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just airing some thoughts

JohnDoe-mk42

JohnDoe-mk42

Active member
Joined
Mar 8, 2018
Messages
27
Location
Somewhere in the middle of anywhere that may or ma
right, so yeah, not sure why I'm doing this. I guess I want to get used to sharing some of my thoughts 'cause I'm supposed to be getting a therapist soon (fyi bricking myself about that, dunno why though). anyway I self harmed from age 13 to 16, not long but long enough that it got real bad, like REAL bad. had nearly a year of suicidal thoughts towards the end, nearly did but I was so tired that I couldn't even be bothered to write a note and didn't want to leave without explanation so I just sorta gave up partway through and went to bed. This trend continued until about 5 months ago, when I appear to have had a slight out of body experience as I would put and after 3 years of complete ignorance I showed my parents what they had been missing, and whilst that was helpful in the fact that I've been clean these 5 months (woo me) dear lord can it be awkward and stifling, not helping is the fact that at age 16/17 (I forget) I'm now surprisingly cynical as a result of not one person saying a thing across that time frame or noticing anything and I have a shared changing room at the school gymnasium that I changed in every bloody week and yet not a peep. So now I'm being successful in fighting the urges off, only rarely feel suicidal but I can no longer trust my friends or family, feel stifled in the home environment and have to deal with a therapist, it's getting to me somewhat. So yeah thanks for reading (if anyone actually did) and apologies for the lack of structure or paragraphing, hopefully my punctuation use is ok at least.
 
G

growingrace

New member
Joined
Aug 31, 2018
Messages
1
happy to read you are making progress, and though not too thrilled by going to the therapist may help you stretch and grow even more. sometimes we don't know why things happen to us, but what I have learned is that those circumstances shape us, make us learn so when another person we come across with issues or going through similar circumstances we once were in; we can step in and bring valuable and honest testimony. We can relate to their situation and we can help. Sometimes the journey we may feel isolated, but it is only when we should focus on our progress and the steps forward we are taking :) so keep on going, you are not alone! As my son says, mom I have to trust the process. :) rooting for you
 
M

MomOf2

New member
Joined
Sep 11, 2018
Messages
2
So happy that you’ve not self harmed again. As a parent to two children who have self harmed, I want to reassure you that as parents, we do indeed care so very, very much. I think oftentimes we’re afraid. We’re afraid of pushing too hard, we’re afraid of not pushing hard enough. We’re afraid of pushing in the wrong direction. There are no manuals for raising a child and when faced with something so devastating, we can often freeze, afraid that any movement at all will push our child over the edge. The fear of losing a child - just the mere thought of it - is so utterly frightening, that we’d often rather put our heads in the sand than to even entertain the idea that our child is suffering in such a horrific way. Please, as hard as it is for you, don’t shut your parents out. Don’t let their reaction - or lack of one - make you believe they don’t care. They’re likely just frozen in fear, unsure of how to help you, and painfully aware of the potential consequences of making the wrong move. Hang in there! With the hard work and the help of a good therapist, these are all feelings that CAN be dealt with and managed.
 
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