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It's been about two years since my mom died....

K

khuang

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Joined
Jun 26, 2014
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883
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Avenue Q in the US
And also when the only person who I considered my friend and made me feel normal for once in my life started to hate me and abandon me. I was okay with my mom's passing as she was sick for a year and a half but being abandoned hurt a lot. Especially since it keeps happening to me. This person even promised me that he wouldn't abandon me like every one else had excluding family. I did so many favors for him and I still have kept my promise to him and never told anyone about the secrets he told me. He motivated me to try to improve my life and no one understands that. I often think that the reason people keep abandoning me after two weeks is because of me and that I'm not special enough to have someone like me and that I should force myself to lose weight so people will like me and that scares me. No one understands how awful it feels that no one will contact you on dating websites and when you DO get a message from a person, how much worse you feel when after two weeks on average, they suddenly stop talking to you and act as if you don't exist. I even water six months of my life before waiting by the phone for a guy who promised me that he would call never happen. And do you know how awful it feels that the only way people will go out on a date with you is if someone else secretly pays them to do it? I just want someone to like me. But apparently anything that I want is TOO good for me. Even happiness seems to be too good for me and it seems I was meant to never have it.
 
In the Clouds

In the Clouds

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Apr 22, 2015
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1,892
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England
I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my mum due to illness too. :hug1:
And I also know what it's like to feel unwanted and like I have to change to make people like me. But you need to realise that other people's actions define who they are and are not a reflection on who you are. If they left, then they were not dependable in the first place. It doesn't make things easier, but know that it is not your fault.
You do not need to lose weight to make people like you, if people will make friends with you based on your weight or appearance then they are not friends and while being lonely is awful, it is much better than superficial friends IMO.
I honestly believe that staying true to yourself and focussing on yourself is the best way to be. Looking for love and strong friendships can often leave you unhappy, these things tend to find you IMO.
I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through and what you're still going through, but everyone deserves happiness. No matter what you think of yourself, nothing is too good for you.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Aug 17, 2012
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13,531
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The West Country
Just wanted to say i'm sorry to hear about your mother. It must be really tough to deal with the anniversary of her death and obviously it's not something that will ever really stop hurting. :hug1:

I'm sorry too that you've been let down by your friend and it sounds like you're feeling increasingly lonely.
I know it sounds cliche and corny, but there are people out there who will accept you for who you are and will want to be your friend.

I wonder how confident you feel when you are around people?
I know in the past when i've felt depressed and had low self-esteem, i've unintentionally scared people off a bit through my body language and general disposition.
It's really hard to find confidence out of thin air but people generally do react to how you present yourself.
Anyway, i'm sorry that's not exactly helpful for you when you're stuck in a rut because as I said, you can't just suddenly get confident. :(
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Oct 21, 2013
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4,585
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On a comet
I'm sorry about your mum and your friend :sorry: I second what my friends on here have said. True friends don't judge or base their friendships on looks, appearances, what clothes you wear, etc.
One day I hope you find true friends who accept you for who you are.
 
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