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It's a constant battle...

myownveryone

myownveryone

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...And I haven't self harmed in almost three years. I had a baby 10 months ago. During my pregnancy I was repulsed by the thought and now I'm obsessed. I can feel the sting, and it's taunting me. I haven't and I'm not going to, but the urge is crushing and I don't know how to cope.
 
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MarlieeB

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I really hope you don't self harm.

Do you know what triggered these urges?

You have done so, so well to not self harm for three years.

x
 
myownveryone

myownveryone

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Thank you :)

It's almost a constant thought in the back of my mind. I've had quite a traumatic life, and so I don't deal with stress very well. Adult life is stressful, and I know I'm going to struggle with every day things forever because I always have. I have spent the past week having panic attacks about my boyfriend accidentally damaging a skull I'd borrowed from a friend for an art project. I haven't told her yet - because anxiety - and today she asked if wanted to buy it. I don't have to tell her now because i snapped up that golden ticket and now I can finally breathe. But I still want to self harm. I always want to self harm. I never do it though. I'm sorry, I'm not sure if that made any sense at all.
 
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MarlieeB

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Yeah it made sense :)

Sometimes we need an emotional release from all the bad feelings. Now, I'm not saying that I am a angel when it comes to self harming cause I'm not. I have been a lot recently. I'm only 4 days clear since I self harmed last.

It's a case of trying to do whatever you can do to prevent yourself from actually going through with it.

What have you done in the last three years to prevent you from hurting yourself when things have got bad?

x
 
myownveryone

myownveryone

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It has been so long now that I feel like it would cause more stress, and take more energy to actually go through with the act rather than to just simply not. But God I want to. I want to so much it hurts. I've also convinced myself they'll take my son away if I do, because if I do it'll be bad. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone 'real' because they'll tell someone about the sick things I think and I'll lose everything. I'm okay though. I've felt like this for a number of months and I'm trumping on just fine. I just really wish I could make this feeling just stop.

Thank you, for your support. I'm not usually one to reach out and its or assuring to know that when I have, people have been there. This is a big relief to me.
 

MarlieeB

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I'm glad that you are thinking that way. Please keep on with those thoughts that are stopping you.

Always here (literally at the moment lol)

xxx
 
myownveryone

myownveryone

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Thank you, I really mean it.

Having some trouble sleeping, are we?

x
 
myownveryone

myownveryone

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You have a life. You're saving lives. I've been watching these forums for a while but not had the confidence to post. You're a big help to a lot of people. You have a noble life.
 

MarlieeB

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Thank you very much but I really don't outside of this forum but thank you xxx

I'm really making myself sound proper lame here haha XD
 
myownveryone

myownveryone

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But these are real people. Real people with real pain, and you help them. People you don't even know. And I'm sure there are many other wonderful things, but I can only speak for what I know.
 
myownveryone

myownveryone

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Dec 20, 2011
Messages
334
Location
South West
I'm also here should you need someone. It's been good to vent a little. I feel this is a safe place to do that now, and that's big because I don't currently have anywhere to do that. Thank YOU, much appreciation going on here also :) xx
 
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