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I've turned into a whore.

RedRoseBeauty

RedRoseBeauty

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 10, 2010
Messages
2,374
Location
A city in a country.
It hit me the other day that things aren't okay, I spent all day Thursday crying & on Friday my mate who I live with said he is getting increasingly worried about me and thinks I should go back to the doctors.

Anyways.
I went out with my friend last night. We had a good time. I snogged two lads. Which is no biggy.
However, I then went to my exes and had sex with him.
I had sex with the new guy last week but he ignored me for a few days so I went off him. Now he's back on the scene.
Now, the guy I slept with a few days after splitting with my ex wants me.
I have lost weight and feel like I look pretty good but I realised I have slept with 3 lads in one month.
I am starting to feel like abit of a whore. I don't feel really bad about it.
However, my ex wants me back so he would be crushed to know I have slept with 2 other lads.
The new guy I like would be devastated if he found I slept with my ex last night.
& the other guy I have no intention of sleeping with again.

What the hell am I doing?
I don't want to be that girl who rebounds.
I don't understand what is going on in my head.
Help me please :(
 
B

becky_jase

Guest
The only person who can help you is YOURSELF. You really need to work on your self esteem.

Right now you are vulnerable. It seems the men you have found one man who could see that and use it to his advantage. Learn to say no. PLease be careful who you sleep with because if you are willing to sleep with any man, you only have to find the wrong one and you put yourself at risk. Don't be easy for any man.

No matter how many men you sleep with, sleeping with men is not the way to feel loved.

Work on what you want for you and only you. Learn to love yourself.

Good luck.
 
Hellbilly

Hellbilly

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Aug 24, 2012
Messages
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Location
Cumbria uk
Guys view ??? Anyone interested??? Lol
Firstly 3 in a month don't even make you slightly whoreish how long in between since before that???? Anyway I'm digressing what I wanted to say it sounds like like you have some self esteem issues and maybe a bit of low confidence and losing the weight and feeling better about yourself is maybe a factor on what's going on maybe trying to prove to yourself that you are more desirable and it's working but some of us men are predators and will prey on that. Speaking as As a man all three should be ashamed of themselves . I would say choose carefully but do enjoy letting them look
 
F

fallen

Guest
Hi

I don't think you're a whore. I suspect that you want to be desired by men and also want someone to love and care for you: there's nowt wrong with that!

But these recent events are not bringing you happiness, judging by what you say.

I would advise that you protect yourself and take time out to build your self esteem and happiness for yourself before running headlong into a relationship that is going to possibly going to make you feel worse.

big hugs :hug1:
 
R

Rose19602

Guest
Hi,
I think you're muddling yourself up by sleeping with these three men. The word "whore" is not right here. It's too judgemental and simply doesn't apply.
It sounds like you've just got into such a muddle that you're following your sex drive rather than engaging your brain. In essence, you're having sex for sensation rather than meaning and not thinking things through.
That's fine if it works for you and you're having safe sex....and by safe sex I mean physically and mentally safe. In other words if you are taking care to use condoms and safe sex methods that's one tick on the list, but also consider your mental health. If the sex makes you feel used or deep down conflicts with your morals then it won't make you feel good for long. The same applies if your actions hurt other people that you care about.
Take a step back and decide if you want "stand alone sex" or "sex in a relationship". Make it clear to the people involved what you want and only do it if it feels right for you and the other person involved.
Hormones and sex drives complicate the whole business. As you get older, (I'm assuming you're fairly young?) this will settle down. Just don't make any mistakes that you can't take back!
Look after yourself
x
 
RedRoseBeauty

RedRoseBeauty

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Joined
Feb 10, 2010
Messages
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Location
A city in a country.
Thank you all for your replies.

I don't fall in love easy, the only guy I do love is my ex.
The other two want me and I like the feeling of being wanted by men, I do like one guy alot the other was just my rebound.
I do have low self esteem and confidence issues.
I guess I am using sex to feel wanted.
 
R

Rose19602

Guest
I've done the same. It's a powerful feeling and good at the time!
Sex just complicates things that's the trouble.
Speak to your ex and see if you can work things out.
You won't be the first person to have behaved in this way...or the last.
Hope it works out for you.
x
 
Hellbilly

Hellbilly

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Joined
Aug 24, 2012
Messages
5,989
Location
Cumbria uk
Excuse me I hope you two don't mind me butting in
But where the hell were you two when I was trying to get my self esteem and confidence boosted weren't in the bars I went into .lol
It may have helped me.
Lol
Sorry
 
M

mellonheadgirl

Guest
Hey it happens to the *best* of us. Get it while you can!
 
RedRoseBeauty

RedRoseBeauty

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Joined
Feb 10, 2010
Messages
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Location
A city in a country.
LOL Hellbilly.

I think I'm just trying to like have abit of fun.
I'm 21 and I've been with my ex for 4 years. & if you read back through my old posts you'll realise why getting back with him isn't so easy.

I think I just need to get me head around alot of things.
I'm worrying about my Mum alot. The fact I live 100 miles away makes it harder.
Luckily I have my mate and his fiancee who are like my Mum and Dad, so much so I got a telling off yesterday for staying at my exes. It's good.
But now he's not well, he had like a mini heart attack the other day and he's only 39.


Oh dear.
 
Hellbilly

Hellbilly

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Joined
Aug 24, 2012
Messages
5,989
Location
Cumbria uk
He had a mini heart attack but he still managed last night ??????
I knw you having fun and good on you but just be carefull that someone else isn't at your expense
 
Z

Zapped

Member
Joined
Oct 1, 2012
Messages
24
Hi Redrosebeauty
I relate to what you are saying. In the past when my emotions became overwhelming i used sex as an escape. For me this was no help at all. It drove my self esteem down even lower. Somehow the only self worth i could find was second hand from sexual partner(s), who wanted me for something. I had a use when i felt useless. I was worth something to someone, when inside i felt worthless. I so wanted to be loved and hugged, the closest thing was was being physically close... usually before and after sex. My body attracted men, though to me it was ugly. I had power through being attractive, when inside i felt powerless.
Years later and much therapy....now i see what i was doing, how mistaken and mixed up i was.
There is nothing wrong with sex, there is something wrong when you feel so mixed up and out of control.
Its not about which boyfriend you are with. I found when sexual experiences mixed me up more and more emotionally I could turn to other distractions drugs, drink, there are many more. They can all be effective for a short time. None of them actually improved my life or those around me. If someone truely loved me i would find them faulted because deep down i didn't believe i was loveable. I carried this behaviour on for many years because i didn't know any other way of surviving the extreme emotions i felt and the desperate lonliness. When someone had something good to say about me i knew it was because they didn't know what i was really like.
Its the opposite of a merry-go-round...a-misery-go-round. Each time i went round i made my life worse by fixing the overwelming emotions with actions that made my misery worse.
For me mindfulness therapy helped. life isn't happy ever efter, there are terrible emotional extremes. The difference is i dont make things worse for myself anymore.
Mindfulness therapy isn't a quick fix. i waited over a year to get a place in therapy. There is a lot of support while you go through it, and it's not about dragging up the past. If you are interested in it your doctor is the first call to get the process started.
I hope this post gives you some comfort. Try not to judge yourself, that is a big ask I know.
hugs from me
 
Cal

Cal

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Founding Member
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Apr 14, 2008
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341
Location
South West Scotland
well i'll tell you now that you're not turning into a whore lol, if you want a comparison i have one friend who's 20 atm and has been with over 50 guys, she'd consider 3 in a month as slow paced :p on a serious note though her reasons for being that way are because she's desperately seeking affection and thinks she can get it by spreading her legs and that's a road you don't want to go down. I think i've even managed worse than you by sleeping with 2 girls in one night and i consider myself very restrained lol so stop worrying about being a whore

The thing about flings with exes though is that whatever happens one of you is going to get hurt, trust me on that i've got one ex who i keep ending up in bed with and me and her have caused each other so much pain, for example right now i'm in a postion where i feel to guilty to start dating again since she got really upset last time i was in a relationship (of sorts) and has said that she wouldn't be able to speak to me. The fact of the matter is that that guilt will pass soon once things have become a bit less complicated and i'll start dating even though i know it will hurt her because i can't put my life on hold for my ex.

In my opinion what you should do is give yourself time to adjust, work out exactly what it is you really want and then make active steps towards achieving it, irrespective of how it makes any of these guys feel (don't forget being single for a while is an option too and probably not a bad one). It sounds like a circumstance where people are going to be upset whatever happens and i think that since that's the case you should just make sure that it won't be you. I know that sounds harsh but it'll be better in the long run (and yes, you will feel guilty but it will pass and a little guilt is better than a lot of misery)
 
RedRoseBeauty

RedRoseBeauty

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Joined
Feb 10, 2010
Messages
2,374
Location
A city in a country.
My ex didn't have a mini heart attack my mate did.

I know using sex for affection never works.
I can have sex with no emotion but I just realised I'm doing everything I never wanted to do.
My mate said once 'he only wants to meet you cos you're easy' it was a joke but tbh it's true.
I don't sleep with everyone.
I currently have 5 lads wanting me and I've slept with 2 of them and I really like one of them.
My head is such a mess. I just can't face being alone.
 
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