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I've been cycling emotions today

Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

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So I forgot to take my midday antipsychotic dose today. I wonder if it has anything to do with my mood swings. I NEED a mood stabilizer. I wish I was still on depakote. It helped with my moods. The past couple of days I have found myself to be crying over nothing. Yesterday I was watching Tv. I forget what show was on but I realized that I was crying. For what reason I couldn't tell you. I have been irritable these past few days. I have been isolating myself in my room and getting angry for no reason. I feel like I'm on the verge of another episode. I guess I should check and see if I have everything I need in my duffel bag I keep for when I go to the hospital. I feel so lost. Without direction, and pointless. All I do all day is listen to music, watch Tv, and smoke cigarettes. Before starting sertraline I at least got some sleep. I would normally sleep 12+ hours. Now I'm down to 7 hours or so so now I have more time to kill during the day. I feel like I'm going mad, especially when I have a mixed episode. I rarely eat anything anymore. I just cant find the motivation to make food. Even microwaving something is taxing for me. I don't know what to do anymore. I almost self harmed last night but knew my family would see my wrist when I saw them today. I feel like my schizophrenia is somewhat treated these days but my bipolar remains unchecked.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hi xx i dont have any good advise ,but i have lots of love ,cuddles to send your way
hope you feel better soon love from fairy lu xx
 
Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

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I've been generally good the past few days. I started lamictal and I think its already helping with my moods. I did have a depressive low today but it didn't last very long thankfully. I have been hearing voices quite a bit today but nothing nasty. I almost shouted at the neighbor today because they were talking outside and I thought it was a hallucination but my roommate heard it too. I would have been embarrassed because I was prepped to yell SHUT THE FUCK UP! It's hard enough to fit in without the neighbor thinking I'm a dangerous psychopath. That's all for now I think.
 
S

spiritfriend

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Just here to say that I hope you're feeling better today. It has to be tough dealing with the voices. I hope you find the right kind of medications. Good luck with everything!
 
A

Asymptote

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Ah, the ever so turbulent bipolar-coaster. I've been finding it to be practically debilitating as well, for long enough that it feels as if I have no control over it.

So, does today bring any significant news?
 
Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

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Today was a good day. I didn't have many hallucinations today. Also my moods were good. I did have one weird thing happen today, the back porch light came on by itself. I think I'm getting used to the lamictal. Also I had a nice nap today. Well that's all for now.
 
N

NeatMonster

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Today was a good day. I didn't have many hallucinations today. Also my moods were good. I did have one weird thing happen today, the back porch light came on by itself. I think I'm getting used to the lamictal. Also I had a nice nap today. Well that's all for now.
Glad to hear it Not_Crazy_Yet ... that's good news. Glad you're feeling a bit brighter mate. Hang on in there :)
 
Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

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Today was another good day. Only a few visions, few voices. I think the med adjustment was spot on. I didn't necessarily think I needed more haldol but the Dr knew better i guess. The lamictal is still keeping my moods stable. I actually got out today but the cars battery died so I had to help push the car out of the road and I didn't have a panic attack so that was a good thing. I tried to flirt with the cook at the restaurant. She was a cute one for sure. I also heard back from my lawyer, maybe they can rush my disability case along. I sure hope so. I'm still primarily thinking of that all the time. That seems like my biggest stressor. I would give just about anything to have my case settled.
 
Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

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Today was fairly normal. I was having some anxiety today about going out to do some food shopping so I took a vistaril. I talked to my lawyer today on the phone. They are sending me some papers to sign. I am psyched about getting legal representation for my disability case. Hopefully this will bring me a successful result. I did see a UFO today. That's the first one I have seen in months. I prayed to the UFO. I was trying to communicate with it telepathically, I felt like they were trying to talk back to me but either I was on the wrong frequency or more likely my meds were interfering with the reception. This makes me feel like I should stop my haldol, they may have some important information to give me. But I know when I'm off my meds I'm unstable. The last time I went off of my meds I was when I was in the hospital the last time. They had to order the haldol because they didn't carry them and I went about 2 days without them and I was going a little "weird". If just 2 days off of meds was that hard for me then I don't know what coming off of them completely would do to me. I like to think I could manage but I don't know. I don't want to go back on injections but I guess for now I'll have to be a good little boy and take them ( at least until I can get my disability case settled) I doubt my doctor would give me a good referral unless I'm being compliant. So it's now a game of wait and see. Maybe one day I will try going cold turkey and see if I can deal with the symptoms. My moods have been fairly stable today for the most part. I guess that's all i have for now.
 
Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

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Well today I wish I could say it was a good day. I hit a low and have been depressed most of the evening. Maybe its because I had to get up early and as a result took my meds late. I don't know what the deal is. I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I know its called manic depression but I thought the Zoloft was helping me to be less depressed. Its done shit for me today. I feel guilty for feeling this way for some reason. Like letting everyone down or something. Maybe I can talk to the doctor about increasing my dosage. My head hurts and I feel so drained. I just wanna run away. This new living environment is taking some time to adjust to. I'm not used to living in a safe place. I can finally relax at home and not worry about having no running water but then I can't as there is always something to do. This is a good thing I think but its taking me out of my safety zone. My anxiety meds don't seem to be working as well anymore either. The mood stabilizer has been doing a decent job I suppose as I'm not cycling as much. I just don't know what to do. I wanna SH but if I do I know I'll wind up in the hospital. And maybe that's exactly where I should be. I just don't know. I feel very confused and drained. I managed to cook dinner this evening but only just. I don't know what else to say at the moment.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Well today I wish I could say it was a good day. I hit a low and have been depressed most of the evening. Maybe its because I had to get up early and as a result took my meds late. I don't know what the deal is. I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I know its called manic depression but I thought the Zoloft was helping me to be less depressed. Its done shit for me today. I feel guilty for feeling this way for some reason. Like letting everyone down or something. Maybe I can talk to the doctor about increasing my dosage. My head hurts and I feel so drained. I just wanna run away. This new living environment is taking some time to adjust to. I'm not used to living in a safe place. I can finally relax at home and not worry about having no running water but then I can't as there is always something to do. This is a good thing I think but its taking me out of my safety zone. My anxiety meds don't seem to be working as well anymore either. The mood stabilizer has been doing a decent job I suppose as I'm not cycling as much. I just don't know what to do. I wanna SH but if I do I know I'll wind up in the hospital. And maybe that's exactly where I should be. I just don't know. I feel very confused and drained. I managed to cook dinner this evening but only just. I don't know what else to say at the moment.
hang in there NCY

this was always going to be a rough ride.

can you try to do something relaxing now, maybe have a bath or something?
 
Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

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hang in there NCY

this was always going to be a rough ride.

can you try to do something relaxing now, maybe have a bath or something?
I have been toying with the idea of taking a shower for an hour or so. Maybe it will help. I just feel so blah and sad.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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I have been toying with the idea of taking a shower for an hour or so. Maybe it will help. I just feel so blah and sad.
yeah ive just come off a week of it. I don't know how we survive, truly I don't.

have a nice hot shower, water ALWAYS helps me, don't ask me why (probably something to do with positive ions) but even if I drink a glass it helps calm me.

:hug: here for you NCY. I think you're doing fantastic!
 
Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

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Thanks BDU. Isn't bipolar just the bees knees? Now I feel some unknown emotion. I still wanna run away, but to where? I'll have that shower soon its almost time for bedtime meds. I gotta shower tonight as I have to get up early for group in the morning. I'm sorry you didnt feel well last week.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Thanks BDU. Isn't bipolar just the bees knees? Now I feel some unknown emotion. I still wanna run away, but to where? I'll have that shower soon its almost time for bedtime meds. I gotta shower tonight as I have to get up early for group in the morning. I'm sorry you didnt feel well last week.
yeah it sucked, big time, I cant actually remember feeling quite that bad for years.

but it had a Cause, at least, I wasn't dealing with Shite out of nowhere. Just shite I had to get my head around.

A nice shower for you, some nice smells and bubbles, then a hot cuppa and night time meds.

How does that sound?
 
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