I've had enough.

nonotme

nonotme

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2015
Messages
1,522
#1
sod it all, wtf do any of us bother with this bullshit life. its all lies and deceit.

I really are ready to quit.
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 28, 2014
Messages
508
#2
Hi nonotme, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so low right now :( May I ask, what happened? Did something trigger this?
 
nonotme

nonotme

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2015
Messages
1,522
#3
Hi nonotme, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so low right now :( May I ask, what happened? Did something trigger this?

couple of stupid little things but its day after day of not sleeping, stupid thoughts, fear and guilt. why live like it?
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 25, 2014
Messages
4,862
#4
May i be so bold as to ask what you are actively doing to help yourself out of this 'bullshit life' ? Tell me to fuck off if you like :)
 
nonotme

nonotme

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2015
Messages
1,522
#5
May i be so bold as to ask what you are actively doing to help yourself out of this 'bullshit life' ? Tell me to fuck off if you like :)
I guess it depends what you call helping myself? I can just about mange to stay alive most days. I take my medication, I see my shrink, I keep myself away from others so both I and them are safe. so on one hand yes I am.... do I take a proactive approach then no :low:
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 25, 2014
Messages
4,862
#6
Why do you feel you need to keep away from people?
If you want a life you will need to engage a little with them.
Believe me I feel the same, torn, I want to do things, enjoy myself but I just hate being around people.
 
nonotme

nonotme

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2015
Messages
1,522
#7
I want to do things, enjoy myself but I just hate being around people.
I can become very aggressive towards other people when I am around then for any length of time, also I have a lot of thoughts about hurting others, nasty thoughts. When I stay away form them it keeps them down.

I need to be safe more than anything else. and keep others safe, I am scared I will attack one day.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 25, 2014
Messages
4,862
#8
Do you drive? Jus wondered then you could go somewhere remote and walk, that's what I do when its not too cold as im a sissy. I can tolerate people enough though and fortunately only get urges once I'm riled and rageing.
 
nonotme

nonotme

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2015
Messages
1,522
#9
only get urges once I'm riled and rageing.
mine are constant and have been for close on 25 years. my worst is if I see a woman waring a scarf I just get this impulse/urge/vision to strangle her, its not all focused towards women, if I walk past people in general I get the thoughts to punching them.


its been over a decade now since I was last violent towards anyone but that was an ex female partner so maybe I do have issues with females but its not directly towards them. Christ that sounds really fucked up.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 25, 2014
Messages
4,862
#10
We best steer clear each other IRL then, could get messy hehe.

On a serious note is your psychology therapy things not helping you with these urges?
 
nonotme

nonotme

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2015
Messages
1,522
#11
We best steer clear each other IRL then, could get messy hehe.

On a serious note is your psychology therapy things not helping you with these urges?

morning all....

Maybe it is helping buy not curing maybe that will never happen ? somedays are really bad, one small thing can provoke a whole day of thoughts.

I also have to monitor what I watch as that can make me even worse and also filter the news, things willl trigger my PTSD.

as for my actual violent life, I was a rough n tumble teenager but never hurt anyone, hand bangs at dawn really... I had a relationship with woman for 4 years and no violence at all... but then I had another relationship which lasted a few years and there was violence from about a month in, she was very handy with her fists and i would respond, no excuses here I'm not making any. It was a nasty violet affair which I should ahve walked away from.


now i have fear, guilt and no life.


Me.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 25, 2014
Messages
4,862
#12
I dont blame you, if I was provoked and hit i wouldn't think twice about returning it, pisses me off when people harp on men shouldn't hit women, dont get me wrong I know they shouldn't do it but if the woman isnt completely innocent then they should be held at fault to!!
I guess its a case of finding your triggers and living within your boundaries. I guess its not something that will eventually go away if you face it enough? Almost like conditioning?
 
nonotme

nonotme

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2015
Messages
1,522
#13
long:cry2: hard day

allowed other peoples actions to impact on my health. stupid of me.

need a break, not even sure what from. myself? my daughter? my life?


where to turn next.
 
nonotme

nonotme

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2015
Messages
1,522
#14
long:cry2: hard day
where to turn next.
today has been very up and down...... hit a brick wall :mad: can't seem to make anyone understand what I need or what I am feeling. they try, they just don't get it. want to sleep but can't. no sleepers until tomorrow as I'm out. and I don't want to o/d on pain killers just to feel numb.

bad days are these.
 
M

MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,096
#15
I sorry it been one of those days. Try to hang onto the fact that you don't want to OD.

x
 
nonotme

nonotme

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2015
Messages
1,522
#16
I sorry it been one of those days. Try to hang onto the fact that you don't want to OD.
x

will do... just don't want to feel what I am right now. angry at others and i am internalizing it which is doing my thoughts against myself no good.
 
M

MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,096
#17
Yeah, I can imagine. I do the same myself and then I just blow.

xxx
 
nonotme

nonotme

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2015
Messages
1,522
#20

thank you... slept ok so feel a bit brighter. seems like a "mix up" in communication has led to things been said. hope today will sort it out. i can't do much more as I can't take any more, any pressure/stress at the moment is making me so ill.
 

Similar threads