- Jan 31, 2019
- White Plains, NY
I pray to the Universe that I can open my heart and not feel like caring is a crime anymore. It's the only way I'll be at peace. I've comforted my mother and told her I love her. And stayed with her for hours tonight to help her feel better. She slipped on black ice last month and hit her head on the cement outside our home. Fell back. I'm scared even weeks later mostly because I see how scared she is. The doctors are only making her feel worse. As they usually do. I feel better myself when I comfort her but it's becoming exhausting thinking it is not ending soon enough and everything is going back to normal. It's a bad night tonight because of what a chiropractor did to her today. The only time I've felt at peace today is the brief amount of time I had by myself in the home today before she came home. And for a few minutes while I was wandering around in the cemetery near my psychiatrists office today in the afternoon. I wanted to find a plot of land and just stay there. I'm very disturbed. And I just want a normal day tomorrow drifting in and out of light sleep while listening to ASMR videos. After a night of deep sleep tonight. I want nothing else. Please Universe. It's all I want.