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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

It should be getting easier, but it's not

R

RJB92

Member
Joined
Dec 6, 2015
Messages
13
Hello. I have posted on here in the past, but I'll give a quick description of what's happened in the past and why I'm feeling how I do.
So last year (late July) my wife left me and also took our two young daughters. She moved into her parents and for absolutely no reason stopped me seeing the girls. It was getting evident that her stance in me not seeing them wouldn't change so i instructed a solicitor to help me gain access through the courts etc. After a while she would allow me to see them, but only if it was round her mum's with her or her mum supervising (again, no reason for this).
A couple of months later, my wife met a new man and they rented a new home within a couple of weeks of meeting. For about three months, while they were "getting the new place ready" up until a week before Christmas, the girls remained at their grandmother's while my wife and her partner lived in the new place. As the weeks went on, her mum started struggling to cope with the girls and eventually let me have the girls over the weekend etc. Ever since the girls moved in with their mum, I've been having them every weekend, which has been lovely. Yesterday was the court case (over the phone!), and unfortunately because I and my ex (she is still technically my wife) are so far apart in what outcome we are after, it has to go to a second hearing. Unfortunately I am currently suffering with covid, so haven't seen the girls for two weeks which has been hell. The courts gave an interim decision that I have them every weekend between now and the second hearing.
The trouble is, despite my ex treating me over the last few months like a piece of **** (she even tried telling the court that I'm a violent alcoholic, despite the fact I'd not hurt a fly and the last drink I had was one beer on Christmas day!) aswell as her new man threatening me with violence on a few occasions, I'm still really jealous and hung up over her being happy with someone new. It's obviously valentine's Day soon, and thinking of them two together while I'm in my flat all alone, lonely and totally fed up. I just want the happy, loving life where I have a partner who had a mutual love with me and my two beautiful daughters to spend more time with me, but it just all seems to be going wrong. I can't see myself ever having that happy family life with anyone again, and she has found it within weeks of leaving me. Our marriage was far from perfect. I slept on the sofa for the last 18 months (we were only together for 6 years) we were always bickering and arguing etc and I was deeply unhappy, but I never stopped loving her, so when she left, it hurt so much. I just don't know how or if I'll ever snap out of this, considering I've got to keep in contact with her and always see her and him together all loved up, i hate it!
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
6,123
Location
England
Focus on the children and forget about her, she has gone.

I hope you recover from covid quickly, my friends/relatives who have had it had a miserable time.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,097
Location
Nashua NH
Hi RJB92. Wow what a crap position to be in! It’s awful that your wife is treating you in such a manipulative way and so poorly, especially with respect to seeing your children who you clearly love so much. I’m glad you are getting a little traction in the case which will allow you to see them regularly. Breakups sure can be hard. Despite the fact that the marriage wasn’t a happy one it doesn’t sound like you were quite ready for her to leave you, especially under these circumstances, and have had the rug pulled out from under you in this way, especially with the new boyfriend. It might take awhile to get over this, especially if you do still love your wife. It is definitely possible that you could love again, even though things feel hard now. Once you get the situó with your daughters sorted out and give yourself some time to heal there is no reason you shouldn’t go on to meet someone new and different. Have you considered internet dating at all? It might be fun to open an account to look around and see what’s out there just to have something to do to help keep your mind off of things with your wife and daughters. You never know what you will find. xo, j
 
R

RJB92

Member
Joined
Dec 6, 2015
Messages
13
Thank you for your replies! Jessisme- I've been trying internet dating for a little while now. I did actually go on a couple of dates back in October/ November time and everything was brilliant. She was absolutely beautiful (definitely punching above my weight!), She had an amazing, responsible job (paramedic and ambulance driver) And we got on really well. The dates were amazing (she even said they were two of the best dates she'd ever had). She was also a mother so we had lots in common. She also stated round mine one night and things just seemed to be going really well. When we went on those dates she was always holding my hands, kissing and cuddling me, taking photos etc. But then suddenly one day she messaged me to say that she didn't want to take things any further, which knocked me back quite a bit as I had really good feelings about how we were getting on. Since then, I've messaged countless women and I never get a reply/match with anyone. It's really disheartening to know that no matter who I message (all my messages are original and totally focussed on their profiles and what they say about themselves etc) nobody ever messages back, and if they do, it's just a two word message and no chance of making any kind of conversation.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,097
Location
Nashua NH
Thank you for your replies! Jessisme- I've been trying internet dating for a little while now. I did actually go on a couple of dates back in October/ November time and everything was brilliant. She was absolutely beautiful (definitely punching above my weight!), She had an amazing, responsible job (paramedic and ambulance driver) And we got on really well. The dates were amazing (she even said they were two of the best dates she'd ever had). She was also a mother so we had lots in common. She also stated round mine one night and things just seemed to be going really well. When we went on those dates she was always holding my hands, kissing and cuddling me, taking photos etc. But then suddenly one day she messaged me to say that she didn't want to take things any further, which knocked me back quite a bit as I had really good feelings about how we were getting on. Since then, I've messaged countless women and I never get a reply/match with anyone. It's really disheartening to know that no matter who I message (all my messages are original and totally focussed on their profiles and what they say about themselves etc) nobody ever messages back, and if they do, it's just a two word message and no chance of making any kind of conversation.
Wow, very brave of you to have your go at online dating. It’s wonderful that you found someone you were so compatible with so early on. Maybe she was afraid of getting in too deep with you, too soon? It’s a shame that it ended but could be encouraging from the good things that can come from dating online. Had you thought about giving another go at it or have you been turned off from it entirely?
 
R

RJB92

Member
Joined
Dec 6, 2015
Messages
13
Wow, very brave of you to have your go at online dating. It’s wonderful that you found someone you were so compatible with so early on. Maybe she was afraid of getting in too deep with you, too soon? It’s a shame that it ended but could be encouraging from the good things that can come from dating online. Had you thought about giving another go at it or have you been turned off from it entirely?
I've still been messaging people on there daily and tried many different sites and apps but as I say, nobody ever replied to me. I must've messaged 300+ women over the past couple of months and literally had zero replies, which is really frustrating
 
M

ManDss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 22, 2018
Messages
826
Location
Argentina
Hi there, just my first advice, try to keep all together and dont give any reason to the judge to think you are not able to see the girls. Seems you are ok, but just a reminder, because I know how judges can be, and you are in a vulnerable momment, so bad desitions can happen.

Its a sad story, hear your ex isnt allowing u to see ur girls for no reason. Hope u can find a new partner.
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
918
Hello. I have posted on here in the past, but I'll give a quick description of what's happened in the past and why I'm feeling how I do.
So last year (late July) my wife left me and also took our two young daughters. She moved into her parents and for absolutely no reason stopped me seeing the girls. It was getting evident that her stance in me not seeing them wouldn't change so i instructed a solicitor to help me gain access through the courts etc. After a while she would allow me to see them, but only if it was round her mum's with her or her mum supervising (again, no reason for this).
A couple of months later, my wife met a new man and they rented a new home within a couple of weeks of meeting. For about three months, while they were "getting the new place ready" up until a week before Christmas, the girls remained at their grandmother's while my wife and her partner lived in the new place. As the weeks went on, her mum started struggling to cope with the girls and eventually let me have the girls over the weekend etc. Ever since the girls moved in with their mum, I've been having them every weekend, which has been lovely. Yesterday was the court case (over the phone!), and unfortunately because I and my ex (she is still technically my wife) are so far apart in what outcome we are after, it has to go to a second hearing. Unfortunately I am currently suffering with covid, so haven't seen the girls for two weeks which has been hell. The courts gave an interim decision that I have them every weekend between now and the second hearing.
The trouble is, despite my ex treating me over the last few months like a piece of **** (she even tried telling the court that I'm a violent alcoholic, despite the fact I'd not hurt a fly and the last drink I had was one beer on Christmas day!) aswell as her new man threatening me with violence on a few occasions, I'm still really jealous and hung up over her being happy with someone new. It's obviously valentine's Day soon, and thinking of them two together while I'm in my flat all alone, lonely and totally fed up. I just want the happy, loving life where I have a partner who had a mutual love with me and my two beautiful daughters to spend more time with me, but it just all seems to be going wrong. I can't see myself ever having that happy family life with anyone again, and she has found it within weeks of leaving me. Our marriage was far from perfect. I slept on the sofa for the last 18 months (we were only together for 6 years) we were always bickering and arguing etc and I was deeply unhappy, but I never stopped loving her, so when she left, it hurt so much. I just don't know how or if I'll ever snap out of this, considering I've got to keep in contact with her and always see her and him together all loved up, i hate it!
it seems to me that you just have to get her out of your system.....just takes time
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
918
Thank you for your replies! Jessisme- I've been trying internet dating for a little while now. I did actually go on a couple of dates back in October/ November time and everything was brilliant. She was absolutely beautiful (definitely punching above my weight!), She had an amazing, responsible job (paramedic and ambulance driver) And we got on really well. The dates were amazing (she even said they were two of the best dates she'd ever had). She was also a mother so we had lots in common. She also stated round mine one night and things just seemed to be going really well. When we went on those dates she was always holding my hands, kissing and cuddling me, taking photos etc. But then suddenly one day she messaged me to say that she didn't want to take things any further, which knocked me back quite a bit as I had really good feelings about how we were getting on. Since then, I've messaged countless women and I never get a reply/match with anyone. It's really disheartening to know that no matter who I message (all my messages are original and totally focussed on their profiles and what they say about themselves etc) nobody ever messages back, and if they do, it's just a two word message and no chance of making any kind of conversation.
i think alot of people on dating sites, including myself are actually very nervous....so i wouldnt take it personally if you dont get a reply
 
R

RJB92

Member
Joined
Dec 6, 2015
Messages
13
I've woken up over the last couple of days feeling lower than ever. I just keep thinking of my ex shacked up with her bloke, everytime there's an advert for valentine's on TV, a sex scene on TV, even certain songs etc, I just think about the two of them! I hate being alone and never thought I'd be alone once I had got married. Family life is all I have ever dreamt of and the thought of never having that again is breaking me. I can honestly say that if it wasn't for my two daughters, I wouldn't be here now. I don't look good, I've got a poorly paid (albeit full time) job, live in a pokey flat and really can't see any other woman ever being remotely attracted to me. I never get any replies on any dating site or anything (the people I message look at my profile and then don't bother replying) so how will things ever change?
 
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