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I've been talking to someone online....

K

khuang

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Avenue Q in the US
And we seem to really hit it off but I'm afraid he'll abandon me. I told him that I have depression and am prone to just stop caring in general but didn't tell him exactly how and why that situation occurs. In the back of my mind I'm terrified of being abandoned again and that I'll just stop making an effort to do things that'll last even longer than the last time. I finally am getting out of the last state after nearly two years and do not want to end up there again. Should I wait to tell him more about my phobia of abandonment or should I wait? I think it's pretty important that he knows since it can cause major havoc in my life.
 
Jimny

Jimny

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I think thats extremely brave of you, well done. You have been open and honest.
Have you been that open and honest initially with someone before?
If not then who knows, it being out in the open may make things different.
The fact that you recognise and are openly trying to go beyond your issues shows your worth.
 
bulbie

bulbie

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You tell him whatever you're comfortable telling him. And if he doesn't like it? Well sod him. As a good friend of mine always says, what's meant for you won't go by you.
 
K

khuang

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Avenue Q in the US
I told him but now I paranoid that he won't like me anymore. I mean the last guy I told about my issues said he didn't even want to talk to me any more because he didn't want to hear about my problems or deal with them.
 
bulbie

bulbie

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If he leaves because of that he's not right for you. Hard as it will be to hear, it will be better for you in the long run.
 
K

khuang

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I'm just so scared. I mean it took me a year and a half to get of the slump the last time someone abandoned me and I can't keep going back to hitting rock bottom again. I honestly stop caring in general and it is truly awful. At my last place I didn't even bother to dust or vacuum for an entire year because I was so miserable and it cost me my apartment. I just can't let it happen again.
 
K

khuang

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Messages
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Avenue Q in the US
I don't think he likes me now. He doesn't seem to respond to my messages like he did before. He hasn't talked to me in two weeks. This is what happens everytime I get abandoned.
 
bulbie

bulbie

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Well then he ain't worth shit. Better you find out now than a year or two down the line. We are always here though, to support you.
 
K

khuang

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Messages
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Avenue Q in the US
The thing is he's the ONLY person to contact me in over a year online and now I feel even more unwantable. I'm at the point now where I don't even WANT to leave my apartment to meet new people because it's like "What's the point? They'll all hate me eventually. So why bother?" I know that I need human interaction but now I sort of dread trying to be social because I know most people I meet will have someone special in their life and I don't and it makes me feel pathetic and that no one would even want me. If they did, then why does everyone abandon me? I even have thoughts that no one would even pay money to spend an hour with me because I'm THAT undesirable.
 
bulbie

bulbie

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Nah you're lovely. If I were single and you were gay Id take you out. :)

Start by being kind to yourself. Don't worry about other people for now. If you can leave the house at all, take yourself to places you like the most. If not, then pamper yourself indoors. The full works. Lovely bubble bath, wine, favourite films, all of that. I'm personally thankful for the U.S. GIVING US Netflix. :)
 
K

khuang

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Messages
876
Location
Avenue Q in the US
Nah you're lovely. If I were single and you were gay Id take you out. :)

Start by being kind to yourself. Don't worry about other people for now. If you can leave the house at all, take yourself to places you like the most. If not, then pamper yourself indoors. The full works. Lovely bubble bath, wine, favourite films, all of that. I'm personally thankful for the U.S. GIVING US Netflix. :)
I DO that but it makes me even more aware of how lonely I am. I think it's getting worse because I keep buying more and more stuff that I don't even need or even have room for because I'm trying to fill the void. And I get so attached to the stuff I buy that I can't ever let them go or donate them to stores like Goodwill. In the past two years I spent over $2000 on items I got from eBay. And I keep buying more. My apartment isn't that big and this is a real problem I have. I know that I need to stop but I just can't. If I DON'T buy stuff then my mind focuses on how lonely I am. I really don't have anyone other than my therapist who I can tell this. No one in my family would even come close to understand how lonely I am and I don't have any friends who I can talk to either. I also often think that maybe I never deserve to have nice things and to be happy.
 
bulbie

bulbie

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Get yourself a box. Everything you like the most that brings you the most comfort, put it inside. But only those things. And when the box is full, stop. Don't allow for another box. Everything else can be resold, or donated. Hoarding is a form of OCD, and it will need to be addressed with your therapist.
 
K

khuang

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Messages
876
Location
Avenue Q in the US
Get yourself a box. Everything you like the most that brings you the most comfort, put it inside. But only those things. And when the box is full, stop. Don't allow for another box. Everything else can be resold, or donated. Hoarding is a form of OCD, and it will need to be addressed with your therapist.
Thing is it ALL brings me comfort. Plus many things I have bought would not be accepted by Goodwill. Let's just say some stuff were bought at "specialty" stores and are not seen in second hand stores.
 
bulbie

bulbie

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It's definitely time to bring this up with your therapist then. You're trapped in a prison of stuff. As for that other stuff? Recycle it. Bin it. Set it on fire. Have fun with ways to get rid of it!
 
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