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Jealousy? - BPD

A

Amara1111

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Hi. I'm new here.

I'm frustrated and angry. Has anyone dealt with jealousy while dealing with BPD?

My husband seems to care about everyone else but me and find other people's company better than mine. I voice this and he always rebuttals with "What are you talking about?" Making me feel like I'm crazy.

He makes me feel like I wish i was just dead instead, maybe he'd miss me then. I don't know... hopefully someone can give some input?
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

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married people often start to take each other for granted. lots of men think once they are married they can stop dating/courting their wife. but then the wife gets unhappy and leave and he is left wondering what went wrong.

marriage is just a piece of paper, we are still the same human and person we were before the marriage as after it. so we still need the same things. the wife is still a girl who wants to be dated and courted, the same way she was before the marriage. ❤

print the above out and leave it as a note for your husband.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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Don't waste time analysing. Keep it simple. If he is not polite let him know. If he gets violent call the cops.
 
N

Nukelavee

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If you have BPD, you know that you don't need a real reason to be jealous, and that your level of need for attention may not be realistic.

Blowing things out of proportion is common for us with BPD.

Why do you think he cares for others more than you?
 
GeminiMoon

GeminiMoon

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How are things when you are together and you are getting along?
 
B

beautywithin

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I know its easier said than done as this is where i struggle and i find myself coming on here to see if my feelings for a situation is may be out of line. But break the situation down in to parts to try to pin point what really upset you. This is what i have tried doing now as im not doing great in this relationship but dont think my partner helps shes always digging holes x
 
A

Amara1111

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Thank you everyone for the thoughtful insights.

Call it petty, but he has this god daughter that I am starting to resent (It's not her fault), i just find that he puts more of an effort with her than with us.

Example: He will make an effort to get off work early to drive 1.5 hours to go spend time with her and her dad. While with me, I have to plan outings with him so we actually spend time together. He even said "I need to make more of an effort and spend time with her, since she's growing up." He says things that definitely triggers the abandonment psyche we BPDs have. It makes me retract and become bitter daily. DBT doesn't help often, but it puts somewhat of a bandaid.

I used to have one night stands with women when i felt abandoned by my current partner just to fill that momentary "emptiness" or whatever you call it; it was my bandaid. OBVIOUSLY, i cannot and shouldn't do that in this case.

Now, I literally have to tire myself physically (workout till i'm dying on the floor) just to numb anything emotional. However, me being tired = me cranky cause i'm exhaust daily haha

I've tried to explain that I *wish" he would put the same amount of effort he's exerting into spending time with her into me and our relationship, but he keeps retorting with "I don't get what you're talking about" These conversations turn into arguments and it goes downhill from there that it takes me a good while to go back to baseline.

I guess my wish is that this god daughter of his is not in the picture...like EFF, you're not the father, stop trying to be one. (Bitterness in me)

When we're together. It's fine...we've been fighting a lot, so fine is an improvement
 
N

Nukelavee

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Ok - the god daughter bit does strike me as an issue. You are right, he's not a parent.

for the people I know - being a god-parent means nothing these days. I haven't seen my godparents in like 35 years.

So, for what it's worth, yeah, He should trade some of that time to be with you.
 
A

Amara1111

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Ok - the god daughter bit does strike me as an issue. You are right, he's not a parent.

for the people I know - being a god-parent means nothing these days. I haven't seen my godparents in like 35 years.

So, for what it's worth, yeah, He should trade some of that time to be with you.
He's helped raise this little girl since her dad is his best friend; he had her at 17. So he feels a strong sense of fatherly duty towards her. I've called him out on it several times and he gets so angry about it. Even one of his closest friends finds it so ridiculous of him. I admire that he tries to be there for her, especially since her real father is such a *winner* (Insert eye roll here). But it's not his kid.

Then i've expressed that my fear that OUR own kids will come second to his god daughter and I don't want them ever feeling like that - abandoned. And he thinks i'm crazy for thinking that.

He has been with me through the worst episodes of this diagnosis and through and through he stands by me. But ever since we started dating, my jealousy for this god daughter of his...i can't scratch off...She's a very sweet girl and she looks up to me. But a huge part of me wants her out of our life... I'm such a horrible person for thinking that -.-'
 
N

Nukelavee

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Being jealous of her is something you'll have to work on.

But, I think if you two could come to a better accomodation regarding the amount of time he spends caring for her, you would both be in a better place.

I honestly think he should cut down on the trips to see her a bit.
 
I

Ifinallyknowwhy

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If you have BPD, you know that you don't need a real reason to be jealous, and that your level of need for attention may not be realistic.

Blowing things out of proportion is common for us with BPD.

Why do you think he cares for others more than you?
Sad sad truth. I hate it. The ones I love I hurt the most.
 
D

dewey

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Yeah, it kind of sounds relatable. Like other people's attention, care, and affection is never enough to make up for your need.
The reasons for that, and how you deal with it? You re-take control over your own life and your own needs I guess...
 
W

WhySoSerious

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Don't waste time analysing. Keep it simple. If he is not polite let him know. If he gets violent call the cops.
Wow that was a large jump from not understanding where the OP is coming from to violence!
 
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