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Just joined, wondering if anyone could offer me some advice

A

actualpig

Member
Joined
Jan 18, 2021
Messages
12
Location
Wales, UK
Hi, I am new here and this is my first post, I hope whoever is reading this is doing as well as possible during these difficult times and staying safe.

I have always struggled with my mental health from a very young age. I have struggled with many different things, anxiety, self harm, eating disorder, depression, suicidal ideation, substance abuse and a whole bunch of other stuff. I have never had a formal diagnosis apart from anxiety, depression and an eating disorder when I was a lot younger. I was assessed by a mental health Nurse who said she believes I have BPD as I have a lot of traits that lean that way and I was going to do some DBT but was then told I was 'too ill' for it and was in and out of A&E for about 3 months. I thought my mum was going to have a breakdown herself cause she didn't know what to do with me, she wanted me to go inpatient but there wasn't enough beds and I wasn't classed as severe enough for them to try and find me a place. I struggle to function in daily life, often can't leave my bed or do basic tasks like keep myself and my room clean. I have been in and out of employment for a long time as I struggle to hold down a job. I have been out of work due to my mental health for about a year now and would like to go back as not having anything to get up for is making me feel worse, especially in lockdown. Usually I would see my girlfriend most days and my Grandma every few days. I would make sure to go on walks even if it was just to the shops. I now don't leave the house at all and it is really getting to me. I barely get out of bed, I sleep days away and drink nights away, I feel so trapped and alone and my dad who I live with is not helpful at all. My chest hurts with anxiety and even though I am on medication I feel it only helps with my mood swings and not my anxiety at all. I was on diazepam for a while and that definitely helped as if I felt extremely anxious I would take 1 or 2 and they would calm me down but I am not allowed on them anymore as they are addictive. I was then given quetiapine and I couldn't stand the way it made me feel.

I feel like I am getting 0 support at all for my mental health, services have messed me around since I was about 10. I find it very hard to reach out for help as everything seems like a huge difficult task and I have no one at home that will help me make doctors appointments etc. When I last spoke to my mental health team they were rude to me. I was supposed to have a psychiatrist appointment but it was cancelled and then I had letters saying I didn't attend so was being discharged even though I went to the place of the appointment and they sent me home. I called up about this, both my doctor and my mental health team and they just brushed it off and said I might have another appointment at some point. I don't feel I can talk to the mental health team anymore as they have so far been really unhelpful. I feel like whenever I call a doctor they rush through things and are kind of just like 'what do you want us to do' I feel like I really need therapy and better meds but it seems almost impossible to have those things, so I wanted to post here to see if anyone has any advice on how I could go about seeking help. I can't afford to go private but I am so tired of trying to reach out and just being met by dead ends
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
7,168
Location
Canada
Hi, welcome to the forum. Seems like it's hard to get proper care for mental health and that most of us are largely on our own with it, other than medications and maybe talking to somebody a bit. And it's even harder these days while the need for it appears greater than ever.
 
S

sadgirl

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2012
Messages
2,291
Location
in my own private hell
Hi actualpig and welcome to the forum please feel free to look around and post whenever you can I am sorry to hear about your situation but its good that you have your Gps support and that you can talk to him / her about it have you tried making a complaint about how you were treated
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,159
Location
Southern USA
Welcome here!
Drinking the nights away is likely not helping anything in your situation, right?
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Jun 16, 2020
Messages
7,341
Location
Norway
Hi actualpig welcome to the forum :welcome:
 
MarieRose

MarieRose

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 27, 2020
Messages
132
Location
England
I had years of ecrutiating mental and emotional pain in and out of psychosis getting no help for physical and mental ilness.At one time I was mentally ill and also had very heavy menstraul bleeding from a benign tumour in my womb which needed removing but they refused to investigate for 8 yrs.Once I was so desperate for support from the mental health team in the town where I lived that I got turned away by them so I took a train to London and knocked on some strangers door and asked them to call an ambulance.I was taken to hospital and at first I didn't tell them who I was but eventually I told the doctor my true story,they got in touch with my mental health nurse in my home town and my GP and he really told them off.I was admitted to a mental hospital in London for one night and the next day they paid for a taxi and a nurse drove me back to my home town and I was admitted to the mental hospital and stayed in there a whole month and they helped me that time.

The problems with mental health services they overstretched,some nurses and doctors are caring others can be narcissists and abusers themselves preying on the vulnerable patients.I have to admit they did help me get back on an even keel after psychosis many times.But often they wounded me and emotionally abused me and offered me drug medication that had bad side effects and basically was a poison that also made my mental health worse not better.

I have over 3o years experience,I've been in your position,actual pig,and my advice is I know you think threapy and help from mental health team would be what you really need right now but is it the best to get entangled with them.They can insists that you take meds that harm you and they can be abusive.At times when I lost trust in them I phone IAPT and refer myself for therapy with a pschologist for support.IAPT are in every area and you don't have to be under mental health team to get their help with anxiety and depression.Also I thought about what my main issues were and looked for books that could help me there are so many self help books to deal with low self esteem,shame, fear,grief,sexual abuse and recovery,you name it there is help for it in a self help book form.I read tons like that.

I also explored alternative therapies though it's hard on a tight budget I learnd from a nutritional therapist and a hands on energy worker who did healing and sought alternatives like holistic mental health treatments.Massage for stress and just got myself out and about and talked to people,in shop queues ,at bus stops.I couldn't get close or make friends and it was terribly lonely so I did what I could.

It's hard when family don't support us I am sorry for what you are going though but don't give up you can get better.
 
MarieRose

MarieRose

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 27, 2020
Messages
132
Location
England
Oh I also took vitamin D for extreme physical fatigue and being mentally drained and fish oils Omega 3 which helped lift severe depression and suicidal states and made me depression manageable.The book Healing Into Life and Death by Stephen Levine is very good if you go through heavy emotional states.

Also Marisa Peer youtube videos helped me overcome my overeating disorder,she helps with loving yourself and healing from low self esteem and shows how therapy can help.
 
A

actualpig

Member
Joined
Jan 18, 2021
Messages
12
Location
Wales, UK
Welcome here!
Drinking the nights away is likely not helping anything in your situation, right?
no it isn't. drank less last night and i barely have any alcohol for tonight, wanting to cut down but my anxiety at night is a lot worse without it, hoping to be put on better anxiety meds so i don't feel the need to self medicate
 
A

actualpig

Member
Joined
Jan 18, 2021
Messages
12
Location
Wales, UK
Hi actualpig and welcome to the forum please feel free to look around and post whenever you can I am sorry to hear about your situation but its good that you have your Gps support and that you can talk to him / her about it have you tried making a complaint about how you were treated
i have thought about making a complaint but then i also think people have more important jobs to do than listen to me complain, i have a doctors appointment in a few days so i will definitely bring it up then and try to chase up my appointment
 
A

actualpig

Member
Joined
Jan 18, 2021
Messages
12
Location
Wales, UK
Oh I also took vitamin D for extreme physical fatigue and being mentally drained and fish oils Omega 3 which helped lift severe depression and suicidal states and made me depression manageable.The book Healing Into Life and Death by Stephen Levine is very good if you go through heavy emotional states.

Also Marisa Peer youtube videos helped me overcome my overeating disorder,she helps with loving yourself and healing from low self esteem and shows how therapy can help.
i found your story very interesting and comforting to know i am not alone in this situation. it sounds like you have been through a lot so i am glad you are doing better now. funnily enough i just picked up reading again and have been reading 'reasons to stay alive' by matt haig and have found it to be pretty good. i will definitely look into your suggestions. i think taking vitamins is actually a really good idea, i am a vegan and my diet is not great at the best of times, especially when i am depressed so i most likely am lacking in some things, especially as i get extremely tired and drained even just from talking to my girlfriend on the phone. thank you so much for your help, it has been really useful and encouraging
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,159
Location
Southern USA
no it isn't. drank less last night and i barely have any alcohol for tonight, wanting to cut down but my anxiety at night is a lot worse without it, hoping to be put on better anxiety meds so i don't feel the need to self medicate
It is a long road you going on but you can do it.
We all self medicate in extreme distress.
Be gentle with yourself.
 
MarieRose

MarieRose

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 27, 2020
Messages
132
Location
England
i found your story very interesting and comforting to know i am not alone in this situation. it sounds like you have been through a lot so i am glad you are doing better now. funnily enough i just picked up reading again and have been reading 'reasons to stay alive' by matt haig and have found it to be pretty good. i will definitely look into your suggestions. i think taking vitamins is actually a really good idea, i am a vegan and my diet is not great at the best of times, especially when i am depressed so i most likely am lacking in some things, especially as i get extremely tired and drained even just from talking to my girlfriend on the phone. thank you so much for your help, it has been really useful and encouraging
If you get tired easily you may be lacking B12 if you are vegan, ask your dr to test you and Vitamin D, if you are deficient in either you get extremely tired.I was deficient in vitamin D and they gave me megadoses of it and I had a lot more energy and stamina after that.
 
A

actualpig

Member
Joined
Jan 18, 2021
Messages
12
Location
Wales, UK
I actually take b12 with my morning meds but I am supposed to take it 3 times a day so need to start doing that, I wouldn't be surprised at all if I was lacking in vitamin D since I am always tired and pretty much never go outside in the day. Talking to my GP tomorrow so will definitely mention it, thanks again, I am starting to feel more hopeful :)
 
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