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I've never been independent. I live with parents & scared for parents to die & my future scares me.

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SweetBipolar

Well-known member
Joined
May 1, 2020
Messages
106
Location
usa
Hi everyone. I am 30 years old & I've had social phobia & bipolar depression since my teen years. This has caused me to stay home a lot & avoid going out & exepiriencing life. Ive lived with my parents all of my life. I've never had a big responsibility or been independent. I always think what if my parents die. What will I do. I get these feelings of hopelessness. I panic to myself. I have a hard time stepping out of the house sometimes. My social skills are not good at all. I think I am slower than the average person. It takes me long to learn something new. I am afraid of people. I have little self confidence and skills. I have hid away most of my life & now feel like I will just be lost and homeless once I don't have my parents. I would like to be confident & be able to care for myself but I doubt myself for everything. I have a therapist I tell this to and we work on CBT. Sometimes I feel like I need to move out and be homeless now so I can figure it out now. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be independent. I dream of having a normal life,a job,working,and rent my own apartment room or something. I don't know where to start. I would like advice form someone whos felt this way & overcame it. I know my mom always tells me I will just have to figure it out & that everyone takes it day by day. That life is not easy. I am so used to being safe in the house and hiding and so to imagine being out in the open and homeless it scares me. When I think of a job I think of social anxiety,panic,and self doubt. Whenever I go out I feel so nervous that I look down and cant have eye contact & I get sweaty. This is ruining my life. I always have racing thoughts. I just want to function normally & be able to work & communicate well. I feel like I have not grown up. I have this fragile mind and soul. I want to be strong! It seems impossible for me.
 
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Deleted member 91323

Former member
Hello sweetbioplar. I think the first thing is to see if you are well enough to work. If you are then you can move forward with the rest of your goals. Personally, I am unable to work due to being too ill. I can understand your concerns. It is great you are working things through with your therapist.
 
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Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
2,295
Location
nowhere
I was like that too...lived at home, afraid to be independent, and afraid of the day my parents were gone.
But, all that has happened now and I'm still here and I survived it and I'm much stronger.
Just take one step at a time. You can do it.
 
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Prycejosh1987

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2020
Messages
619
Location
UK
I just want to function normally & be able to work & communicate well. I feel like I have not grown up. I have this fragile mind and soul. I want to be strong! It seems impossible for me.
Remain focused on your goals. Take it one day at a time, you will do well if you remain focused on your life goals. Have a aim on when you want to achieve them and then work on them over time. They will come to pass effortlessly.
 
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yoyogirl

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2015
Messages
78
Location
Essex
Have you considered going to college or uni part time ? That way you can contribute something back into society and you have something to feel responsible for ? Do you do your fair share of washing, hoovering etc? Perhaps think about asking your parents how you can help out more? Have you considered voluntary work
Do you have hobbies and interests you keep to so you are not watching day time telly every day? Do you have sports or leisure pursuits to improve your goals?
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
9,155
Location
Nashua NH
@dustin001 it’s really hard because it’s staring me in the face all of the time. I try to take my mind off of the worry with volunteer work, spending time here on the forums, chatting with people, helping my mother with chores and playing games and it works but nothing changes the overall situation for me. Somehow I have to figure out a way to get a job and move out but it seems so impossible. In the meantime every day that ticks by my mother gets older and I remain totally dependent on her. I don’t know how to break the dependence. There is no way I can move forward on my own again. I’m not well enough and it’s just too hard. I’m terrified of being another mentally ill homeless person. Does anything work for you in coping? xo, j
 
dustin001

dustin001

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 6, 2020
Messages
133
Location
fort wayne, indiana
@JessisMe i basically do the same, try to distract myself online with this forum and stuff, streaming tv shows and movies, but it never leaves my mind and like your mom my dad is getting older.

this also causes me to think of suicide, im so scared of being homeless on the streets,
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
9,155
Location
Nashua NH
@dustin001 me too. There is no way I could survive on the streets for even a week. And the place I live has winters that are freezing cold. Tomorrow we are expecting winds leading to forty degree below zero weather. For two days. No one could survive that. xo, j
 
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C50

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 5, 2021
Messages
53
Location
Ohio
I have to place some blame on your parents for your predicament. There's a term called "failure to launch" where kids never leave home and many times it's because the parents enable the behavior. Your parents should have been teaching you life skills and independence but now you need to figure it out on your own.

I would suggest finding a life coach. They will start with small task that teach you independence and then you gain confidence. Take a class, get a job, be a voluteer, heck just go grocery shopping by yourself. Every step builds toward your eventual independence.
 
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Player1514

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 11, 2021
Messages
93
Location
Canada
First I would like to say, I am moving out. I did used to feel this way, but I was not ever as intense as some of the people here, but I am just going to try and give something because I think there are some great people here needs a place to start:

So what I think is that let's ignore people, we can cross that bridge when we come to it. Basically all the problems that I can see people here have is financial. I say that because I still haven't figured people out.
I can relate to that very well. It used to be very scary to me when people used to talk about anything financial, as I had never even thought about it before. I just recommend watching YouTube videos about credits cards, debit cards, line of credit, stocks, bonds, dividends, if you're living in the US then what is a 401k and ROTH 401K how to use is if you have a job. This stuff is not very complicated at all but the names are so if you watch a couple YouTube videos about them then you won't be scared once if you see them in real life. Knowing about them will be important when you get a job.

Getting a job could be hard but what I have figured out is that it just depends upon knowledge and experience. first if you've never had a job before get some volunteer for something food related and get a job at a fast food thing. When you get your paycheck and start paying for stuff it changes how you think about money completely. it becomes more valuable and means a lot more to you to. which is good. Then slowly you want to get into better jobs. basically a desk job is something you want to have, they have less pressure and more respect and more money. So just look at the requirements for it and get the certification that the company needs for it. Like if you want to be a bartender, just get the license apply for 20 jobs at least 3 of them are gonna give you an interview get in one of them.

If you're scared about resume building just watch YouTube videos of them. you'll get the basic knowledge and then you can just go as you learn. You your fear of you parents dying as a propeller for doing some things. I know it can be hard but watching a couple YouTube videos is not really that hard.

Graham Stefan is a YouTuber that could help you get to know a bit more about finance maybe. I really hope someone here gets something from this. it can be really scary not knowing how you can do in the real world. I don't even know how it is. I move out in less than 48 hours.

feel free to contact me about any of this stuff. if someone wants to. I know a lot of my advice relies on YouTube, but the barrier to entry is just so low for it and the things you can get are just amazing. Finance is just another dimension of live 2nd to peace in order of importance for me.
 
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Player1514

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 11, 2021
Messages
93
Location
Canada
but you don't really have to know about all the finance stuff too, just getting a job is more than enough i recommend it because it can help in the sense that you'll feel like you're doing 5*4 when you've learned calculus and think it is not that hard. Just make a resume pick a entry level job in retail and apply for 20 jobs use Indeed and LinkedIn. Also right now because the economy is down a ton there are lost of entry level jobs that are available too so there are lots of employers that want to hire someone urgently.
 
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