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its a good day...

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whyamihere

Member
Joined
Apr 7, 2009
Messages
19
wow, i feel so much better today. like a flick of a switch i feel like my bf's depression no longer has control over me. i hope this lasts, as i feel like myself again - happy.

he and i hardly see each other, and this time it was a two week stretch. wed nights are my nights without my kids - as they go to dad's. anyway, i was about to get my pj's on and thought to myself, why am i not with my bf right now. then i said, because i'll see him tomorrow. well, i couldn't wait for tomorrow, so i hopped in my car to go and see him, and so glad i did. our hugs, kisses and cuddling felt warmer than ever. we were recently in a huge fight, so seeing him last night, and just being with him felt so good.

i know its a long road ahead of us, but i feel like i understand his depression more, and no longer look at it as "killing us". rather, i'm going to try and be there - more than i have been. my challenge is going to be understanding his addiction, as that has been hard. i plan to meet with he and his therapist, as i've been invited. he's past the point of lying to me - i think, and hope, so that's a start.

i'm ready to focus on myself again, and my kids. most of my attention, at time all, has been on him. i have my own life, and i'm happy. for a while i feel like i stopped living, as his depression has brought me that low. i have interests that i've put on the back burner, but no longer. just recently he said to me that he's thinking of going out of town for a weekend with friend this summer. for the first time, i didn't feel like i needed to cling onto him, and protect him from something going wrong. he's a big boy and can make his own choices. it reminds me that i need to start hanging out with my friends again too, as i put them on the back burner as well. one of my friends just sent me an e-mail regarding a great deal for vegas, and i think i'm going to go. never before would i do that, as i was afraid he'd cheat on me, or at least get more numbers from the bar, and secretly talk to chics he met at the bar - behind my back. wow, that was hard to get over... and the secret myspace usage, talking to ex-girlfriends. wow, glad that's all over.

i try not to worry anymore, what for? if its meant to be it will be. sure, i don't want to be cheated on or lied to, or strung along, but hopefully he's grown enough from his past that he won't do that to me again. i do feel that he is trying to make our relationship work and he's apologized for all the crap he put me through, so why would he do it again, right?

anyway, i feel really good today. the pounds i've gained due to stress are slowly diminishing. i feel healthy again, and full of life - as it was sucked out of me this past couple of years. its refreshing to finally be me again. :clap:

if anyone else would care to share their stories of dating an addict, please feel free to write me. support has never been better, its essential to us.:grouphug:
 
A

anastasia

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 26, 2009
Messages
90
i'm so glad that today's been a better day for you and that things are looking much brighter. :grouphug::clap:
 
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whyamihere

Member
Joined
Apr 7, 2009
Messages
19
thanks ana...

i am super glad too... its been a long time coming for me to feel this good. how are you?
 
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