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it's been a dreadful couple of years, am i depressed again or just jaded?

Z

zappa2020

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Aug 12, 2020
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it's not like me to speak to people about this stuff, i'm not that sort of person, thank goodness this is all anonymous. had a dreadful couple, no, fair few years in my 'old' life. in a bad marriage with autistic children, to be brief, things came to a head and I was no longer in that relationship or my own house. ended up in an HMO trying to keep the normal stuff, like work going. divorce proceedings started, and the lies got me down, still do. that process is ongoing, but light at the end of the tunnel. the good bits of my 'old' life were good - nice house, family holidays, time with the kids - I really miss the good bits. I wouldn't/couldn't go back, things have turned very sour, and I detest my ex. also, I met someone new, who is a wonderful lady who accepts all my baggage - the bad days when I don't feel like speaking to anyone etc. i'm off the anti depressants now, don't like taking them, sure - they stop you crying for no reason, but they also stop me laughing so much I nearly wet myself too! they do what they're supposed to, take the spikes off your emotions I suppose. but at the moment, i'm just really fed up, pissed off, not happy. I enjoy my work a bit I suppose, but I can't really be bothered with my hobbies, much of it still being at my old house, I drink too much, smoke again - which is better than doing class A drugs! i'm 56 years of age! they're not 'black' days again yet, just dark grey - what's going on? what will help?
 
B

bpd2020

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I think with depression there are often times it strikes back. For me, I cannot manage without an antidepressant. Is it possible you could try another one that will not make you feel so numb? If not then have you ever had therapy? I believe depression needs treating.
 
Z

zappa2020

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I did try a few early on, like 10 years ago before finding fluoxetine worked best. if there was a 'sunshine' pill I would try that. thing is, I don't want my new partner to think there's something wrong that she's doing - if you get my drift? she has helped massively, and that i'm still not happy a bad reflection on her - know what I mean? tried counselling and therapy, both face to face and by phone, but any small gains are short lived.
 
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bpd2020

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The thing about depression is it does not just disappear. I am in a happy relationship but I still struggle with my thoughts and feelings. Your partner will not think this is a reflection on them if they understand depression. It is great you have had therapy. It can take time with therapy. I have had several bouts of it. It could even be a different kind of therapy will be more beneficial.
 
M

Mistral

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Apr 28, 2011
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502
I like bdp2020 used to take antidepressants but now do not. I also now feel very low on occasions.

It has been about ten years since I took any antidepressant medication. In fact the dose was the highest that was allowed for that particular medication. I was on it for about three years and came of it gradually over a period of about two years, if I remember correctly.

Antidepressants made me function when I was not functioning. I still get very depressed sometimes, but I now know that my depression will pass when I get low. I think I can take the suffering now better than I used to. Or at least maybe accept it better.

Work has helped also. It has its challenges and not well paid, but worrying about work is normal for me and I think if I had not got it, I would get more depressed.
 
P

Purpleplum

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At that age, everyone's jaded. We've been through a lot, we've seen it all and we found out that happy endings are few.
 
P

Prycejosh1987

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Joined
Jul 7, 2020
Messages
619
Location
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it's not like me to speak to people about this stuff, i'm not that sort of person, thank goodness this is all anonymous. had a dreadful couple, no, fair few years in my 'old' life. in a bad marriage with autistic children, to be brief, things came to a head and I was no longer in that relationship or my own house. ended up in an HMO trying to keep the normal stuff, like work going. divorce proceedings started, and the lies got me down, still do. that process is ongoing, but light at the end of the tunnel. the good bits of my 'old' life were good - nice house, family holidays, time with the kids - I really miss the good bits. I wouldn't/couldn't go back, things have turned very sour, and I detest my ex. also, I met someone new, who is a wonderful lady who accepts all my baggage - the bad days when I don't feel like speaking to anyone etc. i'm off the anti depressants now, don't like taking them, sure - they stop you crying for no reason, but they also stop me laughing so much I nearly wet myself too! they do what they're supposed to, take the spikes off your emotions I suppose. but at the moment, i'm just really fed up, pissed off, not happy. I enjoy my work a bit I suppose, but I can't really be bothered with my hobbies, much of it still being at my old house, I drink too much, smoke again - which is better than doing class A drugs! i'm 56 years of age! they're not 'black' days again yet, just dark grey - what's going on? what will help?
Be blessed. You can make life enjoyable for you, invest in something unusual if you can, surprise yourself and work on your relationships too. Life goes quick and it also brings many bad issues, i mm only 33 but i feel like i am 75. I am glad you found a partner, invest in her and do things together and work on communication. Good luck.
 
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