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Quietman5

New member
Joined
Dec 10, 2018
Messages
2
#1
Why do I want to hurt myself every day over simple disgruntled. Sometimes my emotions build up I just have to let them out. Do I want to die - for the last 4 years or so. When I add up all the comments, innuendos, slights, hints, and statements of what a bad person I am just feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and a strong desire to punish myself. I started with hurting myself but that alone did not provide relief and then I went the next step until finally I felt my punishment was handed out and felt relief. Unfortunately I know it's wrong and am embarrassed at my actions but know that it will happen again. How do I approach this topic with my therapist?
 
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C

chefbengenie

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 3, 2018
Messages
58
Location
New Jersey
#2
simple answer

Print up what you wrote and give it to him.

You don't have inhibitions writing about it because there isn't anyone in front of you, so this will give you the courage to just hand it to them, sit back, and allow them to guide you. Try to find out why you feel you have to punish yourself. There was a movie i watched many times, and in it, a psychiatrist who was the victim of financial scam ended up finding out who the scammers were and she did something about it. She later asked her mentor in a moment of confusion "what do you do when you have done something unspeakable?" and her psychiatric mentor replied, "i tell you what you do, you forgive yourself!"
That one line has always helped me and even though it may not make sense, you have to forgive yourself because it seems in my unprofessional opinion that you are punishing yourself for something that happened or some sort of regret. Own it, forgive yourself, and be honest with your psychiatrist.
I hope this helped.