Just a bit sick of being labelled....

A

alexolly2006

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#1
Hello everyone,

Like the title says, I am just a bit sick of being labelled by family of all people. With the exception of my amazing mum. I have 2 young boys and to be honest ever since being diagnosed with Schizophrenia I have looked after them the best I could and endeavoured to be the best father I could be. Problem is due to my condition and the stigma surrounding it my ex-wife only allows me to see my boys 3 hours per week if I am lucky and its starting to impact on the bond I share with them both.

Started to develop Schizophrenia at the age of 34 and I am now the tender age of 42. No longer in services, I do miss them as I have recently split up with my second wife of 3 years together. She had been through so much and resorted to drinking to cope, however 2 to 3 bottles a night. Meant I struggled to cope, which eventually led to me leaving, which is very sad as "I still love and miss her".

Life can be a struggle with our condition, I take anti psychotic medication to help control the voices and delusions. My sleep is all over the place, no pattern to it at all. I struggle to be around people due to severe anxiety and on occasions voice hear when very anxious.

You never know, one day we will be better understood in society and there will be less stigma. I can see things moving in the right direction in the news. I have tried to help in the past, I have been on local radio twice talking about voice hearing with the BBC back in 2011.

If anyone needs a bit of support or advice. Or can give me some support or advice, I am always here.

Happy Easter everyone!

David
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#2
It is hard. Sometimes I feel like I am nothing but my mental illness label. :hug:
 
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alexolly2006

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#4
Me too, sometimes I feel like that. But I keep telling myself there is more to you David than your disability. Look what Stephen Hawking achieved, then again I am no Stephen Hawking lol....:)
 
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I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#5
I think Stephen Hawkins was great. He still carried on as a quadriplegic. If quadriplegics can work I should be able to as well.
 
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alexolly2006

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#6
That's right :) I guess some of us though work hard just to stay well...Thank you for replying its nice to know I am not alone in this vast forum.
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#7
You're welcome. I guess I'm just weaker than a quadriplegic. I'm pathetic. :cry:
 
burt tomato

burt tomato

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#8
Happy Easter David.

Keep talking. It is through talking that we can break down this awful stigma.
 
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alexolly2006

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#9
Your not pathetic, I am not working at the minute in terms of employment, due to my condition. However I know I am working really hard to stay well and that's so important. After being so very poorly in the past, its nice to be in control of my mind again. Keep you chin up :)
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#10
I want a job someday. I want to feel strong and productive. I wanna make more money too. Thanks.
 
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alexolly2006

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#12
One day I am sure you will get your wish FUBARLady, if that's what you want. You can achieve your dreams, you can achieve anything you put your mind to. However it can take a little time, so little steps and you can go a long way.
 
Cazcat

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#14
Hi David,

It sounds like you are doing a good job of staying well. Stigma and ignorance suck. I've been feeling stigma with regards to my husband's condition (psychosis) pretty keenly since we decided to start a family and it really upsets me on his behalf as well as my own. Twice recently when I have challenged people on Stigma, they have reacted by telling me that their views are not stigmatized but common sense. One of those occasions has been from family.

I have been told by a GP to consider the morals of us having children. We are currently waiting to find out if we be approved fertility treatment but have been warned that we may not be if they do not feel his mental health is stable enough.

I'm sorry that you don't get to see your sons as much as you would like to. I hope this improves in the future. Your boys have a father that loves them and they will grow up knowing that. They will be lucky to have the benefit of your life experiences as they grow up. How old are they?
 
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alexolly2006

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#15
Hi Cazcat,

My two boys are aged 8 and 11, they don't have any mental health issues. They are both very intelligent, great athletes, love Mathematics and sport. Both have gentle natures about them, very inquisitive and caring. All because I have schizophrenia does not mean my boys will, its a miss conception.

I think everyone has a chance of developing schizophrenia its about 1%. If your parent has it I think it rises to about 10%. There are loads of factors like childhood, genetics, drug misuse, stress & environmental.

I really do hope you are given the fertility treatment you deserve and you are able to start a family. Its not easy being a parent but I don't think there is anything more special than bringing a new life into this world. Surely they can't discriminate against you because of your husband condition, is that not against your human rights?

I wish you all the luck in the world, with regards to your fertility treatment. Thank you for replying to me, its much appreciated.

Many thanks,


David
 
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alexolly2006

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#16
Someone suggested I start a voice hearing group with inter voice. I don't think we have any in the town where I live. I did attend one through the NHS but stopped about 5 years ago. I think its a great suggestion :)

To be honest I am still a bit sick of the situation with access to my two boys, how my siblings still have a relationship with my ex-wife and how 'clicky' they are. They look down at me, like I am stupid and incapable of anything. Its pretty bad to be honest, I am quite isolated. But having a mental health issue I am sure many others feel isolated or alone as well. I will keep fighting though, I know I am a wonderful father to my two boys. When I am ready and start a new voice hearing group, I know this will give me great satisfaction......:)
 
Kerome

Kerome

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#17
Hi David, I really sympathise on being labelled and stigmatised. What I always tell people is, it’s not the label that matters, but it’s that person’s story. The things they have gone through is a much better way of defining who they are and what their condition is than any diagnostic shorthand. And I’d hope that you find people here who are prepared to listen.

I hope your contact with your boys stays good despite the difficulties. I remember from my childhood after my mother and father separated how hard it was to stay in contact, and in those days we didn’t have the modern ways of keeping in touch such as WhatsApp.
 
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alexolly2006

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#18
Hi Kerome,

When I was in hospital I was having a conversation with my voices and they came up with this quote:

"I stand tall above you not by my size or stature but the colour of my character"
-by me

It sounds like something Martin Luther King would say, its quite fitting considering I stand at 187cm tall and weigh close to 100KG lol....:)

Thank you for what you said, your right its your story, what you have been through, that defines you.
 
Cazcat

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#19
Hi Cazcat,

My two boys are aged 8 and 11, they don't have any mental health issues. They are both very intelligent, great athletes, love Mathematics and sport. Both have gentle natures about them, very inquisitive and caring. All because I have schizophrenia does not mean my boys will, its a miss conception.

I think everyone has a chance of developing schizophrenia its about 1%. If your parent has it I think it rises to about 10%. There are loads of factors like childhood, genetics, drug misuse, stress & environmental.

I really do hope you are given the fertility treatment you deserve and you are able to start a family. Its not easy being a parent but I don't think there is anything more special than bringing a new life into this world. Surely they can't discriminate against you because of your husband condition, is that not against your human rights?

I wish you all the luck in the world, with regards to your fertility treatment. Thank you for replying to me, its much appreciated.

Many thanks,


David
Thanks David,

I'm glad to hear that your boys are doing so well and sorry to hear that your siblings have been so unsupportive. Our families are not supportive either and hold a lot of stigmatised views about my husband's psychosis.

Although schizophrenia and schizoaffective run in my husband's family the genetic component is no a major concern. I know that the risk is low and at least if it did happen we would be in a good position to spot early signs and get the right support.

With regards to fertility treatment the guidelines seem to be quite clear that they can (and should) deny fertility treatment if they feel that a potential child could be at risk of future emotional or psychological problems caused by a potential parents mental or physical health problems. That is what is worrying me at the moment. I know my husband will be an amazing Dad, but we also know that there is no garuntee we won't have tough times where he is ill. I really hope that whoever gets to make this decision can see past this. We have support from his mental health team so hopefully that will help.
 
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alexolly2006

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#20
Hi Cazcat,

Its a real positive you have the support of your husbands CPN, Not only will your husband make an amazing dad, your little boy or girl will have a mum in a million :)
 
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