Just looking for understanding...I guess

[hannasus]

I feel so down, I don't know where to start, but having read some of the other posts I feel sure that you will understand. I've never talked properly about this to anyone, even though it's been going on for years. I'm getting to the stage now where I'm regularly going in to the toilets to cry at work (Sometimes there's some tiny trigger, but often just for no reason) and at least a couple of times a week I end up spending the evening crying. Usually for no reason - just because the feelings are so bad - but it seems like anything can set me off. My confidence at work and in my personal life is really low. There's nothing really wrong in my life, so why am I so sad?

So your advice would be to talk to my GP or a friend, right? The problem is I don't know how to talk to anybody about my feelings- I'm just about ok writing this, but it has taken me several months to build up the courage to do it! I tried to talk to a doctor a few years back, but I don't know if it was because I ended up talking about it so calmly that she suggested I just "wait and see if it goes away" - I tried to explain that was what I'd been doing for years and it was actually getting worse, but she didn't offer anything else.

The only time I feel ok is when I'm with my boyfriend, but I don't want to rely on him all the time to cheer me up. When we first started seeing each other I tried to hide it from him, but as we started seeing each other more he noticed when I was quiet or when I'd try to hide the tears. I don't know how to explain it to him - the words just don't come out and he's trying to be understanding, but he's clearly frustrated that I just clam up when I get unhappy. Matters aren't made any better now that he's just found out his dad's got cancer - I've gone back to trying to hide my unhappiness from him because I don't want to pile anything else on him.

Anyway I think I've written enough. I don't know what I expect you to say. It would be nice to hear any advice or similar experiences you've had (most of the stuff I've read had depression triggered by some event or unhappy circumstances, but I can't see any reason why I feel like this).

 

[Dollit]

I understand. I understand about needing support and not knowing what to say and then finally saying and being so calm and rational the other person thinks you're okay.

What I tell people in your situation is print off your post and take that to the doctor and ask them to read it. Explain that you can't put into words how you feel but you can write it. If you can see a different GP to the one you saw before.

Depression doesn't have to have a reason. At Easter everything was going well for me and I still ended up feeling suicidal and found myself on the phone talking to someone I hadn't seen for ages and feeling very small and young while he talked to be in gentle tones.

There's lots of things to be recommended to help but for now I think you just need to know that you're not alone and that someone understands. I'll post some of the stuff I do to try and help next time I post.

 

[Robert92]

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation hannasus. A couple of years ago for about 6 months I constantly felt depressed but I didn't know why and the fact that i didn't know what was causing it was one of the most frustrating things about it. I felt like i couldn't talk to anybody because I knew I wouldn't be able to tell them what was making me feel so sad. I guess what's important to realise is that people have been in the same boat as you and have come through and now lead normal happy lives. Coming onto MHF was definately a good decision though. The people here are genuinely careing and understanding and I always find it helpfull to talk about my feelings when I'm down.
The only thing I can suggest is going back to your GP and asking if he/she can give you some antidepressants. Sometimes with people in your situation, when they're unhappy but have no apparent reason to be, all they need is some antidepressants that they take regularly because it turns out that theres a chemical inbalance in their brain. I don't know what percent of people with depression this is the problem with but if it is the problem then i think it's easily resolved.
If not, keep coming on the forum and keeping us updated, I'm sure theres lots of people here with good advice!
Hope to hear from you soon!

 

[yakuza]

Hi Hannasus

You may be uncertain whether or not you are depressed,everyone's experience is different and there are a wide variety of symptoms;

You may be feeling irritable,sleeping too little or too much,unable to stop crying,have a heavy dependancy on alcohol/drugs,finding everything a terrible effort,disliking yourself or feeling islolated.

Some tips on how to help yourself include;

Keep as occupied as you can with the things that really interest you.
Eat healthily and try to avoid drugs/alcohol.
Treat yourself from time to time.
Try to make your living enviroment as pleasant as possible.
Do not be afraid to ask for help.
Try not to hold your feelings in,cry or even get angry if you need to.
Practice challenging some of your negative ideas,especially about yourself;are you really a worse person or are you just judging yourself too harshly?

Do not be afraid to see your GP if you feel depressed.
Your GP may refer you to the appropriate help or may offer medication in the form of anti-depressants.
Medication does not necessarily take away the cause of the depression but may give you a lift to take action to deal with the depression yourself.

Some helpful literature;

Depression - Paul Hauck - Sheldon 1990
A very short and easily read book which helps challenge depressive thinking.

Understanding Depression (leaflet) - Mind Publications 1997
Briefly covers what depression is and how to get help. Gives useful addresses and help lines.


Good luck with everything

 

[daffy]

Reading thru the posts hannasus you do need some guidannce Something is obviousley getting you down. Now whether thats causing depression is a different matter. What i would suggest you do is take two pieces of paper and write pros on one and cons on the other. Then just take it slowly. fill in one side first, example; do i like my job---yes, do i like the person sat next to me -----no why-----always bossy.

Its obviously something at work that triggerering it, and you need to find what it is. If your ending up in the loos crying something really is upsetting you and it seem to be spreading into your home life,

If you really have no idea what it could be have you thought about a holida yto recuperate. If your no better then i think you need to talk to your gp

 

[Michael]

A lot of advice being given, all of it valid!
I empathise with you about not being able to tell anyone about how I really felt, and going to the doctors only to end up glossing over the problem.
I didn't get out of it by myself, I was forced out of it by my wife, she took a big risk in doing it but it has paid out for me.
Really the thing I learnt more than anything else is to open up to at least one person, I did - my wife - another doctors appointment was made by her for me and I was 'conned' into going. since then it has not been plain sailing but the good times outweigh the bad times, even in the bad times I have learnt to seek the support of others (like this forum).

The only advice I would give is to read all the threads, see which you consider you relate to, talk with us when you want, but most of all talk!

Best wishes to you whilst on this road, at least you know it is a road that has many others on it to keep you company!

Michael

 

[Robert92]

Whats the news Hannasus? Are you feeling any better?