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cloudwatcher

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Joined
Aug 14, 2019
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3
Location
North Carolina
I went 17 days without hurting myself, which is the longest I've gone in months. I really hate myself, and hate myself for continuing to do this. The last time I hurt myself it got infected, which is why I think I was able to stop myself for so long. But yesterday I couldn't get out of bed. I had so much work to do, work I really wanted to do, but I couldn't do anything, could barely get myself to eat and go to the bathroom. I smoked more than twice what I normally do, and just getting up to do those things was so hard.

Because I wasn't getting up and doing the things I was supposed to do, I wanted to do, it just made me hate myself even more. So I started hurting myself again. And it made it a little better. But that feeling always goes away, and so I do it again. I thought about killing myself, which I think about all the time. I self harmed instead.

I feel so lonely, and like I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I don't want my family to worry, or think they did something wrong, so I don't tell them. I don't want to burden my friends, or have them think I'm crazy, or whatever else they'll think. I'm moving right now so I don't have a therapist or anything.

It seems like I've always felt this way, always been this way, and always will, and I don't know how I can break the cycle.
 
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iWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH2

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Jan 6, 2019
Messages
823
You're going through a very hard time. I am sorry. Please do get help right away. Here for you. Hope it gets better for you. 🤗
 
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cloudwatcher

New member
Joined
Aug 14, 2019
Messages
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Location
North Carolina
I don't really know how to get help right now. I'm not at home to see my therapist, and won't be settled where I'm moving for a few months. Even when I do see a therapist, it doesn't really feel helpful at all, and hasn't helped me stop.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
436
Location
Netherlands
I don't really know how to get help right now. I'm not at home to see my therapist, and won't be settled where I'm moving for a few months. Even when I do see a therapist, it doesn't really feel helpful at all, and hasn't helped me stop.
Feel you.. if you want to talk pm me.
Have the same thing going
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Apr 9, 2011
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32,383
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Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hi ,here to listen and support x please don't end your life you are valuable to the world
lean on the forum for support but please also seek some RL support
love Lu xxx
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Mar 9, 2012
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7,204
Location
Tigger and Willow's house
17 days wow that's amazing, you are so brave :hug:

Keep talking to us here and please try again to stop self harm :hug:
 
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cloudwatcher

New member
Joined
Aug 14, 2019
Messages
3
Location
North Carolina
I don't feel valuable to the world. I feel pretty worthless a lot of the time. I'm not really sure how to get help at this point. I've talked to a therapist before, but I don't know how to talk about this, or make it better.
 
vanish

vanish

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Sep 29, 2014
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1,934
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Hey cloudwatcher, never be afraid of bringing up the subject of self harm with your therapist. After all, they’re there to help and support you in your recovery. When I used to self harm, I found the development of a coping toolbox really helpful. Mine is a physical box which has all sorts of things (things I find soothing as well as things I can distract with) in the box. You can make it as personal to you as you like. Perhaps this is something your therapist can work with you on?
Don’t give up, I second Fairy Lucretia, you are valuable as there’s only one you!
 
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