Jealousy/Envy...

elliepaige20

elliepaige20

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Does anyone else ever experience jealousy or envy of others who don't deal with mental illness/can achieve the things you desperately want to? I've recently felt a bit low due to lowering my medication dosage and interacting with others who appear more capable on the outside than me. I get pretty jealous of the people who can just get up and go without a care in the world; who can just book a flight and travel solo and do all these amazing incredible things. I know that these things aren't impossible, and money isn't necessarily an issue, it's just the anxiety. I'm going on holiday with my family this year and am so terrified of something going wrong. I'm jealous of those who can enjoy exploring and just life in general.

I also find it frustrating when it comes to some of my friends and their relationships. All I want is someone kind and understanding to love me and I love in return, which is why it frustrates me so much when I see my two friends casually throwing away their kind, caring partners who would do anything for them just to go off with their abusive and horrible exes. I know this may be an issue in their own minds that they need to deal with on their own, but I get frustrated by the fact that they literally have what I want and are just throwing it away without a second thought. I'm jealous of the people who have exciting lives with good people and peace of mind and I honestly hate feeling this way. Jealousy and envy are such ugly traits and I feel pretty vile even admitting some of it on here (although I understand it's good to be honest about emotions).

Does anyone else ever get like this? Any advice would be greatly appreciated :) xx
 
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dewey

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It's normal.
E.g.
Some have stable, supportive families and are blessed. Go on amazing holidays. Some girls are spoilt by their amazing partners who adore them and treat them like a princess, and then go looking to cheat on their partner...
It's quite normal to be jealous of these people, mainly because they don't appreciate their blessings.
I know a girl who has everything she could dream of but tries to cheat on her partner...

But it's not helpful to YOU to be jealous so may as well just forget them.
 
elliepaige20

elliepaige20

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Yes. It's normal.
E.g. those girls are spoilt by their amazing partners who adore them and treats them like a princess, and then go looking to cheat on their partner... it's quite normal to be jealous of these people and annoyed. Those who have very stable, supportive families and are blessed in every sense, and go on amazing holidays.

But it's not helpful to YOU to be jealous so may as well just forget them.
Thank you, that's very reassuring to know. I've been trying to work on my jealousy and just being appreciative of the life I already have to lead. I know someday in the future I will meet someone special I just need to be patient, I just get frustrated by how hasty these girls are when it comes to relationships. I also worry about these friends because their exes are horribly abusive individuals and one of my friends has a little girl now which is even more concerning to me if she allows this guy back into her life. I know none of that is my business of course, and I can't control what they do, I guess I just worry from time to time x
 
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dewey

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Thank you, that's very reassuring to know. I've been trying to work on my jealousy and just being appreciative of the life I already have to lead. I know someday in the future I will meet someone special I just need to be patient, I just get frustrated by how hasty these girls are when it comes to relationships. I also worry about these friends because their exes are horribly abusive individuals and one of my friends has a little girl now which is even more concerning to me if she allows this guy back into her life. I know none of that is my business of course, and I can't control what they do, I guess I just worry from time to time x
You worry about them because you are a good person and you know your friend has a kid. If the person is abusive then you can report them to the NSPCC if the child is at risk. That's pretty much all you can do, as a "socially responsible" person.

You sound very wise. You know what people do is out of your control.
I think you think in a very good way. You already know what to do.
 
elliepaige20

elliepaige20

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You worry about them because you are a good person and you know your friend has a kid. If the person is abusive then you can report them to the NSPCC if the child is at risk. That's pretty much all you can do, as a "socially responsible" person.

You sound very wise. You know what people do is out of your control.
I think you think in a very good way. You already know what to do.
Thank you so much! I try to think as rationally as I can in these scenarios, and I'm definitely hoping that my friend doesn't let this person back into her life as he is dangerous and everyone knows it. I don't even think her parents would entertain the idea of him being around again, so I doubt she'll make such a silly decision, but I genuinely don't know with her. The two girls I've been referring to are actually sisters, so I think get a lot of their behaviour from each other. I guess I'll just have to see how things play out and hope for the best xxx
 
HauntedWitch

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Does anyone else ever experience jealousy or envy of others who don't deal with mental illness/can achieve the things you desperately want to?
Does anyone else ever get like this? Any advice would be greatly appreciated :) xx
I don't know your age, but I can tell you that when we are young, it is perfectly natural to want to go out and live life to its fullest -- experience everything you can while you can. Any kind of disability that interferes with that would tend to make a person resentful. It is a normal reaction. Feel what you feel and don't judge yourself for it.
 
elliepaige20

elliepaige20

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I don't know your age, but I can tell you that when we are young, it is perfectly natural to want to go out and live life to its fullest -- experience everything you can while you can. Any kind of disability that interferes with that would tend to make a person resentful. It is a normal reaction. Feel what you feel and don't judge yourself for it.
Hi there,

Thank you so much for your response! Yes I think I am sometimes resentful of both myself and others because of my mental health holding me back in some areas of life. I try so hard not to let it, but it's a difficult thing to tackle for sure. I've just turned 21 so I know I still have my whole life ahead of me, I just feel kind of stuck at the moment and desperately want some kind of change. It's also reassuring to know that I shouldn't judge myself for feeling this way so thank you so much for your kind words xx :)
 
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Sarabi_Gyarados

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Yes, I struggle with envy a lot, and I am one of these people you write about who has travelled the world alone and mistreated my partner.

I envy people who can be content. I remember a partner of mine saying this to me once, 'you're never content.' And it's true. Even if all is well on paper, I feel unhappy and that something is wrong. My mind is seeking the next 'thing' to fill it, to quiet it. Working on contentment is what I must do.

I suffer with envy and jealousy a lot, especially if people are attractive or happy. I think the antidote to jealously is practising gratitude for what you have, which sounds like nothing, but when you do it every day builds up. It creates a perspective shift. Instead of looking at the negatives, you look for more to be happy about. Also, less social media. SM is utterly toxic for my brain.
 
HauntedWitch

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[QUOTE="Sarabi_Gyarados, post: 1851357, member: 82686"I think the antidote to jealously is practising gratitude for what you have, which sounds like nothing, but when you do it every day builds up. It creates a perspective shift. Instead of looking at the negatives, you look for more to be happy about. Also, less social media. SM is utterly toxic for my brain.[/QUOTE]

I really like what you said here. When I was a kid, they used to call this 'counting your blessings', switching the focus away from the glass half empty way of thinking.

I'm with you on the social media thing too -- tried most of it and can't do that anymore.
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

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the thing is you dont know what they go through unless they are 100 percent honest which is no one its pointless to focus about others but for me i do envy but not jealous of others
 
elliepaige20

elliepaige20

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Yes, I struggle with envy a lot, and I am one of these people you write about who has travelled the world alone and mistreated my partner.

I envy people who can be content. I remember a partner of mine saying this to me once, 'you're never content.' And it's true. Even if all is well on paper, I feel unhappy and that something is wrong. My mind is seeking the next 'thing' to fill it, to quiet it. Working on contentment is what I must do.

I suffer with envy and jealousy a lot, especially if people are attractive or happy. I think the antidote to jealously is practising gratitude for what you have, which sounds like nothing, but when you do it every day builds up. It creates a perspective shift. Instead of looking at the negatives, you look for more to be happy about. Also, less social media. SM is utterly toxic for my brain.
Hi there,

I definitely know what you mean about social media, it can be so toxic at times. I've been doing my best to work on being content and happy within myself the way I am, it's just taking time I guess. I'm hoping that by the end of this year I'll be feeling a lot happier x
 
elliepaige20

elliepaige20

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the thing is you dont know what they go through unless they are 100 percent honest which is no one its pointless to focus about others but for me i do envy but not jealous of others
That is very true and something I try to remind myself often. I do find it hard to focus on the positives sometimes, but some days are better than others! For all I know these people could have a lot going on behind the curtain x
 
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