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Dec 28, 2015

I should begin by saying that I am undiagnosed. My mother was bi-polar (along with a myriad of other health issues) and I have long carried the fear that this is something that would impact me later in life. I think I am at the point where I need to talk to someone.

I posted here about five years ago. I just read my post. At the time, I had just started a new career, had a young daughter but I felt that I was not quite good enough professionally.

So now I am five years into my career. I don't mind what I am doing but I have switched jobs three times in five years. It has always been for more money but the constant here is me. Every place I have been at I have left either because I was unhappy and just happened to land a different job, or because I had concerns about being fired. I am at that precipice with my current job and I am trying to catch myself before I leave this job.

Sorry to blabber but if you could follow: So I don't like my job because I feel like they are going to fire me. This is upsetting to me so when I get home I am on edge with my family (my Wife and lovely, joyous five year old daughter). I detach myself from them as a mechanism to avoid getting frustrated/angry/upset. This sounds familiar, doesn't it? The constant here is me.

I don't know what this is.
I don't know why I cannot find something that brings me joy.
What should bring me joy becomes collateral damage.
The job has always been the issue, but is it actually the job since I have changed jobs several times and the result is the same?
How much of this is "normal" behavior and how much of this is the fears of my mothers MH issues surfacing?
What am I dealing with here?

It is to the point where it effects my life because I have my family on edge when I am around because I cannot seem to pull my stuff together. That feeling is worse than not knowing what is wrong.

Thank you in advance if anyone ends up reading this.


Feb 24, 2020
Manchester, UK
Speaking with a counselor would benefit you possibly. If it's affecting your life then it worth exploring. Your mother's issues are hers, try not to let them take over your mind. It sounds like you haven't been fired so maybe an irrational fear? To a degree there will always be worries to an extent about things and I'm right there with you with trying to figure out what makes me happy. Don't beat yourself help about things. It will all be sorted, talking therapy seems like it would help a great deal.

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