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Just feeling lost, looking for some positive input

T

Thisfunnyguy

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May 21, 2021
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Lately life has been pretty good, I recently tore my left rotor cuff and have been dealing with carpeltunnels, work was really picking up and I felt accomplished, I got a loan and was going to give my extra car back and pay off the outstanding debt on it with the loan. It financially made sense, I often find myself in a battle with .. myself.. it’s like I’m doing well and I feel really good , I feel empowered and like I’m doing well ... one thing that’s missing is a woman, I sometimes message them on dating websites , sometimes more then others, I’m shocked at how little I hear back, I’m actually decent looking, many women have said sexy or hot , I basically run my own business and I have a really cool Jeep, I mean , I dress decent , I feel like maybe it’s social media and today’s society and woman’s outlook , it seems they don’t want to settle down, so many seem to just want one night stands, I’m interested in something much more long term and meaningful, it feels so hopeless, when I was 25-29 I got more women , more dates , more relationships, now I’m 31 and it’s been like way way slower , I don’t know if it’s because a man in his 30s is less appealing, I’m not sure what the deal is, I feel like I’m well rounded in life, I am a really good person, genuine , honest, loyal , caring, it sounds like a great buy lol, so why am I all alone, why do I feel like I don’t exist, obviously the man has to make the first move, I live in a small town and it’s like once you start getting rejected then the whole fucking town knows , im not sure the solution, I have been in a few relationships , longest being 7 years , then 8 months then 10 months a few that were 2-4 months , it just seems , now that I’m 30-31 I can’t seem to get anyone to even go on a date, granted those are all online attempts , in person it isn’t any easier and the blow of them saying no will just make it worse , besides the people online are just like people in real life, people often don’t have time to go to bars or whatnot so they meet online , I’m just depressed, I’m tired of being alone . I want someone to cuddle and to laugh with and just hold . there are plenty of single people so how come they don’t want me? I’m just struggling with the fact that other people can have success , even people who abuse women or don’t listen to them or don’t care or use them, tons of assholes get the girl , really trashy men, but some guy who is genuine and has a lot to offer gets nothing
 
Tawny

Tawny

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:welcome:
I have always thought it is best to think of something you enjoy like painting or tennis, and go to clubs or classes where this happens. Then you will make friends, social life might get better and more varied, more people, more change to meet a partner.
 
T

Thisfunnyguy

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That’s true, thank you for listening and responding 😀
 
M

Mistral

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You might think you are the sort of man many woman are looking for: good looking, financially solvent etc. etc, but that is not the way it works. The two of you have to have chemistry. I do not know what it is but, I guess it is like happiness, if you go looking for it, you will probably never be happy. Basically you will probably find it when you are not looking for it.
 
T

Thisfunnyguy

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I do
You might think you are the sort of man many woman are looking for: good looking, financially solvent etc. etc, but that is not the way it works. The two of you have to have chemistry. I do not know what it is but, I guess it is like happiness, if you go looking for it, you will probably never be happy. Basically you will probably find it when you are not looking for it.
[/QUOTE
 
T

Thisfunnyguy

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all I meant is I’m somewhat financially stable and I ain’t bad looking and I’m genuine and nice, and am compassionate and caring , I could see where if your looking you won’t find it , the thing is , chemistry has to have two components ... me and a her lol and it seems no one is really interested in messaging back or even taking in interest in who I am, online it’s like , I think they might want a quick fling so I’m saying all the wrong things because those woman don’t want to get stuck with someone , they say they want seriousness but maybe just want fun , it’s a very intricate world with a bunch of confused and easily manipulated people who then lose sight of who they are, is how I feel, so many outside influences for woman. But yea , i wish it was easier, I’m a lot of fun, make people laugh, so it’s sucks when I feel like it’s me or I’m not enough because that seems crazy
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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all I meant is I’m somewhat financially stable and I ain’t bad looking and I’m genuine and nice, and am compassionate and caring , I could see where if your looking you won’t find it , the thing is , chemistry has to have two components ... me and a her lol and it seems no one is really interested in messaging back or even taking in interest in who I am, online it’s like , I think they might want a quick fling so I’m saying all the wrong things because those woman don’t want to get stuck with someone , they say they want seriousness but maybe just want fun , it’s a very intricate world with a bunch of confused and easily manipulated people who then lose sight of who they are, is how I feel, so many outside influences for woman. But yea , i wish it was easier, I’m a lot of fun, make people laugh, so it’s sucks when I feel like it’s me or I’m not enough because that seems crazy
You are definitely more than enough and you have every right to be confident in who and what you are. I think online it’s mostly a numbers game. Women get inundated with solicitations from
men that I’m sure it can be quite overwhelming. It’s hard to know what people are looking for when it varies so much from one person to the next. How long have you been looking online for? It may be that you just have to change up your profile with some different pics and profile wording that boasts your many good virtues. Put out the word through friends, visits a few bars for trivia night maybe. Ask around with your friends. Something will come up eventually it’s just a matter of timing and learning to be patient while you wait. xo, j
 
T

Thisfunnyguy

Member
Joined
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Messages
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Location
California
I hav
You are definitely more than enough and you have every right to be confident in who and what you are. I think online it’s mostly a numbers game. Women get inundated with solicitations from
men that I’m sure it can be quite overwhelming. It’s hard to know what people are looking for when it varies so much from one person to the next. How long have you been looking online for? It may be that you just have to change up your profile with some different pics and profile wording that boasts your many good virtues. Put out the word through friends, visits a few bars for trivia night maybe. Ask around with your friends. Something will come up eventually it’s just a matter of timing and learning to be patient while you wait. xo, j
 
T

Thisfunnyguy

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Messages
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Location
California
I have definitely asked friends if they know anyone , they don’t seem to care enough to actually try, and then one my friends who recently became single seems to have an artillery of girls to have come over and visit him now that he’s single , but , that’s not the kind of girl I would want anyway, and it’s weird because it’s like I don’t exist now that he has people going over there , before when he was alone it was like he was inviting me over constantly and when I couldn’t come he would pressure me to go visit now it’s like when I’m there sometimes I can’t even get him to listen because he’s texting people and I’m like hey dude , and he’s so in his own world , and I been using online dating for like 5 years but in that time I have found a 10 month relationship and a few 2–4 month ones as well it really varies , my profile seems pretty good, I mention that life is short and I want to be happy and we often make life complicated but it’s not , I say that I’m honest and genuine and just want to enjoy life , I then say I’m the person you can count on to lift your spirits when your done and be someone to laugh with when you want to have fun, I feel like that’s a well rounded message, I have tried so many messages as the intro , I have had so much experience with it that’s why it’s even more depressing , I get more replies when I say something wild that I normally wouldn’t sometimes I feel hopeless so I’ll say some off the wall shit and girls respond to that well, but that’s not who I am , I’m not creepy or anything , so I don’t know, my pictures are of myself , no shirtless photos , just me , maybe I could try adding a dog but I don’t have a dog lol, I know from past dates , the girls do have fun, they all say I’m really good to them, they have good things to say, yet here I am , all alone , I can feel the energy of friends I do have they seem to enjoy my company I make people smile and laugh and have fun , Jeep rides through puddles and just crazy fun adventures, but it’s enough to have me end up alone it seems . Very shocking ,
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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I have definitely asked friends if they know anyone , they don’t seem to care enough to actually try, and then one my friends who recently became single seems to have an artillery of girls to have come over and visit him now that he’s single , but , that’s not the kind of girl I would want anyway, and it’s weird because it’s like I don’t exist now that he has people going over there , before when he was alone it was like he was inviting me over constantly and when I couldn’t come he would pressure me to go visit now it’s like when I’m there sometimes I can’t even get him to listen because he’s texting people and I’m like hey dude , and he’s so in his own world , and I been using online dating for like 5 years but in that time I have found a 10 month relationship and a few 2–4 month ones as well it really varies , my profile seems pretty good, I mention that life is short and I want to be happy and we often make life complicated but it’s not , I say that I’m honest and genuine and just want to enjoy life , I then say I’m the person you can count on to lift your spirits when your done and be someone to laugh with when you want to have fun, I feel like that’s a well rounded message, I have tried so many messages as the intro , I have had so much experience with it that’s why it’s even more depressing , I get more replies when I say something wild that I normally wouldn’t sometimes I feel hopeless so I’ll say some off the wall shit and girls respond to that well, but that’s not who I am , I’m not creepy or anything , so I don’t know, my pictures are of myself , no shirtless photos , just me , maybe I could try adding a dog but I don’t have a dog lol, I know from past dates , the girls do have fun, they all say I’m really good to them, they have good things to say, yet here I am , all alone , I can feel the energy of friends I do have they seem to enjoy my company I make people smile and laugh and have fun , Jeep rides through puddles and just crazy fun adventures, but it’s enough to have me end up alone it seems . Very shocking ,
It is surprising. With all these people your friend has you’d think he would be interested in sharing. Do you think he would have a party where you could mingle and get to know some new people? It sounds like you have had some good luck on the dating sites. Maybe it’s been awhile but it could happen again. If those women saw something they liked in you chances are other women will see something too. Maybe trying new dating sites? xo, j
 
T

Thisfunnyguy

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Messages
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It is surprising. With all these people your friend has you’d think he would be interested in sharing. Do you think he would have a party where you could mingle and get to know some new people? It sounds like you have had some good luck on the dating sites. Maybe it’s been awhile but it could happen again. If those women saw something they liked in you chances are other women will see something too. Maybe trying new dating sites? xo, j
Another thing is my family is very dysfunctional and I stay with them , there isn’t lots of places to live up here , and my family is about as toxic as it gets, co dependency issues and arguments bi polar paranoid skitsophreni , it’s diffiicult to sleep sometimes , I have no one to talk to her because they can’t even keep a clean house or stop hoarding , they like to do things the hard way and have you participate in that sort of lifestyle , I recently tore my rotor cuff , so I can work like I was which was an escape , but yea, overall, I wish I could just find a good woman , move out and start a life with a healthy foundation , where we could fight with love and understanding rather then anger and frustration , maybe I’m all fucked up and don’t even know it , I know I have my issues , but so doesn’t everyone that’s looking for love , but yea , my friend is caught up in his own world even tho when he was down I have always been there to help him, yesterday I told him I was lonely and depressed and he just didn’t respond how I figured he would and today he didn’t even text me once , when he was having bad times I texted all the time to check in, I feel like if I died my family would hurt and maybe like 3 people would be sad maybe a few more but my impact and everything I have done for people , it would go forgotten , and it sucks to know your just basically just here and it doesn’t matter
 
Empish

Empish

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Sounds like you have had a decent amount of relationships in the past and might be going into a downward spiral for no reason. A lot of people associate being single with being some kind of failure. Learning to be content without a significant other in your life will have a more positive effect on your relationships when they come.
 
T

Thisfunnyguy

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I have been doing all sorts of good stuff I lose 20 pounds built a ton of muscle , defeated a lot of anxiety and stress in my life , honestly , being alone is boring . I’m good at being alone , I never had friends since I was a kid until recently , I had a lot of people use me and call me friend, but yea , I just think life should be enjoyed with people , I camp alone and kayak alone, it’s just not very fufillng
 
M

Mistral

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You probably need to look at how you do things. Take for example being alone when camping and kayaking. Can you do that with others? Is there a club that you can join? Back in the day I was a keen windsurfer which I did mostly alone but after a while, I found a sailing club which had a lot of windsurfing members. I entered windsurfing competitions and started to sail mostly as crew on sailing races, but I also bought a sailing dinghy which I raced on occasions. There was a good social life such as BBQ's etc, but those were just incidental to the activities. People who joined the club just for the social life, were quickly discovered and were really not welcome. That is just an example. The important thing is the sharing of the enjoyment you get.
 
JessisMe

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Another thing is my family is very dysfunctional and I stay with them , there isn’t lots of places to live up here , and my family is about as toxic as it gets, co dependency issues and arguments bi polar paranoid skitsophreni , it’s diffiicult to sleep sometimes , I have no one to talk to her because they can’t even keep a clean house or stop hoarding , they like to do things the hard way and have you participate in that sort of lifestyle , I recently tore my rotor cuff , so I can work like I was which was an escape , but yea, overall, I wish I could just find a good woman , move out and start a life with a healthy foundation , where we could fight with love and understanding rather then anger and frustration , maybe I’m all fucked up and don’t even know it , I know I have my issues , but so doesn’t everyone that’s looking for love , but yea , my friend is caught up in his own world even tho when he was down I have always been there to help him, yesterday I told him I was lonely and depressed and he just didn’t respond how I figured he would and today he didn’t even text me once , when he was having bad times I texted all the time to check in, I feel like if I died my family would hurt and maybe like 3 people would be sad maybe a few more but my impact and everything I have done for people , it would go forgotten , and it sucks to know your just basically just here and it doesn’t matter
It does suck but it seems like that’s the way it is for people who do for others so often. I wonder why that is? xo, j
 
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