Today was a lot better then i thought it must of just been a hicup due to the attacks but to be honest i feel like i am at home i went for a walk only 45mins but i will ramp it up tommorrow also ward round went better then expected take 1 day at a time if he comes out of icu then attacks me again i will defend myself he will get moved then i assume but who knows right ? Going to jump back on the horse again tommorrow only 3 weeks and 6 days left of my assessment period then they will tell what they think i need then it will be a intense recovery for 3 months then 1 extra month or longer if i need it so LETS GO!!!!!
forgot to post on wednesday so ill do it now i went for a walk nothing big just to through me back into it and that was it didnt do anything else i am sure i am missing parts out because when it comes to me i cant be objective thursday i will try make more interesting and challenging for me
Today was slightly dull due to my depression its my fault i didnt push through it but it got the better of me today. I did have a session with an OT on coping mechanisms for anxiety while out i knew everything the last OT did it with me so it was a huge waste. But ill try associate what i learnt from the last OT but in todays session. Sort of weird but fuck it. Also re did my routine for what i must essentially do on the ward and what else i am going to do to occupy time so today was a shit day in terms of output. Going to write a list from now on what i am going to do for the day. I did not go for a walk so that pissed me off hopefully this is just a hiccup
Today was meh to be honest went on a slight longer walk around the grounds once but did a shortcut because i was with a group. Something i should not do i could od walked around 2 times in that time it took to do 1 i bet i knew it but still went so i could make the excuse i did have a list of shit to do which i did none of i can try do it again tommorrow i slept a lot i must of needed it so yep on a lighter note refused medication tonight ill bring it up in ward round it will fire me up but thats it for me ps i had a convo with another patient he is cool nearly 3 hours. We are on the same wave length all the other patients just dont have or want to talk which is fine tommorrow will be more productive
Today went off to a bad start all my fault i had to wait around 4 hours to wash my clothes there is 1 washing machine for 15 people so it takes a while if you have multiple washes i had 2 so it takes 1 hour 30mins to wash clothes x 2 = 3 hours then 30mins to dry them x 2 so 1 hour add that up 4hours plus a few minutes asking a nurse to open the door for you and walking to the room. But the weather weirdly just drains me i drank id say enough water today 3Litres is my cap because of my feet i get bad water retention so i cap it at 3L daily on hot days. then as for what i did today it was not much but i did manage to go for a long walk 2 hours so that is something i am proud of added with i went to the shops got some milk and bananas for breakfast. So getting back in the swing of things. I did work on some problems while going for a walk just talking to myself it helped greatly and i forgot to mention i lost over 2 stone now i didnt ask my original weight when i came but i will i am on track to lose another stone in 3 weeks so that is one thing i have not failed on i am i wont say proud but i defiantly am putting in work i could do more but i am not negative. Actually i am lying i could do much more like going to the local gym i did have a lot of things on like being attacked twice i wont use that as a excuse i had 5 days off to rest of that situation now i will throw myself back in. Also one of the things i was working through was a way for me to know when to stop so for example say i dont want to go for a walk or to the gym. I dont want explode like i did in the past so i will write down every time i do something then tally it up in a exel spreadsheet like say in the last month i went to the gym 13 out of 14 times i can say its ok Myname it is a 92.857% attendance now i want 100% but its not always possible right now with my more fragile mental health but i dont want to set goals so low for myself like the fucking OT here who doesnt have a clue on what i achieved she has not been reading the notes of my progress anyway sorry for that side track.
Also i have organised my book of all my stuff from hospital which is making me more comfortable when it comes to just knowing and having shit organised
lastly i am going to optimise my routine down to the second just so i dont get any surprises a lot of time is wasted waiting around here so i need to change that
i cant believe anyone reads my stuff lol it looks and reads like absolute shit plus the grammar one last thing i have a ctr in 3 weeks i think it is now so yep going to prep for that better to think it out before hand but not obsess over the details of my writings until much sooner to the date
Completely just cut ties with family going to now be on my own when i leave the psychiatric ward in 3 weeks or longer depending on if they find me a place so i know what my solution is when i leave if things get too hard or i cant handle it i think you all know what i mean.
Sounds like you are ready to leave there. Are you? I hate seeing you upset about things just do not isolate it is not easy getting along with others but it is an important piece of you recovery.
I use to love to walk I envy you for walking every day. This is such a plus. You are giving me the courage to at least try and take a walk today-the weather is hot here but I will live. Lots of hugs and love Jules