Just need to get it over with!

M

madsheep

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Jul 11, 2009
Messages
607
Location
Bedfordshire
#1
Hey peeps.
Made a descision at the beginning of this year not to cut. Have broken that three times. And right now feel like making it a fourth!
I just.... I just want to get it over with so I can get on with my day. But I cant.
I am getting married next year. I am going to a friends wedding at the end of may.
Its getting warmer and I just cant hide it that much longer.

People keep pointing at my scars. My mum, my stepdad, sisters... they havent seen my arm all winter and some of the scars just wont settle.

Everytime I look at it, it triggers things. I cant even look at my own fricking arm!!

I just want to cut. But last time I ended up in A&E and I just cant be dealing with that again. I refused to see any MH staff. I even threatened to walk out if they called anyone so they let it.

I just....

Is there anyone online atm?

Feelings have been here for over two hours now! :cry:
 
Pixie37

Pixie37

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Nov 2, 2009
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2,275
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SCOTLAND
#2
Sounds like you've got a strong urge. What is making you want to sh? What are you feeling and thinking? The urge will pass in time you just need to fight it. Do you have a nurse or that you can call? Does calming music or distraction help?
 
M

madsheep

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Joined
Jul 11, 2009
Messages
607
Location
Bedfordshire
#3
I dont know. I never know. Not really. My head is all over the place. Started a new journal hoping that would help for a while. Its all over the place. Dont find my CPN usefull anymore. She just... she just doesnt help anymore. Shes lovely but ...
I have tried music. Loud. Quiet. Calming. Angry. even happy music. Its all useless because my mood just doesnt fit any of them.
I bought myself some new 'techniques'. you know those silly face masks that you put on and then peel off after a while, sit around with cucumbers on your face and that nonsense.
Well I bought two. Just for emergancys.
Might be worth doing that. I havent tried it before. But maybe it will work. Have to sit still for 15 mins while it sets. Might help my head calm down
I dont know.
I just cant fight this... :cry:
 
Pixie37

Pixie37

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#4
Yeah try the mask then get a cuppa. Maybe do your nails. Going out for a walk can really help too :hug:
 
M

madsheep

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Joined
Jul 11, 2009
Messages
607
Location
Bedfordshire
#5
I cant really get out on my own. I mean only when I am in a REALLY good mood. Otherwise I just panic.
I keep looking at my garden wishing I could go out, but I am so scared my neighbours will see me and try to be 'friendly'. I just wanna be alone, but I am so lonely at the same time. O god! :( thanks for replying btw.
 
Pixie37

Pixie37

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Nov 2, 2009
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SCOTLAND
#6
Yeah thats a shame. Can you think of distractions you can use in your house? Any housework needing done? Any comforting things you can do like a nice bath, food and dvds?
 
RedRoseBeauty

RedRoseBeauty

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Feb 10, 2010
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2,374
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A city in a country.
#7
I'm sorry you're feeling this way.
I agree with Pixie can you not do anything to avoid harming?
I feel like being sick but I have loads of cleaning to do so I'm going to do that to try and take my mind off it & I also will go out for a walk later to make sure I don't.
Sometimes it's the easiest distractions that work.
Hope you're feeling a bit better.
 

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