your decision and I'm sure if you have the right treatment for yourself, there is no reason why you shouldn't do this job if you really want to do it.
If you have any worries about how to deal with your managers, contact the mental health charity Mind who should be able to give you advice about your rights and can offer extra support.

Take care. :hug1:
 
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Rose19602

Guest
Hi,
I agree with Sarah .... you need to give yourself a break!
OK, so they know about your condition now...I get how that could play on your mind and worry you! But these people are nurses and should understand about mental health. I imagine one or two of them might be caring too if they specialise in hospice care.
You have had a very stressful period without medication in place, and maybe this "dip" was inevitable as a result. A tough lesson learned perhaps?
I would take Sarah's advice and ring the personnel manager and talk it through. Explain your concerns and why you didn't disclose your illness and try to talk through the difficulties that you are currently having.
Perhaps if you are honest and explain why you had stopped your meds and explain about the stress of your son's operation and starting a new job you can find a solution together.
You have clearly been a good employee in the past and managed to keep working despite MH difficulties. That's a real positive. There is no reason why you cannot make this position work for you and overcome any initial prejeudice. One of my cardiologists was bi-polar and I trusted him with treating me.....and if I was a patient in your hospice I would trust you too!
Just get well and try to put the thought of disapproval and bias behind you. You deserve this job and you can do it OK?

take care
x
 
G

grace68

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Messages
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Location
yorkshire
thanks sarah and fallen, i cant get my head together right now to reply properly, but i will update . my main panic is the long amount of time it takes for the meds to kick in :low: but, honestly we will be in massive financial trouble and i will find it really hard to not be working- this is my dilemma and why i'm beside myself :low:
 
S

Sarah piper

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Really hope you are ok Grace. Thinking of you Hun xxx
 
S

Sarah piper

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Jan 20, 2013
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Really hope you are ok Grace. Thinking of you Hun xxxx
 
dib4uk

dib4uk

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Jul 23, 2009
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south london,england
I try to keep my advice compacted. Please don't get offended.

1. The whole not declaring your illnesses rightly or wrongly has landed you in the proverbial mess. If you was honest they would by law give you reasonable adjustments. Like you said the likely hood of that in your career is not realistic.

2. Just because your a nurse doesn't mean your invincible. The illness does make you feel recluse. Did you reduce your medicine or just stop because you felt better ?

3. Very important, do you need the job and money ? If the answer is I need to work then perhaps find a more suitable for your requirements.

Managers sadly think alike, if you've not worked much cause of your child's illness thats different, however if it also includes your health needs they might say as your in an induction you've had time off will this happen again and for how long.

Hope you find the answers your looking for
:)
 
G

grace68

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Joined
May 12, 2009
Messages
599
Location
yorkshire
a week on, i'm still feeling wretched about the whole situation.
my manager rang me, she said i would have to go to occ health. she did seem dubious that i would be able to manage the job.
i'm still not sleeping, and am in a constant state of anxiety and depression. have no idea yet how this will ever come right. i've got an appt with a benefits advisor on tuesday. but like someone above said i am really scared of being long term ill and unemployed:low:
 
R

Rose19602

Guest
Hey,
Please don't get too worried if you can manage that. It is a worry...money, unemployment...I've been no stranger to that one over the last 5 years. My husband was made redundant when I got ill and although he's worked quite a lot - temping, short term jobs - it's been difficult. It is a huge worry, particularly when you have dependants / children and you've had problems with your mental health.

Did you speak to occupational health? Maybe some adjustments could be made initially until you feel calmer and have decided how you will manage things with your meds / stress levels? Your manager might feel doubtful, but it is unfair of her to express this. Give yourself a chance and don't let her negativity get to you if you can help it. That will be hard, but try to remember that she is only thinking about herself probably, not you.
You deserve accommodations and help with this. Try not to feel guilty or self doubt. I think you can do this if you get some help whilst you adjust.

Stay positive.
x
 
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