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Ive self harmed again today

daffy

daffy

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I’m so ashamed of myself ive gone almost 8 months with no harm. But last night while in bed i had terrible thoughts about hurting my head and neck. (Trying to word it so as not to get moderated). Enough to say if i had done it i wouldnt be here today.
But today I SH on my leg quite badly but ive put antiseptic on and a bandage. Fortunately no one will know its there. Apart from when i try and bend my leg it hurts.
I’m just wondering if this trauma therapy is going to be a bit too much its bringing all sorts back into my mind and i feel physically sick when i leave. I’m hoping it will get easier as it goes on but i doubt it very much
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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Hi Daffy.
Can you bring up that you have self harmed with your therapist? I know therapy is hard and brings up a lot of bad memories but i do think personally sticking with it is the right thing to do.
Im glad you are looking after your injury. Shows self care.
If you ever want to chat in more detail PM me. Here for you.
Hugs
Fox
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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aww dafs i'm sorry you felt like doing self harms, you dont deserve it :hug:

congrats on 8 months of no self harms though :hug:

i hope your leg gets better soon :grouphug:
 
Z

Zoe1

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hi Daffy

yes congrats on the 8 months
things like this are bound to have relapses

I would bring it up with your therapist
but also with a view to assessing whether this is the right therapist
I think they should be very careful about ' digging '
which is a thing

you might need a gentler one
if I wanted a gentler one, I might ask the mental health team about it
or the wellbeing hub

:hug:
 
daffy

daffy

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hi Daffy

yes congrats on the 8 months
things like this are bound to have relapses

I would bring it up with your therapist
but also with a view to assessing whether this is the right therapist
I think they should be very careful about ' digging '
which is a thing

you might need a gentler one
if I wanted a gentler one, I might ask the mental health team about it
or the wellbeing hub

:hug:
No she seems very good and always tells me to stop if its getting too much. Which is quite easy to tell as i sweat starts pouring down my face. I thing ill give it another week and if I’m still getting nasty intrusive thoughts i might have to give it up because I’m scared she may say i need to be monitored in hospital till the thoughts have gone. Fortunately that are thoughts and not external voices
 
vanish

vanish

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Hey Daffy, I’m sorry to read about this blip in your recovery.
Trauma therapy is such a difficult thing to endure. I remember attempting it myself, but had dire consequences with my mental health, so stopped. I take my hat off to you in undergoing trauma therapy, it’s something a lot of people can’t do.
If you need to suspend it for the time being, there’s certainly the option. I’d hate to see you go downhill in mental state. If you get hospitalised, remember we’re all here to support you.
 
daffy

daffy

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Hey Daffy, I’m sorry to read about this blip in your recovery.
Trauma therapy is such a difficult thing to endure. I remember attempting it myself, but had dire consequences with my mental health, so stopped. I take my hat off to you in undergoing trauma therapy, it’s something a lot of people can’t do.
If you need to suspend it for the time being, there’s certainly the option. I’d hate to see you go downhill in mental state. If you get hospitalised, remember we’re all here to support you.
It really scares me the thoughts that are going thru my head at the moment. They are very dangerous thoughts. I’m getting to the stage that i need to escape from it all. If you understand my meaning
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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It really scares me the thoughts that are going thru my head at the moment. They are very dangerous thoughts. I’m getting to the stage that i need to escape from it all. If you understand my meaning
please stay safe dafs :hug:
 
vanish

vanish

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It might be time to get in touch with your offline supports like therapist and psychiatrist. I’m not sure if you are under the cmht or have a CPN but if you do, I would also be giving them a call. You need to do what you can to be safe right now Daf. Make those calls ASAP if you can. You needn’t live with such dangerous intrusive thoughts. Right now your safety should be priority Daffy.
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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Oh Daf, I'm sorry to hear you're suffering.

I'm guessing these intrusive thoughts are caused by anxiety...and perhaps delving into the past in therapy has increased your anxiety levels.

You know the drill - speak up and get the professional help available.


You need a strong, support network right now. Talk to your friend and your daughter about how you're feeling and ask them to stay close for the next week or two.

PM any time if you need support. :hug:
 
N

Nukelavee

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It sound like what the others have said - therapy is bringing some traumas to the surface, and it's triggering the SH as a way to cover teh mental pain.

You're brave for facing your fears, and getting the therapy. I backed down from mine, because I just didn't want to go through that kind of period. It was triggering my SH stuff too badly.

Tell your doctor about the self harm. Maybe deal with that for a few sessions, sort of a point where you try to consolidate things until now.

I know it can be hard to resist the urges, but you need to.

-hug-
 
Z

Zoe1

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No she seems very good and always tells me to stop if its getting too much. Which is quite easy to tell as i sweat starts pouring down my face. I thing ill give it another week and if I’m still getting nasty intrusive thoughts i might have to give it up because I’m scared she may say i need to be monitored in hospital till the thoughts have gone. Fortunately that are thoughts and not external voices
by all means give it up, but I think its very unlikely
a therapist would say you need to be in hospital
usually one of their main goals
is to keep you out of there
the two fields are allways at loggerheads in my experience

its a tricky one isn't it
because you might want to discuss a little bit
and then leave it for several months
I think what I do with that
is talk to her about my career goals
to change the subject at times

or ask her for a grounding exercise

:hug5:
 
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