- May 1, 2020
Hi everyone. I am 30 years old & I've had social phobia & bipolar depression since my teen years. This has caused me to stay home a lot & avoid going out & exepiriencing life. Ive lived with my parents all of my life. I've never had a big responsibility or been independent. I always think what if my parents die. What will I do. I get these feelings of hopelessness. I panic to myself. I have a hard time stepping out of the house sometimes. My social skills are not good at all. I think I am slower than the average person. It takes me long to learn something new. I am afraid of people. I have little self confidence and skills. I have hid away most of my life & now feel like I will just be lost and homeless once I don't have my parents. I would like to be confident & be able to care for myself but I doubt myself for everything. I have a therapist I tell this to and we work on CBT. Sometimes I feel like I need to move out and be homeless now so I can figure it out now. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be independent. I dream of having a normal life,a job,working,and rent my own apartment room or something. I don't know where to start. I would like advice form someone whos felt this way & overcame it. I know my mom always tells me I will just have to figure it out & that everyone takes it day by day. That life is not easy. I am so used to being safe in the house and hiding and so to imagine being out in the open and homeless it scares me. When I think of a job I think of social anxiety,panic,and self doubt. Whenever I go out I feel so nervous that I look down and cant have eye contact & I get sweaty. This is ruining my life. I always have racing thoughts. I just want to function normally & be able to work & communicate well. I feel like I have not grown up. I have this fragile mind and soul. I want to be strong! It seems impossible for me.