Just been accepted to a minimum stay of 12 weeks maybe longer if needed

sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

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Today was a mixture not sure if id class it good but was not bad. I still are having problems with soft tissue damage on my feet. Went to the shop today the weather was not 38 so this was a nice walk. Only stopped twice on the way back to take a swig of my water and adjust my bag. Pain was acting up on the way back. I can now cook due to doing the bs assessment 5 weeks after being in hospital it was put off 5 times but anyway. Saw parents this brought up some anxiety and a panic attack brewing. I really dont think its a good idea to see them for my recovery but if i feel bad for a few hours its nothing they want to see me. Its the normal thing people do. I am a alien in so many ways do i want to change this about me or not ? I like how i am but it doesnt fit in with conventional ways i want to give my family what they want but i want to do what i want. a weird dilemma i should prob talk about in psychology. back to weight loss i weighed the same but i did have breakfast and 1 Litre so i would say i lost 3 pounds just forget to take a shit and not eat or drink before weighing myself for it to have less variance in result

My family did bring physio recovery stuff i ordered to kickstart my recovery the exercises hurt so fucking much. One is where you pick up a towel with your toes i did with my left 10 times but my right foot was only 3 times it was quite saddening but day 1 i can and WILL IMPROVE! as for that not much else had night meds these nurses got it right and didnt refuse giving me meds for no logical reason so today was id say a 4 out of 10 i still want to do more i need to push hard tommorrow the gym is back on so yep letssssssss goooooooo
 
Warrior

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Today was a mixture not sure if id class it good but was not bad. I still are having problems with soft tissue damage on my feet. Went to the shop today the weather was not 38 so this was a nice walk. Only stopped twice on the way back to take a swig of my water and adjust my bag. Pain was acting up on the way back. I can now cook due to doing the bs assessment 5 weeks after being in hospital it was put off 5 times but anyway. Saw parents this brought up some anxiety and a panic attack brewing. I really dont think its a good idea to see them for my recovery but if i feel bad for a few hours its nothing they want to see me. Its the normal thing people do. I am a alien in so many ways do i want to change this about me or not ? I like how i am but it doesnt fit in with conventional ways i want to give my family what they want but i want to do what i want. a weird dilemma i should prob talk about in psychology. back to weight loss i weighed the same but i did have breakfast and 1 Litre so i would say i lost 3 pounds just forget to take a shit and not eat or drink before weighing myself for it to have less variance in result

My family did bring physio recovery stuff i ordered to kickstart my recovery the exercises hurt so fucking much. One is where you pick up a towel with your toes i did with my left 10 times but my right foot was only 3 times it was quite saddening but day 1 i can and WILL IMPROVE! as for that not much else had night meds these nurses got it right and didnt refuse giving me meds for no logical reason so today was id say a 4 out of 10 i still want to do more i need to push hard tommorrow the gym is back on so yep letssssssss goooooooo
I am pleased you was able to get out and walk plus taking a drink with you also..it's funny you on about your family and feeling your anxiety rise when they come but I went the same in hospital and the nurses must have been watching but on a few occasions they was stopped and in the end they said they was causing my mental issues..it makes you wonder sometimes ;)
Sounds to me that you want to live your own life independently as you seem to enjoy walks on your own and doing things while in hospital.
You do make me laugh this end you know with what you say blunt to the core it's brill :cheer:
Never tried that foot lark with a towel..my knees went on me twice last year and now I can't bend them :cry: oh I did the exercises the doc prescribed and all I could hear was crunch :rofl2:

Glad your meds was given as they should and enjoy your gym work out, I used to go years back old codger now mate :whistle:
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

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I am pleased you was able to get out and walk plus taking a drink with you also..it's funny you on about your family and feeling your anxiety rise when they come but I went the same in hospital and the nurses must have been watching but on a few occasions they was stopped and in the end they said they was causing my mental issues..it makes you wonder sometimes ;)
Sounds to me that you want to live your own life independently as you seem to enjoy walks on your own and doing things while in hospital.
You do make me laugh this end you know with what you say blunt to the core it's brill :cheer:
Never tried that foot lark with a towel..my knees went on me twice last year and now I can't bend them :cry: oh I did the exercises the doc prescribed and all I could hear was crunch :rofl2:

Glad your meds was given as they should and enjoy your gym work out, I used to go years back old codger now mate :whistle:
Thanks for the loving message Warrior reading your message changed my mood from shitty to happy :hug:
 
sadpunchingbag

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Glad I cheered you up mate (y)...hows today been so far? :)
first time in 5 nearly 6 years i used a bus so that is something i would of liked to of gone further but it was a quick journey also went to the hospital gym it was not on for the past 2 weeks which pissed me off i came back in today i regressed went back really pissed me off i get into a vortex of thinking some nasty things about myself i deserve to die etc not good enough and a bunch of other things but i will now travel to a local gym so i never miss it again having a gym open in hospital is all well and good but sometimes its not on for me it really fucks me my mind so sort of a mixed day id say. How is your day Warrior ?
 
Warrior

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first time in 5 nearly 6 years i used a bus so that is something i would of liked to of gone further but it was a quick journey also went to the hospital gym it was not on for the past 2 weeks which pissed me off i came back in today i regressed went back really pissed me off i get into a vortex of thinking some nasty things about myself i deserve to die etc not good enough and a bunch of other things but i will now travel to a local gym so i never miss it again having a gym open in hospital is all well and good but sometimes its not on for me it really fucks me my mind so sort of a mixed day id say. How is your day Warrior ?
Congratulations regarding the bus :cheer:just that short distance is a major success.

What your telling me really in my opinion your building your hopes up such as the gym and when they're knocked, your going into a state of anxiety which then leads to thoughts and knocking yourself down. As you know by what I've said I've had years of mental issues and still do with some parts but when I lived on my own changed it for me started doing stuff myself which I thought god it's a lovely bonus, I felt I was achieving things, so try your hardest please to look more in a positive view.
Local gyms are best they had one in the last hospital I was in and that was in the 90's it's been a few years mate now but half the time that was shut..what's the point of something building patients hope up and knocking them back MADNESS :curseyou:
I've just had one stressful issue today, we booked an appointment for the gas and rads to be checked, in comes the bloke tools being dropped on the wooden flooring OMG :panic:and then he was going to walk across the carpet in working boots but thank god to hubby he stopped him in his tracks :dance: I was glad when he went.
I've got a brass plate on my front door saying (Please remove your shoes) :rofl2: besides blue shoe coverings :whistle:
 
sadpunchingbag

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Will post my day tommorrow really tired sorry all night
 
sadpunchingbag

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Hi everyone sorry i could not post i was absolutely exhausted. The day was packed maybe for not others but i am doing more each few days. Slow improvement But improvement. So i did the regular get dressed eat breakfast drone stuff then i went out with an OT AKA therapist on the bus just to see how i would be due to my last time going out near the train station when i nearly killed myself. My anxiety works in not the conventional sense i dont feel anxious but my body does i thought i was going to crap myself as a teenager in school id go 20 times a day in school. The conclusion i have come to which it will get easier but i know it will never be a point where i am comfortable. Due to past experiences i will always have a lv of paranoia which i like but i still want to be able to do normal things. Anyway so i did that i was told its a massive step forward i didn't see it that way but that is just my cognitive dissonance anything that is about me i cant see logically it all goes out the window. Also went on a really long walk that i struggled with last week it was much easier but once this gets easy i will add to it make it even longer then even longer etc. It also gave me a time to reflect and think about some thoughts and problems i am dealing inner demons and money problems. My pip was cut even though i used it because the hospital doesn't cover dietary things also i have not seen the nutritionist in 6 weeks which is sort of disgusting i think its because i dont make a big deal but it would be nice to have the same rights as everyone else.

When it comes to the money i just would of liked notice you know but dont expect common sense expect negligence. Sorry side tracked back to the walk feet was hurting like a mother fucker. I did to physio with the items i bought from amazon still waiting to a see a physio person after 6 weeks sort of bs. So i am meant to do some exercises 4 times a day others 2 i did do them all 2 times today and will do 3 today for the ones i need to gradually increase to 4 as for the ones at 2 i will increase length of time because i did the min because the amount of pain i was in. Came back sweating my bollocks off had a rest in the worst pain for like 2 hours i dont want pain killers in the day i can deal with it the nurses did come to my door worried saying you are in too much pain i said i can deal with this its a 8 but at night its a 10. my max dosage is 180mg a day so 3 doses of 60mg i only take i will only ever take 60mg at night i am going to tell the doc at ward round put it 1 time a day at night for 60mg then in a week we try 30 but if no touch go back to 60 i will gradually go down. Dont get me wrong but these physio ***** need to hurry up before i cut my foot off.

It was funny they only took notice when i said i am going to cut the feet off. Was 100% serious and did actually plan to cut a toe off to see if it helped. The nurses think i am nuts i sorta am but not the conventional crazy. back to day i then went to the gym tried lifting the same weights literally couldnt i regressed which is demoralising i know it happens but i dont like it i will go to the gym so it wont happen again i need to lessen the variance in life. weightlifting and cardio is something that grounds me. Closing it for 2 weeks is a piss take someone should of taken it over while the dude was away now. Also next week its not on for 1 week so you see my issue that would of been 4 weeks it has not be on when i would be here for 8 weeks i am not having that. By then i will go to a local gym so thats a goal. To end it off i got the right dose of meds even though the shit nurses where on at night i would broke a window. But good thing i didnt

So today was maybe a 4/10 day id say but i am delusional when it comes to myself eg too hard on myself but that is who i am

Hope you all are doing well thanks for reading for the few that actually do x :hug:
 
Warrior

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:hi: @sadpunchingbag your in the right frame of mind for determination good on you (y)
Even if paranoia does follow you, your still doing those slight journey's regarding the bus and walk, if you don't mind me asking what's happened with your feet? and you would be noticed thinking of chopping your feet off, what I saw a chap do once omg it was worrying all the nurses did was throw 2 buckets of water over him and told him to stop seeking attention :eek:

I've heard they can stip your money from you know to take care of looking after you sorry to hear this mate.:hug5:

You'll get there regarding the gym, it's all about light weights first to suite your body and work your way up slowly, so don't try and get going mad.

You sounding good with positive thinking but don't punish your body by over doing it :)
 
sadpunchingbag

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:hi: @sadpunchingbag your in the right frame of mind for determination good on you (y)
Even if paranoia does follow you, your still doing those slight journey's regarding the bus and walk, if you don't mind me asking what's happened with your feet? and you would be noticed thinking of chopping your feet off, what I saw a chap do once omg it was worrying all the nurses did was throw 2 buckets of water over him and told him to stop seeking attention :eek:

I've heard they can stip your money from you know to take care of looking after you sorry to hear this mate.:hug5:

You'll get there regarding the gym, it's all about light weights first to suite your body and work your way up slowly, so don't try and get going mad.

You sounding good with positive thinking but don't punish your body by over doing it :)
Thanks for the advice Warrior id leave a emotr but on phone ✌❤ As for my feet i currently have soft tissue damage on the bottom of both feet in other words they are fucked the muscles seezed up and dont want to worm so i gotta do physio its so painful but needed also i did have 2 ingrown toenails and a infection in both toes
 
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goodgollymiss

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Are they giving you vitamins
 
sadpunchingbag

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Are they giving you vitamins
Just folic acid i have not seen the dietician in 6 weeks ive been here which is bad i do have what ever veg they provide for lunch and dinner when i do but the sources of folic acid they provide are not good for me for example they provide orange juice but that makes me shit like a horse so not a good idea also the bananas are always bruised and the broccali is ok at times but other its like ass
 
sadpunchingbag

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Didnt post yesturday again this is for tuesday so i dont forget so quite a generic day did all the normal bs i did make my own breakfast. After 6 weeks waiting due to the OT keep putting it off but anyway so i did my own breakfast and lunch. Went to ward round which for those who dont know its like a meeting with the head doctor your doctor a bunch of psychologists,therapists and traniees and master students who observe. Talk about how the week wad if any negligence occured. I brought up things like my physio still waiting and what i am doing for pain which is 60mg codeine at night thats it the head doctor got really pissed off that it wad taking so long to see a physio person so he is on the case. Brought up some othet things about shoulder pain etc and a few other things i cant remember but in corralation with the things i said also the doctor asked what are some postives gave a list of things some i forgot

1 ) can go to the shop on my own
2 ) go for daily walks to the woods over 1 hour when feed are not playing up
3 ) lost over a stone 17 pounds i think
4 ) use the gym 3 times a week when its on
5 ) attend groups
6 ) taking the process seriously
7 ) went out on the bus for the first time in 5 or so years
8 ) talking with everyone on the ward mostly nurses but the odd patient of they want to
9 ) tidying bedroom as a means a schedule
10 ) cook my own meals mostly breakfast and lunch have not done dinner yet building up to that

He said so a lot of progress ? I said it doesnt feel like that but whenevrr it comes to me i get cognative dissense where i do not add the new information to what i allready know if i look at it logically i am getting better but i just cant see that or admit it to myself. The ward round ended it was good it always is just walking up the long hall way is when you get nervrs but that is it as soon as i walk in i see everyone who like which is all of them then i am in my element.

Moving on was going to go for a walk but feet was in more pain than normal must be the physio exercises. I was told it gets worse before it gets better so hopefully soon right ?

Layed around got tired out of the bloom still recovery when i went out on the bus then had the longest woods walk i have ever done then the gym that was the reason i have come to the conclusion i am sure its not folic acid i have been taking it for a few days and plus having a banana for breakfast but i need to see that cunting dietician.

Dropped off for 2 hours or so then woke up had my psych session would not miss that for the world. Went into some deep shit cried like a lil bitch then we did this core belief system page to help them build like a system of how to help me it did end on the brighter note we webt over some of my strengths i wont say.

Really embarrassing personally anyway the psychologist was really happy id imagine proud i said studf because before i said i had nothing i was good at.

So that was productive then we had a psych group that was on lonliness quite a good group to be hones only 2 people though just me and someone else it wad about this video id you go on youtube and type in lonliness its he first result.

Then had dinner layed around in pain came out spoke to nurses for 2 hours or so had meds brushed teeth put on creams and some shit to make me look younger thats it reallly sorry i dont post every day or either what i did yesturday and today in the same day but thats i do it depending on if i am fucked and want to sleep asap or can post

Love you all x
 
Warrior

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Thanks for the advice Warrior id leave a emotr but on phone ✌❤ As for my feet i currently have soft tissue damage on the bottom of both feet in other words they are fucked the muscles seezed up and dont want to worm so i gotta do physio its so painful but needed also i did have 2 ingrown toenails and a infection in both toes
Sorry to hear this mate and physio should be on top of you constant especially concerning your muscles and ingrowing toe nails can be painful seen other with it, my scleroderma as messed up both my toe nails and when I cut them liquid flows out..i dread the cutting. :hug:
 
sadpunchingbag

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Sorry to hear this mate and physio should be on top of you constant especially concerning your muscles and ingrowing toe nails can be painful seen other with it, my scleroderma as messed up both my toe nails and when I cut them liquid flows out..i dread the cutting. :hug:
Ouch how are the feet now ?
 
Warrior

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Ouch how are the feet now ?
My right foot is a right mess under my toes blisters etc and here's one of my toes...my rheumo will have some pic's to see when my appointment come through :hug: that's how the liquid drys up and look at the break out on my wrist that had a massive blister on it.
 

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sadpunchingbag

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My right foot is a right mess under my toes blisters etc and here's one of my toes...my rheumo will have some pic's to see when my appointment come through :hug: that's how the liquid drys up and look at the break out on my wrist that had a massive blister on it.
Wow that looks painful are you on any meds for it ?
 
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