
sadpunchingbag
Well-known member
Hi everyone sorry i could not post i was absolutely exhausted. The day was packed maybe for not others but i am doing more each few days. Slow improvement But improvement. So i did the regular get dressed eat breakfast drone stuff then i went out with an OT AKA therapist on the bus just to see how i would be due to my last time going out near the train station when i nearly killed myself. My anxiety works in not the conventional sense i dont feel anxious but my body does i thought i was going to crap myself as a teenager in school id go 20 times a day in school. The conclusion i have come to which it will get easier but i know it will never be a point where i am comfortable. Due to past experiences i will always have a lv of paranoia which i like but i still want to be able to do normal things. Anyway so i did that i was told its a massive step forward i didn't see it that way but that is just my cognitive dissonance anything that is about me i cant see logically it all goes out the window. Also went on a really long walk that i struggled with last week it was much easier but once this gets easy i will add to it make it even longer then even longer etc. It also gave me a time to reflect and think about some thoughts and problems i am dealing inner demons and money problems. My pip was cut even though i used it because the hospital doesn't cover dietary things also i have not seen the nutritionist in 6 weeks which is sort of disgusting i think its because i dont make a big deal but it would be nice to have the same rights as everyone else.
When it comes to the money i just would of liked notice you know but dont expect common sense expect negligence. Sorry side tracked back to the walk feet was hurting like a mother fucker. I did to physio with the items i bought from amazon still waiting to a see a physio person after 6 weeks sort of bs. So i am meant to do some exercises 4 times a day others 2 i did do them all 2 times today and will do 3 today for the ones i need to gradually increase to 4 as for the ones at 2 i will increase length of time because i did the min because the amount of pain i was in. Came back sweating my bollocks off had a rest in the worst pain for like 2 hours i dont want pain killers in the day i can deal with it the nurses did come to my door worried saying you are in too much pain i said i can deal with this its a 8 but at night its a 10. my max dosage is 180mg a day so 3 doses of 60mg i only take i will only ever take 60mg at night i am going to tell the doc at ward round put it 1 time a day at night for 60mg then in a week we try 30 but if no touch go back to 60 i will gradually go down. Dont get me wrong but these physio ***** need to hurry up before i cut my foot off.
It was funny they only took notice when i said i am going to cut the feet off. Was 100% serious and did actually plan to cut a toe off to see if it helped. The nurses think i am nuts i sorta am but not the conventional crazy. back to day i then went to the gym tried lifting the same weights literally couldnt i regressed which is demoralising i know it happens but i dont like it i will go to the gym so it wont happen again i need to lessen the variance in life. weightlifting and cardio is something that grounds me. Closing it for 2 weeks is a piss take someone should of taken it over while the dude was away now. Also next week its not on for 1 week so you see my issue that would of been 4 weeks it has not be on when i would be here for 8 weeks i am not having that. By then i will go to a local gym so thats a goal. To end it off i got the right dose of meds even though the shit nurses where on at night i would broke a window. But good thing i didnt
So today was maybe a 4/10 day id say but i am delusional when it comes to myself eg too hard on myself but that is who i am
Hope you all are doing well thanks for reading for the few that actually do x
When it comes to the money i just would of liked notice you know but dont expect common sense expect negligence. Sorry side tracked back to the walk feet was hurting like a mother fucker. I did to physio with the items i bought from amazon still waiting to a see a physio person after 6 weeks sort of bs. So i am meant to do some exercises 4 times a day others 2 i did do them all 2 times today and will do 3 today for the ones i need to gradually increase to 4 as for the ones at 2 i will increase length of time because i did the min because the amount of pain i was in. Came back sweating my bollocks off had a rest in the worst pain for like 2 hours i dont want pain killers in the day i can deal with it the nurses did come to my door worried saying you are in too much pain i said i can deal with this its a 8 but at night its a 10. my max dosage is 180mg a day so 3 doses of 60mg i only take i will only ever take 60mg at night i am going to tell the doc at ward round put it 1 time a day at night for 60mg then in a week we try 30 but if no touch go back to 60 i will gradually go down. Dont get me wrong but these physio ***** need to hurry up before i cut my foot off.
It was funny they only took notice when i said i am going to cut the feet off. Was 100% serious and did actually plan to cut a toe off to see if it helped. The nurses think i am nuts i sorta am but not the conventional crazy. back to day i then went to the gym tried lifting the same weights literally couldnt i regressed which is demoralising i know it happens but i dont like it i will go to the gym so it wont happen again i need to lessen the variance in life. weightlifting and cardio is something that grounds me. Closing it for 2 weeks is a piss take someone should of taken it over while the dude was away now. Also next week its not on for 1 week so you see my issue that would of been 4 weeks it has not be on when i would be here for 8 weeks i am not having that. By then i will go to a local gym so thats a goal. To end it off i got the right dose of meds even though the shit nurses where on at night i would broke a window. But good thing i didnt
So today was maybe a 4/10 day id say but i am delusional when it comes to myself eg too hard on myself but that is who i am
Hope you all are doing well thanks for reading for the few that actually do x
