It's nearly time!

Luci

Luci

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Mar 15, 2019
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323
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England
#1
I am in court in Monday.
I am being represented by a barrister, I meet her for the last time tomorrow.
I have reports from a psychologist, a psychiatrist, the crisis team and my CPN saying my mental health is stable.
My supervised contact with my children and past records from professionals all indicate I am a loving, devoted and confident mum with excellent parenting skills.
I met the childrens guardian. I get the feeling she believes me. She met my son first. She asked me what my strengths were as a parent. I told her I consciously do the opposite of what my mother did. She said that when I read what my son describes as my strengths I will be very happy ♡
On Monday a judge will decide if my children can come home to me. It looks good, but I am so scared that I will get my hopes up and be let down. My heart could burst. I'm finding it hard to stay calm, I feel anxious, I'm trying not to feel excited incase I am disappointed....
The guardians report is the final piece of evidence and majorly sways what the judge decides. I feel my meeting with her went well but what if I am wrong?

How will I make it through this weekend? I am trying to make plans and stay distracted and busy, but my anxiety may hinder that.... any tips?

TIA :)
 
daffy

daffy

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#2
I’m not a religious person but I do pray that everything goes well for you. It sounds as if you’ve got really strong support and that you are stable and strong enough to give your son the loving home he needs. I fully understand you saying you would do the opposite of what your mum did. I was like that with my children. And they are happy and well adjusted adults now.So to me that show you’ve got good insight of what lays ahead.
Good luck for Monday and keep us informed of what happens

Daf:hug:
 
Luci

Luci

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#4
My son is amazing! He is 12 and was diagnosed with autism aged 7. I knew from him being young. But I raised him as if he was 'normal'. Of course you have to pick your battles (and sometimes go in another room and close the door until he calms down!) but he is well read, confident, well spoken, intelligent, resilient and understanding. It took 3 years of assessments for professionals to be happy to diagnose him with ASD. The first time he was assessed it was believed he couldn't be autistic because he had and wanted friends.....(because no autistic people want to make friends :doh:) when I recieved my diagnosis of BPD 14 weeks ago I used my son as my role model. I took my diagnosis as part of me and own my traits, make them my strengths. It is PART of who I am, not who I am. It is not a negative it is a strength and something that helps people understand me better. My son describes his Autism as a superpower. He is my hero. The guardian asked him if he wanted to write a letter to the judge, he said no he wants to SPEAK to the judge! He has also arranged to see his solicitor at school. He is amazing. I am so proud of him ♡
 

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Girl interupted

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Nov 17, 2018
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1,019
#5
I will be thinking of you on Monday and hoping it goes well. Be strong. Be calm. You are there to just tell them the facts. I really want this for you.

And the safety net to calm you is that even if it doesn’t go well, you can appeal.

What you have on your side is that most courts/judges will avoid separating children from the mom. They recognize it’s hard on the kids and that children should be with their parents and not in foster care.

I wonder about the social worker, too. Whether she grew up in an abusive home and subsequently paints anyone with a mh with broad brush strokes, which isn’t fair.
 
Lunus

Lunus

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Messages
618
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Norfolk
#6
I am in court in Monday.
I am being represented by a barrister, I meet her for the last time tomorrow.
I have reports from a psychologist, a psychiatrist, the crisis team and my CPN saying my mental health is stable.
My supervised contact with my children and past records from professionals all indicate I am a loving, devoted and confident mum with excellent parenting skills.
I met the childrens guardian. I get the feeling she believes me. She met my son first. She asked me what my strengths were as a parent. I told her I consciously do the opposite of what my mother did. She said that when I read what my son describes as my strengths I will be very happy ♡
On Monday a judge will decide if my children can come home to me. It looks good, but I am so scared that I will get my hopes up and be let down. My heart could burst. I'm finding it hard to stay calm, I feel anxious, I'm trying not to feel excited incase I am disappointed....
The guardians report is the final piece of evidence and majorly sways what the judge decides. I feel my meeting with her went well but what if I am wrong?

How will I make it through this weekend? I am trying to make plans and stay distracted and busy, but my anxiety may hinder that.... any tips?

TIA :)
I wish you well and it certainly sounds promising for you. I loved the message about your son..if only we had been brought up with the love and pride you show with him.
It’s obviously going to be hard not to ruminate before Monday. The only thing I would say is something from my self help material and that is not to worry about it as there are two potential outcomes.
1. The judge rules you get your children back again. It this scenario you have worried needlessly because you won.
2. The judge rules against you. In this scenario you end up worrying about the same event twice.
I hope that makes sense. Also, rather than ‘expect’ to get them back, try to ‘hope’ you get them back, as that doesn’t seem to f*ck with your emotions as much. Best of luck!!!
 
Luci

Luci

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Messages
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#7
Thanks guys :)

Yeah Girl, I am hoping so. the risk to the boys from being separated from me for this length of time in far greater than any risk of them being in my care. It was a man. I felt he judged me before he met me and has a narcistic personality, much like my ex. they will have hit it off straight away. I would hope personal experience would make people better practitioners... however we all know that this isn't always the case. I have reported him to the HCPC for his conduct, in the hope that whatever his issues are, they are resolved, and that he doesn't have the opportunity to do this to another family!

Lunus, that is too true... I appreciate your advice :D I said to a friend earlier in the week, I know the 'odds' are good but the fact this happened to me in the first place.... like you say I have to hope they come back and prepare myself to continue to fight. I don't want to lull myself into a false sense of rest or 'the end' if you know what I mean?

I just plan to stay busy and distracted with friends over the weekend, in between tying up loose ends in preparation for Monday. I don't want to drive myself crazy with it though... ill probably be on the forum a lot trying to remind myself I am not the only one suffering, I am not alone, I am not fighting alone, others understand, I have support
 
E

EstherRose94

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Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,213
Location
USA
#9
My son is amazing! He is 12 and was diagnosed with autism aged 7. I knew from him being young. But I raised him as if he was 'normal'. Of course you have to pick your battles (and sometimes go in another room and close the door until he calms down!) but he is well read, confident, well spoken, intelligent, resilient and understanding. It took 3 years of assessments for professionals to be happy to diagnose him with ASD. The first time he was assessed it was believed he couldn't be autistic because he had and wanted friends.....(because no autistic people want to make friends :doh:) when I recieved my diagnosis of BPD 14 weeks ago I used my son as my role model. I took my diagnosis as part of me and own my traits, make them my strengths. It is PART of who I am, not who I am. It is not a negative it is a strength and something that helps people understand me better. My son describes his Autism as a superpower. He is my hero. The guardian asked him if he wanted to write a letter to the judge, he said no he wants to SPEAK to the judge! He has also arranged to see his solicitor at school. He is amazing. I am so proud of him ♡
Oh my gosh what a rockstar your son is! He’s like nope I got this, out of the way! Rooting for you and him ☺️
 
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EstherRose94

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Joined
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Messages
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#10
Honestly though Luci just walk in there exuding confidence and it’ll show. You KNOW you’re a good parent, you KNOW you deserve your kids. Just walk in there and let them see it. No matter how nervous you are just own it for that short period of time with every thing you have. You can do it.
 
Lunus

Lunus

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Messages
618
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Norfolk
#11
Thanks guys :)

Yeah Girl, I am hoping so. the risk to the boys from being separated from me for this length of time in far greater than any risk of them being in my care. It was a man. I felt he judged me before he met me and has a narcistic personality, much like my ex. they will have hit it off straight away. I would hope personal experience would make people better practitioners... however we all know that this isn't always the case. I have reported him to the HCPC for his conduct, in the hope that whatever his issues are, they are resolved, and that he doesn't have the opportunity to do this to another family!

Lunus, that is too true... I appreciate your advice :D I said to a friend earlier in the week, I know the 'odds' are good but the fact this happened to me in the first place.... like you say I have to hope they come back and prepare myself to continue to fight. I don't want to lull myself into a false sense of rest or 'the end' if you know what I mean?

I just plan to stay busy and distracted with friends over the weekend, in between tying up loose ends in preparation for Monday. I don't want to drive myself crazy with it though... ill probably be on the forum a lot trying to remind myself I am not the only one suffering, I am not alone, I am not fighting alone, others understand, I have support
You know everyone is here for you. 😘
 
Luci

Luci

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Messages
323
Location
England
#12
I met the barrister today. She said unless the guardian recommends the boys come home they probably won't (on Monday) and that the final hearing could be scheduled for October. That could mean me not having the boys back until then. It all rides on the guardians report. She has asked for an extension but it has not been confirmed when she will file. However we are in court Monday afternoon. Legally I have to have sight of the report before the hearing, but this could mean Monday morning is when it will be served....
From my perspective my meeting with the guardian went very well. She asked me questions that would lead me to believe she was assessing the possible risk if the children were to return home (how would I manage contact with fathers, my support network, engagement with services, my strengths as a parent, my employment history and skills....she also said that she has no concerns with my ability to parent) but now I am worried I was hearing what I want to hear. I hate this. When I doubt myself....
So trying to breathe, order my thoughts.....
 
Lunus

Lunus

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Messages
618
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Norfolk
#13
I met the barrister today. She said unless the guardian recommends the boys come home they probably won't (on Monday) and that the final hearing could be scheduled for October. That could mean me not having the boys back until then. It all rides on the guardians report. She has asked for an extension but it has not been confirmed when she will file. However we are in court Monday afternoon. Legally I have to have sight of the report before the hearing, but this could mean Monday morning is when it will be served....
From my perspective my meeting with the guardian went very well. She asked me questions that would lead me to believe she was assessing the possible risk if the children were to return home (how would I manage contact with fathers, my support network, engagement with services, my strengths as a parent, my employment history and skills....she also said that she has no concerns with my ability to parent) but now I am worried I was hearing what I want to hear. I hate this. When I doubt myself....
So trying to breathe, order my thoughts.....
If the guardian was asking so many questions that is a major positive for you
as if she was negative towards you she wouldn’t have bothered. NO concerns about your ability to parent. If you start to ruminate with your thoughts just remember that one. Well done, try to have a good weekend.
 
Luci

Luci

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#14
I went to a neighbours for tea to distract myself, watched some TV and came to bed. Tomorrow is another day :)
 
Parayana

Parayana

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#18
I hope you get your kids back soon as well, Luci, you come across as a nice person and loving mum.
 
Luci

Luci

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#19
The guardians report was released this morning. She doesn't agree with the care plan, she raises all the relevant concerns with how the process was conducted, the flaws in the current plans and the lack of evidence. Because my ex partner had accused me of emotional abuse but in fact it is evidenced the other way round she wants a 'finding of fact' hearing. She highlights the importance of my role s a mother, the strengths in my parenting and how desperate my eldest son is to come home. I am happy with her report. I still couldn't 'call' it. All I can do now is expect the worst and hope for the best...... had a lie in today, woke up, had breakfast and lay down to watch TV :)
I sincerely hope that the strength of justice and truth are on my side on Monday and all the love, positive thoughts and prayers of yourselves and my friends and family, as well as the strong wishes of my eldest son, lead the judge to rule they can return while assessments are ongoing.
 
Lunus

Lunus

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Norfolk
#20
The guardians report was released this morning. She doesn't agree with the care plan, she raises all the relevant concerns with how the process was conducted, the flaws in the current plans and the lack of evidence. Because my ex partner had accused me of emotional abuse but in fact it is evidenced the other way round she wants a 'finding of fact' hearing. She highlights the importance of my role s a mother, the strengths in my parenting and how desperate my eldest son is to come home. I am happy with her report. I still couldn't 'call' it. All I can do now is expect the worst and hope for the best...... had a lie in today, woke up, had breakfast and lay down to watch TV :)
I sincerely hope that the strength of justice and truth are on my side on Monday and all the love, positive thoughts and prayers of yourselves and my friends and family, as well as the strong wishes of my eldest son, lead the judge to rule they can return while assessments are ongoing.
If common sense prevails they are coming home, maybe not on Monday but soon. I thing on your message, do not expect the worse..put that out of your mind completely as it will cause you to suffer. Just hope for the best. Be proud of yourself the way you are coping. x