Ive had enough

E

Elk95

New member
Joined
Oct 14, 2018
Messages
1
Ive been housebound for 4 years im 23 have no friends and life my life revolves around ocd and bdd all i do is cry all the time. i was diagnosed with ocd at 6 but havent been diagnosed with bdd tonight i felt so low i wanted to kill myself i was trapped staring at a part of my face ive been doing the same thing for a month now i used to get bdd thoughts over a year ago but they eased a bit and my ocd thoughts pushed in front but this past month every night ive been focusing on this face feature i dont want to say ive too photos compared but not just in a normal way in a obsesed way i feel trapped and glued to focus on this feature when it comes into my head i cant do anything else i cant eat sleep or think of anything else i get headache but still have to focus on my face.

every night i spend 5 hours non stop focussing and obsessing on my face i feel like injuring my face cos maybe then it will heal in a better way than it looks now then in the day my ocd thoughts make me not be able to go out or see anyone my parents have to come up after work to feed me because i cant handle food myself cos i am terrified of salmonella.

i scrub my hands and arms all the time. I struggle going to the toilet i scrub myself down below to the point where it is so sore i can hardley walk or sit without being in pain. i struggle to shower because i spend so long in the shower and before i even go in the shower i have to do so many rituals its so tiring and i dread it.

i can go Days without sleeping but when ive not slept for 24 hours, i often sleep for 24 hours before waking to even eat or drink. i get headaches i started to have diificulty seeing things that wernt close to me but im scared of germs so cant go to options and my eyes are slowly getting worse so i get bad headaches from that and my brain never resting.

i stopped taking my medication 2 weeks ago i didnt feel like it did amything anymore (ive been taking it for 6 years). The little slip that comes in the tablet box saying side effects happend to fall out one day and i read it and now im obsessed with thinking my hairs falling out as a side effect. i stopped going to therapy 3 months ago as everytime i got a therapist they left in a month and id have to get a new one and i never felt i was helped by them and it was difficult to even get there that was probably the only time i went out of my house was for therapy i dont even know if im under anyone i got a letter saying a doctor would call as i was being taken off of therapy for not comming but three months on no ones called they still dont know ive stopped my medication ive had therapy for so long so many years and yet im still like this i feel like i will be like this forever i hate my life the only reason i havent killed myself is that i love my mum and dad so much i cry thinking i wouldnt be able to see them again i mean thats another thing as well i often cry about my parents dying i have thoughts that theyÂ’re going to die in a car crash or get a disease and i cry so much. My whole life is ocd and i am so tired of it
 
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justanote

Member
Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
7
Someone to talk to

My heart goes out to you! You are dealing with so much at your young age. I'm glad that your parents are close by to help you, but it sounds like you are alone most of the time. I know how hard it is to deal with negative thoughts that keep cycling around. You really need someone you can feel comfortable talking to. You said that you have stopped taking your meds and going to therapy. I know that is seems like these things weren't helpful, but it can be very dangerous both physically and emotionally to cut yourself off from them. If you need to talk with someone, call this number: 855-382-5433. They can help you get in touch with counselors in your area. I'm praying that you will get the help you need!
 

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