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Just so sad.

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welshgirl

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I have been suffering with depression an anxiety for a while now, my dad was abusive towards me and my mum. I have been having therapy (PTSD) and I have had CBT training.

A year ago a close friends baby die and she couldn't deal with her loss and took her own life. I'm struggling with flashbacks and trouble sleeping. I have a family who are supportive, but I can't show how low I am to them, how much things are eating me up in side. It is my problem, I have never been able to show my emotions to the people I care about.

Typing out a post does help me because it is away of realising my thoughts, not having to see who I'm talking to. I just feel so bad! i know thing's will get better in time. At the moment I feel like things will never end. I'm going to come to this forum a bit more and post when I need too, and read a bit more as I have only popped by every so often. Maybe that will help me more. I feel very lonely even though I'm not actually on my own. My partner is great, but I don't feel he understand what I'm going through. Feeling incredibly low at the moment, I know it's natural, what I'm feeling but that doesn't help me either.
 
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Sorry you are feeling so low. I guess part of the reason I am here too is because there was abuse in my family and having people i can relate with helps me to feel part of something.
Hoping things improve with you x
 
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welshgirl

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Sorry you are feeling so low. I guess part of the reason I am here too is because there was abuse in my family and having people i can relate with helps me to feel part of something.
Hoping things improve with you x
Thankyou autumnalsprinkles I'm sorry you have had to suffer with abuse too, I do think that this forum could be of some help, as you say it is nice to have people around that I can relate to x
 
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I am very grateful for the support on here, i feel like we look out for each other.
 
katya

katya

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Hi welshgirl, I know those feels (to quote the Internet). I was abused by my brother when I was very young, and my dad was physically abusive towards my brother and my mum. I for one have never quite got over that. It's really difficult, especially when you start having flashbacks and stuff. I'm so sorry to hear your friend took her own life. That must make things fucking twenty times harder.

I'm glad you have a supportive partner. You're right in that he won't know what you're going through, but it's good that he's willing to listen. I've just broken up with someone who wasn't willing to support me in that respect whatsoever. He had his own problems I guess. But still.

You need support from people who know what you're going through. Did the CBT do anything for you? Are you on any medication at the moment? If you're feeling lower than normal, you must tell your doctor ASAP.

Hope you start to feel better soon, and please, please, please do not for any reason whatsoever blame yourself. Abuse is just that; no-one deserves it.
 
katya

katya

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Thankyou autumnalsprinkles I'm sorry you have had to suffer with abuse too, I do think that this forum could be of some help, as you say it is nice to have people around that I can relate to x
Absolutely. Please tell us in as much or as little detail as you want how you are feeling. :)
 
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welshgirl

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Hi welshgirl, I know those feels (to quote the Internet). I was abused by my brother when I was very young, and my dad was physically abusive towards my brother and my mum. I for one have never quite got over that. It's really difficult, especially when you start having flashbacks and stuff. I'm so sorry to hear your friend took her own life. That must make things fucking twenty times harder.

I'm glad you have a supportive partner. You're right in that he won't know what you're going through, but it's good that he's willing to listen. I've just broken up with someone who wasn't willing to support me in that respect whatsoever. He had his own problems I guess. But still.

You need support from people who know what you're going through. Did the CBT do anything for you? Are you on any medication at the moment? If you're feeling lower than normal, you must tell your doctor ASAP.

Hope you start to feel better soon, and please, please, please do not for any reason whatsoever blame yourself. Abuse is just that; no-one deserves it.
I have never got over the abuse that my father put me through. CBT I don't think has really helped me. Therapy is, but it hard going. I don't blame myself, I blame him it's more I can't let it go. The death of my friend has made things worst because I tried to take my own life years ago. Everything is messed up at the moment. I am on medication, sertraline and propranolol it is helping. It more trying to go through everything again.

I'm so sorry that your partner couldn't be more supportive to you, sometime all we need is people to listen or give us a hug, not advice have a virtual (((hug))) from me xx
 
katya

katya

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I have never got over the abuse that my father put me through. CBT I don't think has really helped me. Therapy is, but it hard going. I don't blame myself, I blame him it's more I can't let it go. The death of my friend has made things worst because I tried to take my own life years ago. Everything is messed up at the moment. I am on medication, sertraline and propranolol it is helping. It more trying to go through everything again.

I'm so sorry that your partner couldn't be more supportive to you, sometime all we need is people to listen or give us a hug, not advice have a virtual (((hug))) from me xx
Thanks welshgirl. I appreciate that. Just you hug your partner extra hard knowing you're lucky to be going through this with someone at least. :) I'm so sorry you're going through this at all though.

Therapy does sound hard-going because I guess they try to get everything out so you're not bottling everything up anymore, and that's like re-living it. Is that what you mean when you say you're going through it again?

It's a positive step, though. Think of it like an exorcism. Might even help to imagine the demon physically leaving your body, if this meditation lark is to be believed (I tried it once and I must say it was eye-opening).

It'll be hard to let go, but you're doing the right thing to help you do that, and you should feel proud of yourself for doing so.

Is there anyone you can talk to who was also close to your friend who can help you through the grieving process (maybe you can help each other)? I've never experienced a loss like this myself (I am extremely lucky), so I don't know what to suggest, but I've seen loved ones deal with it in this way and it does seem to help.
 
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welshgirl

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Messages
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Thanks welshgirl. I appreciate that. Just you hug your partner extra hard knowing you're lucky to be going through this with someone at least. :) I'm so sorry you're going through this at all though.

Therapy does sound hard-going because I guess they try to get everything out so you're not bottling everything up anymore, and that's like re-living it. Is that what you mean when you say you're going through it again?

It's a positive step, though. Think of it like an exorcism. Might even help to imagine the demon physically leaving your body, if this meditation lark is to be believed (I tried it once and I must say it was eye-opening).

It'll be hard to let go, but you're doing the right thing to help you do that, and you should feel proud of yourself for doing so.

Is there anyone you can talk to who was also close to your friend who can help you through the grieving process (maybe you can help each other)? I've never experienced a loss like this myself (I am extremely lucky), so I don't know what to suggest, but I've seen loved ones deal with it in this way and it does seem to help.

Thankyou Jurth, it is like reliving my past! Exactly that. I have had therapy before. After I tried to take my own life. It took awhile for it to help. I just wish it was starting to now.

I do like the comparison to comparing it to an exorcism. I will keep that in mind! Their are a couple of people I can talk to about my friend. It's is more because it is the anniversary of her death coming up and the anniversary of her child's death, which was a couple of day's ago. That has put my progress backwards.
 
katya

katya

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Messages
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Location
England
Thankyou Jurth, it is like reliving my past! Exactly that. I have had therapy before. After I tried to take my own life. It took awhile for it to help. I just wish it was starting to now.

I do like the comparison to comparing it to an exorcism. I will keep that in mind! Their are a couple of people I can talk to about my friend. It's is more because it is the anniversary of her death coming up and the anniversary of her child's death, which was a couple of day's ago. That has put my progress backwards.
Yeahhhh. My boyfriend, when his dad died, didn't look at the date for weeks after because he didn't want to know the anniversary of his dad's death. Makes total sense, because it must be so painful to re-live - especially for you because there are two deaths. Is this the first anniversary of their deaths? I hope time can ease the pain and that in years to come you have more of a sense of closure.

How long is your course of therapy, and how far are you through it, if you don't mind me asking? I hope it works for you soon too, and I hope you have some support for afterwards if it doesn't work straight away. It's a lot to go through and then to be left with all of these feelings you don't know what to do with. Hopefully you'll know how better to avoid that this time. :)
 
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