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Just joined and would really like some help if anyone could:)

S

Snirexx

Member
Joined
Feb 4, 2019
Messages
16
Location
Ireland
#1
So in the last year I've been diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder. Its been in my family and I've suffered for years before diagnosis..
So really what I want to know is do other people suffer with shame?
I am so ashamed of all the crazy and sometimes scary things I have done while manic or rapid cycling over the years.
I've been on the right medication finally since May and now I'm feeling like myself for the first time in years I can't shake this. I try not to but keep thinking of things I have done. At the time I have fallen out with family,friends,you name it. People are forgiving and some have stood by me so are just glad that I'm getting the help I need now. But other people I'm not close to probably think I'm a lunatic and selfish person. And seeing them in social settings gives me anxiety..sometimes I wish I could write it on my forehead..like that wasn't me,I was really really I'll.
Any advice in coping? Thank you
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
8,035
Location
basketville
#2
hello and welcome Snirexx
really sorry that you are going through this. its must be so difficult. have you thought about seeing a counsellor?


in the meantime maybe slow stuff down a bit to give yourself time to cope with what you are dealing with.
 
S

Snirexx

Member
Joined
Feb 4, 2019
Messages
16
Location
Ireland
#3
Thank you so much for your reply.
I was really sad and anxious all day but after talking to my boyfriend (we have a baby together) he's made me feel a bit better.
He can get past it and says sure look how far you've come, but I can't seem to stop the unwanted thoughts.
Considering returning to counseling thank u
 
M

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
4,076
Location
NZ
#4
Some therapy may help just get your head around something's.
I have had a number of people come and go done some weird things. Its just all part of it and if people can't see past that then that's their problem.
Everything takes time I am pleased things are improving for you.
And do go easy on your self.
Take care:hug:
 
S

Snirexx

Member
Joined
Feb 4, 2019
Messages
16
Location
Ireland
#5
Some therapy may help just get your head around something's.
I have had a number of people come and go done some weird things. Its just all part of it and if people can't see past that then that's their problem.
Everything takes time I am pleased things are improving for you.
And do go easy on your self.
Take care:hug:
Thank u. I was hoping to find people to relate to on here so I appreciate your reply:)
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
8,035
Location
basketville
#6
there will be others that can relate to your situation. but yeah best to start with the unwanted thoughts - some are these are what i call habitual thoughts. but when you start to take notice of them you start to slow them down and their intensity but this takes time which is time well spent
 
S

Snirexx

Member
Joined
Feb 4, 2019
Messages
16
Location
Ireland
#7
there will be others that can relate to your situation. but yeah best to start with the unwanted thoughts - some are these are what i call habitual thoughts. but when you start to take notice of them you start to slow them down and their intensity but this takes time which is time well spent
Yes it is time well spent. I guess it's just part of the symptoms maybe. Ive just started a book on bipolar disorder and it explains that medication alone can't just fix us,it takes time to understand and manage the symptoms. I'm willing to put in the work though.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
8,035
Location
basketville
#8
well done for taking the iniative. when we learn more about ourselves we become more powerful in what i call our ground of being not sure how to explain that. but essentially our inner core starts to get stronger and not knocked about
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,437
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
#9
Hi Snirexx. I derailed my whole life before finding out I have bipolar. I had to acknowledge that I did shameful things. But to stay in shame and anxiety is over kill. I couldn't have done things any differently. In the end, you have to have compassion for everyone, INCLUDING YOURSELF.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,437
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
#10
well done for taking the iniative. when we learn more about ourselves we become more powerful in what i call our ground of being not sure how to explain that. but essentially our inner core starts to get stronger and not knocked about
That's so clear : "our inner core starts to get stronger and not knocked about"
 
S

Snirexx

Member
Joined
Feb 4, 2019
Messages
16
Location
Ireland
#11
Hi Snirexx. I derailed my whole life before finding out I have bipolar. I had to acknowledge that I did shameful things. But to stay in shame and anxiety is over kill. I couldn't have done things any differently. In the end, you have to have compassion for everyone, INCLUDING YOURSELF.
Yeah you're right. I try not to judge anyone and I've so much compassion for others but not myself. Thanks for your reply I wouldn't wish it on anyone,but it is somewhat comforting to know I'm not alone.
 
S

Snirexx

Member
Joined
Feb 4, 2019
Messages
16
Location
Ireland
#12
well done for taking the iniative. when we learn more about ourselves we become more powerful in what i call our ground of being not sure how to explain that. but essentially our inner core starts to get stronger and not knocked about
thank you:)
 
A

Alladyn1919

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
45
Location
Poland
#13
So in the last year I've been diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder. Its been in my family and I've suffered for years before diagnosis..
So really what I want to know is do other people suffer with shame?
I am so ashamed of all the crazy and sometimes scary things I have done while manic or rapid cycling over the years.
I've been on the right medication finally since May and now I'm feeling like myself for the first time in years I can't shake this. I try not to but keep thinking of things I have done. At the time I have fallen out with family,friends,you name it. People are forgiving and some have stood by me so are just glad that I'm getting the help I need now. But other people I'm not close to probably think I'm a lunatic and selfish person. And seeing them in social settings gives me anxiety..sometimes I wish I could write it on my forehead..like that wasn't me,I was really really I'll.
Any advice in coping? Thank you

I don't know if such thoughts are part of a disease or not.To me it seems ok if sb said, did something wrong and regrets that afterwards and is anxious that people will view him/her negatively afterwards.It probably means that such a person has so called good consciounce and is ok after all.
Excessive pain caused by that, useless ruminating over and over such a past, etc is probably part of a disease and can be successfulluy treated if it doesn't pass away on its own.
But I would like to warn you strongly about something.Don't try to make things right by apologizing to people you were not ok with saying that you had mental problems then so you have done what you have done.In vast majority of cases (maybe not all) it will make matters even worse or even much worse.Don't advertise your illness.It makes sense to apologise for something on account of being drunk, having horrible day, something like that but not on account of mental problems if that past wrong action isn't of some extreme importance or highly cosequential, etc.That's my view.
But anyway,believe me that majority of people are not that good, that ok as it may seem , probably most of those people whom you think you wronged would do much worse tings to you if they have the occasion and could do it without any punishement (including of course loosing their good name).So there is maybe no much need at all to feel excessively guilty about doing something in the past.Anyway if you would like to feel better by amending some wrong done to somebody, you can do it anonymously if relationship or something is past repair, if your action towards that person was too extreme, too unusual a "mistake".
I would rather advise you avoiding situations with such people than trying to win their forgiveness, sympathy, etc.Least of all by saying you had mental problems at that time.For such an action is highly likely to backfire in most cases.That's my opinion based on my experiances with various people.I am not a professional psychologist however.

Regards


Alladyn1919
 
S

Snirexx

Member
Joined
Feb 4, 2019
Messages
16
Location
Ireland
#14
I don't know if such thoughts are part of a disease or not.To me it seems ok if sb said, did something wrong and regrets that afterwards and is anxious that people will view him/her negatively afterwards.It probably means that such a person has so called good consciounce and is ok after all.
Excessive pain caused by that, useless ruminating over and over such a past, etc is probably part of a disease and can be successfulluy treated if it doesn't pass away on its own.
But I would like to warn you strongly about something.Don't try to make things right by apologizing to people you were not ok with saying that you had mental problems then so you have done what you have done.In vast majority of cases (maybe not all) it will make matters even worse or even much worse.Don't advertise your illness.It makes sense to apologise for something on account of being drunk, having horrible day, something like that but not on account of mental problems if that past wrong action isn't of some extreme importance or highly cosequential, etc.That's my view.
But anyway,believe me that majority of people are not that good, that ok as it may seem , probably most of those people whom you think you wronged would do much worse tings to you if they have the occasion and could do it without any punishement (including of course loosing their good name).So there is maybe no much need at all to feel excessively guilty about doing something in the past.Anyway if you would like to feel better by amending some wrong done to somebody, you can do it anonymously if relationship or something is past repair, if your action towards that person was too extreme, too unusual a "mistake".
I would rather advise you avoiding situations with such people than trying to win their forgiveness, sympathy, etc.Least of all by saying you had mental problems at that time.For such an action is highly likely to backfire in most cases.That's my opinion based on my experiances with various people.I am not a professinal psychologist however.

Regards


Alladyn1919
Thanks. That is fair enough I always feel like apologising even when it's not warranted- maybe I'm just getting used to the diagnosis...
I actually was drunk a lot of the time cos I didn't understand why I felt so 'up' so I'd drink to calm me which in turn would overexagerate my mood which led me to saying and doing really 'out of character' things. That was back when I was rapid cycling tho as was on antidepressants for 7 years til I finally got referred to physchiatrist. I guess I just have a lot going around my brain as always.
Thanks for your reply.