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real2020

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Hi! I'm just introducing myself, I'm struggling with compulsive/pathological lying, and want help/advice/support. I can't really talk to people in my life because I have lied to them, and therapy/counseling isn't a good fit for me and I find it hard to be honest or open up, so I'm here to try to change my ways, and be more honest to people.
 
calypso

calypso

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Hiya and Welcome to the forum. When I was a teenager I got into the habit of lying and it was difficult to break. But I got there in the end with strict self discipline. But you say that therapy isn't a good fit for you, why not may I ask? It could help you understand more about why you do it and offer techniques to help you with it. But I hope we are supportive and kind for you.
 
R

real2020

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Hi, thanks for replying! I went to therapy for a self-harm problem. I did stop self-harming, but it wasn't due to therapy, it was because of the embarrassment of going to therapy. I felt embarrassed because of my problem, so I felt the need to stop. Going to therapy made me nervous and I can't imagine telling somebody about my lying problem. I'm ashamed and scared, and hoping to solve it myself without therapy. That is why I said therapy isn't a good fit for me.
 
Mario82

Mario82

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Hi and welcome.


What makes you self-harm do you think? It's definitely best you try to stop that if possible. As for the lying, that's a tricky one. Do you get a rush from it when you are doing it? Is it big lies or white lies?
 
R

real2020

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I did stop self-harming, which was a hard process but I am 5 months clean and very proud of that. :)
I don't get a rush from lying, and they are often big lies. I know that it makes me a manipulative, mean person and I feel very guilty for lying to amazing people in my life. But I don't want to ruin my relationships by coming clean, but I want to stop lying so that I can stop being lonely and isolated.
 
Mario82

Mario82

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I did stop self-harming, which was a hard process but I am 5 months clean and very proud of that. :)
I don't get a rush from lying, and they are often big lies. I know that it makes me a manipulative, mean person and I feel very guilty for lying to amazing people in my life. But I don't want to ruin my relationships by coming clean, but I want to stop lying so that I can stop being lonely and isolated.
Ah right, I misread that post above, sorry. Well done you then, should be very proud of yourself and I hope it keeps up.

You're not a mean or manipulative person, you just have an illness or compulsion. You can't help it. Maybe you might tell your therapist about your lying issue? I read someone say the things we least wanna talk about in therapy are the things we need to talk about most. It would be uncomfortable but might be worth it in the long run maybe?
 
R

real2020

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Yes, I've considered bringing it up in therapy. But for me my fear is because I have lied about having mental illness, opening up about my lies to a person who specializes in mental illnesses will be uncomfortable and make me more ashamed. Also, I don't really like my therapist or her style, but I don't want to get a new one because I got it for self-harming and since I stopped self-harming, to get a new therapist I would have to tell my parents about my lying problem. I don't have a great relationship with my parents and I'm afraid they will judge or punish me
 
Mario82

Mario82

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Yes, I've considered bringing it up in therapy. But for me my fear is because I have lied about having mental illness, opening up about my lies to a person who specializes in mental illnesses will be uncomfortable and make me more ashamed. Also, I don't really like my therapist or her style, but I don't want to get a new one because I got it for self-harming and since I stopped self-harming, to get a new therapist I would have to tell my parents about my lying problem. I don't have a great relationship with my parents and I'm afraid they will judge or punish me
I'm sorry to hear your relationship with your parents isn't great. You sound pretty young, is this a problem that might go away as you get older? I liked my therapist when I seen her but I can definitely understand that some are stuffy. You really shouldn't feel ashamed of your lying problem though. It's a mental health issue. However, I know that me saying that doesn't help in the slightest precisely because of the mind playing tricks on us.

How often are you lying? Could you perhaps try to resolve to lie less, as if you were weaning yourself off coffee or something? After all, what you are doing is an addiction just like any physical substance. Perhaps try to do it less rather than stopping all at once? Perhaps reduce the severity of the lies into white lies if possible?
 
R

real2020

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Yes, I'm a teenager. I'm lying pretty often, but I am trying to stop. I think I'm going to try to just take it one day at a time and resolve each day to not lie. Thanks you so much for the advice, it feels so good to talk to somebody about what's really going on rather than having to make up more stuff, thank you!
 
Mario82

Mario82

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Yes, I'm a teenager. I'm lying pretty often, but I am trying to stop. I think I'm going to try to just take it one day at a time and resolve each day to not lie. Thanks you so much for the advice, it feels so good to talk to somebody about what's really going on rather than having to make up more stuff, thank you!
Yeah I figured you were young from the talk of your parents. As a teenager you are still developing and there's even more reason why you shouldn't be so hard on yourself over this. I am glad talking about it has helped. Taking it one day at a time sounds like a good plan - remember you don't have to lie as you are just fine the way you are.
 

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