• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

It's too much to deal with

prairiechick

prairiechick

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
6,207
Location
Out of Context
I can't cope with the daily demands of normal life. I can't cope with this much anxiety. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. Please let me die. I don't want this life of anxiety, fear, panic, depression. I can't cope anymore.
 
C

coraline166

Guest
Hi Prariechick

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. What kind of anxiety issues are you suffering from? I'm here to listen if you want.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
6,207
Location
Out of Context
I just have anxiety about everything. Uni, two midterm exams on Tuesday, I don't know. I have days where I can't even leave my apartment. I'm anxious about driving and failing uni and not being able to get a job and never having enough money and not being able to save for retirement. I'm anxious every time I go to the grocery store and I can hardly even get out for a walk these days because I don't want people to see me. I can't concentrate on studying, and I have a presentation to do in class in a month and 4 days. I don't know. I can't think straight. I just took 125 mg of quetiapine (the 25 mg tablets) so I'm hoping for a little temporary relief. I'm also anxious about the summer and how I'm going to manage taking 2 classes and get a job and I am anxious about therapy ending. I honestly don't think I will be able to manage a job for the summer because I will probably still be in therapy twice a week and I am NOT ready for therapy to be over.
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

Well-known member
Joined
May 30, 2012
Messages
7,826
Location
small town Ontario, Canada
Thats a lot hun. Don't go driving on that much? Make sure your near a place you can rest. You may get dizzy on it. Half of one is enough for me in day times. 2 knock me out for 10 hours sleep at night. In my opinion you should get caught up on your sleep if you can, eat well tonight and worry about school tommorrow. You going to do great on your exams.
 
C

coraline166

Guest
That sounds really tough. I know a uni environment must be incredibly hard to deal with when suffering from severe anxiety too. I know it will feel basically impossible to do, but try to concentrate on keeping yourself well first (and then current study commitments), before things like getting employment and being able to cope financially.

Is there any practical/additional emotional support available on campus that might be useful in some way? Even if it just takes a tiny bit of pressure off (for example, with your presentation) that would be really good.

Are you in the US? If you can get support from an occupational therapist, or someone who can actually go out and help you with practical stuff, (in addition to seeing your therapist) that might be helpful.

As for driving, are you dealing with panic attacks? I'm not sure what the best advice is in your situation.

I hope your living situation is ok, and not causing you extra stress. Best wishes x
 
Last edited:
prairiechick

prairiechick

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
6,207
Location
Out of Context
It takes a lot to knock me out, but yeah, I won't drive.

There is so much information to learn for these 2 exams. I don't know that I will do well. I am very scared. Last semester our exams were just multiple choice, but this semester we have more short answer questions and stuff that we have to know word for word, not just understanding concepts. I don't know why my prof plans exams back-to-back like that. It just ramps up the stress even more.

I also got scared in therapy on Thursday. In regard to the neurotherapy, my therapist told me that my brain actually looks pretty balanced. I was confused though, because then she said that my alpha and theta waves were still low, so I don't really understand. She said that she want's to do a different kind of assessment on my brain, but that we should wait until after I see my psychiatrist and have the quetiapine dose reduced before we do the assessment. She said if I wanted that we could skip next week's sessions, and my mind went into panic mode, thinking that I'm not ready at all for therapy to be over and if there is nothing more to do in terms of neurotherapy than maybe we are going to be done therapy soon. But I don't feel ready for therapy to be over. I still have crazy anxiety. And I don't want to skip next week's sessions because I want to be with my therapist. All my attachment and fear of abandonment issues flooded me because therapy is my safe place, and to skip therapy for a week--PANIC! No! I can't skip therapy! I need my therapist. I still feel like I haven't recovered from the 6 weeks I didn't see her when she was on holidays and then sick for another couple of weeks when she got back, so to have her suggest that we possibly skip therapy next week scared the shit out of me. I'm still waiting to hear from her about when we will do the assessment, because she wanted to check with her advisor. She told me she would email me once she talked with her advisor. But I think I am going to email her on Monday wether I hear from her or not and tell her that I want to keep next week's appointments, and tell her about where my mind went when she suggested not meeting for a week.
 
M

mon_amie

Member
Joined
Feb 22, 2015
Messages
5
I'm so sorry you feel this way prairiechick. But you should know that your life is not defined by grades or having a job. I also am struggling to achieve the latter but I know it will come to past, just like it will for you. Take care of yourself.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
I think it's a good idea to e-mail your therapist and say you need to keep your next appointment.
I'm sorry you're feeling to overwhelmed with things at the moment, Chick.
With regards to the exams, you can only do your best. You may be surprised at just how well you do.
It seems like you're thinking about a lot of "What ifs" and worrying about the future..

I guess when I feel very overwhelmed with anxiety, I focus on just one week at a time and if I find myself worrying about something that's not happening this week, I distract myself with something else. It might be worth trying something like that, having a "This week only" rule for yourself.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
6,207
Location
Out of Context
I saw my therapist yesterday. We just talked about my attachment issues and how I panicked about therapy possibly coming to an end sooner than I thought and about my fear of abandonment. In some ways it was probably the most open conversation I've had yet with my therapist, in terms of my attachment to her. She said a lot of things that were hard to hear, but I know are true. Of course, what sticks in my mind the most is what she said about therapy and my relationship with her not being permanent. We talked about how I feel being attached to people is a bad thing, and about the temporary nature of all relationships, and that triggered a flood of tears. I just sat there with my hand covering my face. She said I didn't deserve to sit there alone in that chair feeling so miserable, and she asked me if she could give me a hug. I wanted that hug, but I also didn't want it, but I let her hug me anyway and I clung so tight to her for the longest time. It helped calm me down a bit, but after the session, while I was driving home, I was acutely aware of wanting to emotionally detach from my therapist so that it wouldn't be so hard to say good-bye when therapy eventually does end. I just feel so confused right now. I suppose I need to tell her about all of this, too, but I am scared she will suggest that we don't hug anymore. What if I change my mind and want a hug after all?
 
M

MYTIMEHASCOME

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 12, 2011
Messages
547
I saw my therapist yesterday. We just talked about my attachment issues and how I panicked about therapy possibly coming to an end sooner than I thought and about my fear of abandonment. In some ways it was probably the most open conversation I've had yet with my therapist, in terms of my attachment to her. She said a lot of things that were hard to hear, but I know are true. Of course, what sticks in my mind the most is what she said about therapy and my relationship with her not being permanent. We talked about how I feel being attached to people is a bad thing, and about the temporary nature of all relationships, and that triggered a flood of tears. I just sat there with my hand covering my face. She said I didn't deserve to sit there alone in that chair feeling so miserable, and she asked me if she could give me a hug. I wanted that hug, but I also didn't want it, but I let her hug me anyway and I clung so tight to her for the longest time. It helped calm me down a bit, but after the session, while I was driving home, I was acutely aware of wanting to emotionally detach from my therapist so that it wouldn't be so hard to say good-bye when therapy eventually does end. I just feel so confused right now. I suppose I need to tell her about all of this, too, but I am scared she will suggest that we don't hug anymore. What if I change my mind and want a hug after all?
I have this when i meet people i get attached to them and then eventully when u leave they stop talking to you - it breaks my heart - i just want everyone to love me / like me - like i remember when this girl i worker with about 8 years ago and i really got along with on fb deleted me and it broke my hearts even though i hadnt seen her / talked to her since i left that job - we are very similar - i think we are hypersensitive people - we just want to be loved xxxx :hug1:
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
6,207
Location
Out of Context
Just want to be loved....that is so true. Wanting to be loved preoccupies me at an incredibly deep level, but I feel so unloveable, and when I feel like someone loves me, it feels like the most wonderful thing in the world. When someone is gentle, tender, compassionate, and hugs me and reflects back to me their understanding of how I am feeling, that's when I feel loved. And my therapist does all of that.

Hypersensitive, very much so.
I have this when i meet people i get attached to them and then eventully when u leave they stop talking to you - it breaks my heart - i just want everyone to love me / like me - like i remember when this girl i worker with about 8 years ago and i really got along with on fb deleted me and it broke my hearts even though i hadnt seen her / talked to her since i left that job - we are very similar - i think we are hypersensitive people - we just want to be loved xxxx :hug1:
 
Top