Jealous of Trauma

[StillDepressed]

I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, just genetic apparently.
I had what would have been a happy childhood for any other child.
Nothing triggered my depression,
It's just always been there
I've never had a trauma, been abused or bullied.

In fact as one Mental Health worker said
'You've had and got a good life
I would be happy if I your life'
Well I do have this life &
I've still never experienced happiness
And highly unlikely I ever will

Anyway growing up I had a foster brother who had been SA
And my thoughts were if that had happened to me
At least I would have an excuse to feel like I do
And yet he seemed to cope with life better than I did
I have always hated and can't understand
Why I feel like this for no reason.

Jealousy is the wrong word, but I can't find the right one
I would never want
Or wish any kind of trauma on myself or anyone else
But I can't help but feel
At least they know why.

I'm sorry if this offends anyone and
In no means no I be to trivialise trauma
But I was just wondering if anyone else knows what I mean
Because everyone seems to have had that trigger

 

[MeAndMyDepression]

Perhaps you should see a therapist to sort out your feelings. Find a capable therapist who understands what you are going through, can offer support, and hopefully can lead you in the right direction. Talk therapy (CBT) can do wonders.

 

[StillDepressed]

Thanks, I have a new therapy based on CBT due to start in the next few weeks, but I have had CBT twice before so I don't have much hope

 

[Tam]

I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, just genetic apparently.
I had what would have been a happy childhood for any other child.
Nothing triggered my depression,
It's just always been there
I've never had a trauma, been abused or bullied.

In fact as one Mental Health worker said
'You've had and got a good life
I would be happy if I your life'
Well I do have this life &
I've still never experienced happiness
And highly unlikely I ever will

Anyway growing up I had a foster brother who had been SA
And my thoughts were if that had happened to me
At least I would have an excuse to feel like I do
And yet he seemed to cope with life better than I did
I have always hated and can't understand
Why I feel like this for no reason.

Jealousy is the wrong word, but I can't find the right one
I would never want
Or wish any kind of trauma on myself or anyone else
But I can't help but feel
At least they know why.

I'm sorry if this offends anyone and
In no means no I be to trivialise trauma
But I was just wondering if anyone else knows what I mean
Because everyone seems to have had that trigger

Yes it could quite easily be genetic I truly believe my depression/anxiety is in my soul, I get by with medication and hypnotherapy but feel I will never be "normal" (what ever the heck that is)

 

[MeAndMyDepression]

Are you going to see a new therapist? Perhaps a new therapist will be more helpful in CBT for you.

 

[StillDepressed]

It is a new therapist and it's also partly computer based with alterations made to account for my recent diagnosis of Autism. It will be a 6 week tester at mild intensity and if it we thinks it has shown any effectiveness then I will move onto more intense therapy. We've discussed the previous attempts, so I can't fault they are trying to tailor it to me.

 

[PurplePrinny80s]

That "mental health worker" needs to be reported to their supervisor. That is not the type of thing you say to someone seeking help with depression.