- Sep 26, 2020
I am angry depressed anxious and hateful towards myself and others at all times. I don't feel real I don't feel like I belong in the world I don't feel like I can survive in the world. I feel empty and yet I feel so much at the same time. things feel hazy, I can't believe this is my life. I can't believe my past is my past because it is so sad and shameful and embarrassing. I have lost ones I love due to my disorder, I have pushed them away, I have made them hate me. I have made me hate myself. I have acted in ways that looking back, makes me want to die because it was so crazy and I am absolutely humiliated that I said the things I said and did the things I did. I want to change but no matter what I do I can't, no matter how much I hate myself I can't, no matter how many people I push away I can't. my future is going to be just as bad as my past, if not worse and im sick of people telling me it will get better because they don't know that, no one does, and nothing helps me so there really isn't any way for it to get better anyways. its not fair that im like this, its not fair that any of us are.