- Aug 4, 2020
I had a fallout out with someone today. You might sit there saying to yourself ‘Come on mate get a grip and move on’ but it’s not as simple as that. This person I fell out with wasn’t just a friend, wasn’t just a best friend, she was a soulmate. We’d meet up near enough every day, having the time of our lives together, always making each other laugh and smile. Over the past year we’d created a bond stronger than just friends, we were family. We both knew each other’s parents and got along with them so well. Everything was perfect, we both felt like what we had was unbreakable and it would last forever. We had big things planned for the future: holidays together, making speeches at each other’s weddings, nights out together, heck, we even discussed moving in together but out of nowhere all of those plans and aspirations came crashing down and now I just feel hurt. I feel like without her there is just a big hole in my life and nobody can fill it because she was so special. I spent so much time with her and now that time will be spent crying in my bedroom alone thinking about what could have been. I just feel so hurt right now and whilst my bestie isn’t in my life, I don’t think I can ever recover. She was unique, one of a kind, special and I loved her and cared about her so much and I still do. I know we only fell out today but I’ve been crying non-stop and have contemplated suicide and self-harm because I don’t want to live a life, she’s not a part of and I just want her back. I know I wouldn’t have the bottle to actually commit suicide or self-harm but it really has been on my mind today. I’m not writing this as a cry for help but I just need someone to talk to right now to help me through this difficult time. I’ve never felt this low in my life and I’ve never really done anything like this before but I just feel there’s no other option. Until either I feel better and recover without her or we make up, I just need someone to talk to.