- Mar 8, 2018
right, so yeah, not sure why I'm doing this. I guess I want to get used to sharing some of my thoughts 'cause I'm supposed to be getting a therapist soon (fyi bricking myself about that, dunno why though). anyway I self harmed from age 13 to 16, not long but long enough that it got real bad, like REAL bad. had nearly a year of suicidal thoughts towards the end, nearly did but I was so tired that I couldn't even be bothered to write a note and didn't want to leave without explanation so I just sorta gave up partway through and went to bed. This trend continued until about 5 months ago, when I appear to have had a slight out of body experience as I would put and after 3 years of complete ignorance I showed my parents what they had been missing, and whilst that was helpful in the fact that I've been clean these 5 months (woo me) dear lord can it be awkward and stifling, not helping is the fact that at age 16/17 (I forget) I'm now surprisingly cynical as a result of not one person saying a thing across that time frame or noticing anything and I have a shared changing room at the school gymnasium that I changed in every bloody week and yet not a peep. So now I'm being successful in fighting the urges off, only rarely feel suicidal but I can no longer trust my friends or family, feel stifled in the home environment and have to deal with a therapist, it's getting to me somewhat. So yeah thanks for reading (if anyone actually did) and apologies for the lack of structure or paragraphing, hopefully my punctuation use is ok at least.