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I've been referred to social services

myownveryone

myownveryone

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Dec 20, 2011
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Because my words were twisted, and after three days of hell. I just want this to end. I regret reaching out. Very distressed, but still maintaining a cool exterior. I feel weird if I'm honest. Like I'm not quite myself. Also my failed self harm attempt a few days ago has made my urges worse. How dare they say I can't cope with my baby. How dare they. Anybody who knows my child says he's the happiest most content baby they've ever seen. The social worker said that if he's one and this is my first referral, then there isn't much cause for concern because it wasn't a referral from the health visitor, so they obviously have no worries and they see him the most. The home team referred me. They didn't tell me either which they should have. I feel betrayed and even more alone, and like everyone is against me and they want me away from him. He's my baby and he's thriving. The doctor said so today after I took him to my appointment with me to prove he's fine because they kept asking if i feel like hurting him and asking where he is. Makes me mad. Things were hard before, that's why I reached out. Now they're worse but I really don't want to talk to these people. Any of them. Not social services, not my doctor, not psyches, crisis, nothing. I have to now though and my world is going to fall apart, I just know it.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Sounds like things have been really rough for you recently, and have got much worse.

When you talk about the home team, do you mean the home treatment/crisis team?
I think it's very underhand and sneaky that they referred you to social services, to be honest (but then I make it no secret that I think crisis teams are rubbish).

Whilst it's understandable that you must be feeling like your world is about to fall apart, I really think you should try to hold on to hope.
I don't have children and so I can't speak from experience, but i'd imagine your social worker is right in that there probably isn't any cause for concern at all.
I think it's highly unlikely your child will be taken away from you, so please try not to worry too much.

With regards to the doctor asking you questions about whether you've thought about hurting your baby, they were more than likely trying to assess if you're suffering with post natal depression.
I think it's probably something they have to ask you about, even if they themselves don't think you're a risk.

A lot of this boils down to professionals wanting to cover their backsides, because if it turned out you were a risk (which I know you're not), they'd end up losing their jobs if they didn't scrutinise you a bit.

So yeah, take some deep breaths honey. I don't think you need to worry about your child being taken away at all. :hug1: x
 
SarahD

SarahD

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Hi there

I am sorry you have all this worry, it is hard enough to cope with getting help and support for yourself. But whenever mental health are involved they have to do a risk assessment that includes looking at any children someone may have, because in some circumstances they may be vulnerable.

This happened to a friend of mine. She has a lovely little boy, he is healthy and happy and well looked after, but because of her mental health problems she was referred to social services by the crisis team. They did not take him into care. Like you, she was very upset at their involvement, but it turned out ok. She didn't want to talk to any of them either, but you have to. Decide how to be with them in advance, it puts you in control.

I think the best thing is to make sure in all your dealings with them you are calm, don't let them rile you, sometimes they do try to provoke a reaction. They will also see from how you are with your little boy that your relationship is good.

I know it is not fair - you need support, but in trying to get the help you need you find yourself in a difficult position, because whatever you say you will be worrying if it is going to have a bad effect because of this. When if they put the effort into supporting you it would be better for you and your child.

I am sure they will be able to see you are a good mother. You already have evidence of that.

Best wishes, Sarah
 
myownveryone

myownveryone

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Thank you Sarah and Scorpion for your reassuring responses. Keeping my cool feels like it will be difficult because I'm very flighty at the moment. The social worker who called did agree to see me toward the end of next week instead of what would have been today, after me explaining that I needed to recuperate from my breakdown on Tuesday. If she was concerned for the welfare of my child I'm sure she would have insisted that saw me sooner. She suggested herself to postpone the assessment, so I suppose that's a good sign.

It was the home / crisis team. They contacted my health visitor wrote that I was suicidal, couldn't cope with baby, that i had hurt myself and was now staying with a friend while the baby was with his dad, when I didn't even speak to her. What I actually said is that I felt I wanted die but wasnt going to do anything silly, that I was currently at a friend's house to calm down and have a bit of a break from the baby to clear my head while and that his dad was looking after him, and that I had attempted to hurt myself but failed, and i felt silly for it and wasn't going to try again. Totally blown out of proportion. Nothing about me not being able to cope with my son. He was being very boisterous and climby-on-mummy and I just needed away for a couple of hours. I just feel like I can't say anything now without it being completely misinturpreted.
 
SarahD

SarahD

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I know what you mean, they do tend to jump on one thing and overreact. But it is reassuring that the social worker suggested postponing the appointment.

You do have to think before you say anything to them. But it happens to everyone that everything gets to be too much at times, mostly it just blows over, but unfortunately you have got to deal with these people for a while. It probably won't be for long.

There is nothing wrong either in needing a break from your baby, looking after a baby is exhausting, let alone when you are stressed out. It doesn't mean you can't cope with him.

Just keep calm and keep reassuring them you wouldn't have done anything.
 
myownveryone

myownveryone

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I just felt like I really needed to tell someone how I felt, because I was kind of scared of myself. I've never phoned the crisis team, not once in my 9 years of MH issues. I needed to that time. My partner is very... I don't know, emptionally blanched. He doesn't express much of anything apart from disdain or displeased. Or full on tantrum. Everything else is quite empty. He also caused the problem that day so I wasn't getting any support from him. He was mad at me. I slapped him for the first time in our three years together. Sometimes I feel like he's my problem. I'm in such a shitty situation right now and I just want to run away. The only thing I have is my son. The only thing that brings me any joy is him. It will kill me if they take him.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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I presume that's you and your boy in your avatar?
You're both really gorgeous. :)

As I said, I know it's really difficult but try to keep the faith. I think the postponed appointment is a good sign too.

I'm really sorry that the consequences of you reaching out for some help have ended up making you feel worse.
You should have been supported and encouraged to talk - I can't imagine you want to open up to the crisis team again after this. :(

Right now you're probably feeling really overwhelmed.
Speaking from personal experience, I know that when one bad thing happens I start to spiral and think about all the other negative things in my life.

What i'm trying to get at is that it may be that your partner isn't the best for you, but I think it's important to let the dust settle after social services get off your back before making any decisions about where you're at with him.
 
myownveryone

myownveryone

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Dec 20, 2011
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South West
Yeah, I was planning to. I suspect he's abusive but that's a different kettle of fish.

I'm starting to feel good about the social. Maybe I can use her to my advantage. I actually dont have a bed, safe cooker, cot or freezer. We all sleep on an old springy matress on the floor. We had £400 stolen a couple of months ago and that was for all that stuff.

I almosy want to tell her everything. My whole situation. Becauae right now I'm lying and that's bad. If they notice inconsistencies that'll be bad. I could kill two birds with one stone is what I could do. I know she'd tell me to get away if I told her and she'd help me.
 
myownveryone

myownveryone

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Dec 20, 2011
Messages
334
Location
South West
Thank you for your compliment, it wasn't unnoticed. He ia gorgeous, and he's my world. His name is Bruce <3 The only thing on this earth that makes me genuinely happy.
 
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