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I've failed

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cookysasadmonster

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Nov 16, 2014
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106
Location
colorado
I don't know what to do anymore. There's so many things wrong and I can't fix them. My ex wants to get back together again. It would the forth time in 7 years. I'm afraid we can't change for each other. I'm always gonna be jealous of her. I'm not sure it I can trust her. We've both lied to each other in the past. I know she can go without me. Every time we break up she can move on with her life. She has friends and family to pick her back up. I don't have that. I've turned to drugs every time. I've lost all motivation to better my life. Every time I try to change I get knocked back down. Memories of the past are always there. I don't want to be awake because I don't want to deal with my life anymore. I don't want to sleep because I don't want to wake up from my dreams. I don't think I can stay another year. I'm 23 and feel like I'm 40. I want out. I don't want to hurt or cry anymore. I don't want to hurt her ever again. I just want everyone to be happy.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
Hi,

You've not failed, you're just going through a rough patch.

Sorry to hear about your ups and downs with your girlfriend. You don't have to get back together again if you've found, to your detriment by the sounds of it, that it just doesn't work. You both deserve to be happy but whether that's together or apart only you can tell.

I hope you're feeling better about things soon.
 
C

cookysasadmonster

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 16, 2014
Messages
106
Location
colorado
Hi,

You've not failed, you're just going through a rough patch.

Sorry to hear about your ups and downs with your girlfriend. You don't have to get back together again if you've found, to your detriment by the sounds of it, that it just doesn't work. You both deserve to be happy but whether that's together or apart only you can tell.

I hope you're feeling better about things soon.
Its a rough patch I've been having for years and nothing helps. Thanks. I feel like the only thing that'll make everything OK is if I kill myself. I don't fit in with my "family" and barely fit in with some of the Homies I hang out with. I can easily be forgotten.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
Please don't think about ending your life. Even if it doesn't feel it at the time, there are no problems so great that they can't be solved in other ways. Do you have anyone you can talk to properly about how your feeling?
 
C

cookysasadmonster

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 16, 2014
Messages
106
Location
colorado
Please don't think about ending your life. Even if it doesn't feel it at the time, there are no problems so great that they can't be solved in other ways. Do you have anyone you can talk to properly about how your feeling?
The only person I can talk to about my problems is my ex
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
Are you under a mental health team or doctor? Is there anyone else you can call in an emergency if you need to? Have you anything that you can do to aid as a distraction whilst you're feeling like this? Even watching a movie or reading a book can help temporarily to get you through the night.
 
C

cookysasadmonster

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 16, 2014
Messages
106
Location
colorado
Are you under a mental health team or doctor? Is there anyone else you can call in an emergency if you need to? Have you anything that you can do to aid as a distraction whilst you're feeling like this? Even watching a movie or reading a book can help temporarily to get you through the night.
I don't have medicaid. And I do. I always try to keep myself busy or entertained. Even though I do so, I'm tired. I get lower and lower everyday
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
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I'm so sorry :(

I'm in the UK and really quite ignorant about the health systems and services in the US so I can't advise you on your options there. Hopefully someone who knows what they're talking about here will jump in.

Have you tried relaxation techniques or mindfulness? There's a lot of information on the Internet about it to help. You sound as though you've been trying hard to keep busy. Persevere. Please.
 
C

cookysasadmonster

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 16, 2014
Messages
106
Location
colorado
I'm so sorry :(

I'm in the UK and really quite ignorant about the health systems and services in the US so I can't advise you on your options there. Hopefully someone who knows what they're talking about here will jump in.

Have you tried relaxation techniques or mindfulness? There's a lot of information on the Internet about it to help. You sound as though you've been trying hard to keep busy. Persevere. Please.
I do my best. Talking to people (text/social networking) helps. I tend to be more open. Sometimes fucks me off. Gloving is usually what keeps me most busy and entertained besides getting high. I sometimes feel like giving it up though. Just like everything else
 
rubyrose

rubyrose

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Nov 13, 2013
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1,323
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Where flowers bloom
I don't want to be awake because I don't want to deal with my life anymore. I don't want to sleep because I don't want to wake up from my dreams.
That struck me. I can soooo relate there. Sorry you feel this way. I'm not sure if getting back with your ex again is a good idea. I think history is likely to repeat itself unless there is a willingness to make positive change as individuals so you can be better together. It's up to you, though. Sorry I'm not much help. I've never been in a relationship. I do hope you feel better about things soon. Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. Hang in there. :hug1:
 
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*autumn*

*autumn*

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I don't want to be awake because I don't want to deal with my life anymore. I don't want to sleep because I don't want to wake up from my dreams.
That struck me. I can soooo relate there. Sorry you feel this way. I'm not sure if getting back with your ex again is a good idea. I think history is likely to repeat itself unless there is a willingness to make positive change as individuals so you can be better together. It's up to you, though. Sorry I'm not much help. I've never been in a relationship. I do hope you feel better about things soon. Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. Hang in there. :hug1:
I've just logged on and I was drawn to this straight away. I would like to thank you for this message :unsure: xxx
 
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