It is a never ending mess.

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discolored

New member
Joined
Jun 30, 2018
Messages
1
#1
Hi.My story with starving myself has started when I was only 14 years old.Since I hit puberty I used to be overweight and I always hated myself.Long story short,I dieted since I was 14. I never knew how to maintain the weight that I lost,so I used to just gain the weight back,and then lose it again by starvation and then gain it again.I am 20 years old now and I still struggle with feeling absolutely disguisting with my body,even though I am thin now.Last year was the worst period of my life. I felt like giving up on everything. Yeah,I did lose a lot of weight but I wasn't happy. I isolated myself from everyone in my life. Since then I did maintain the weight,untill now. I reconnected with a friend that I isolated myself from a year ago and I just started living again,going to the parties,to the movies etc. I gained some weight. I strted obsessing over it. I had to lose it. It was insane. I cried today for no reason. I really thought that I was finally living normally for the past couple of months,and now I don't know anything. Everybody tells me that I look good,healthy and thin,but I just feel disgusting. It will never end,will it?
 
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Helena1

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
Oct 11, 2014
Messages
9,800
Location
UK
#2
Have you had therapy? There is loads of things to do to improve your self esteem.
Are you still going out with your friend? Sounds like you were making a lot of progress, it is normal to have blips and stuff.
 
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Mary26

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 28, 2018
Messages
149
Location
USA
#3
Actually, you don't have to live like this. It is absolutely possible to recover from an eating disorder. I did and I work in a treatment program where everyone from the therapists to the nutritionists had an eating disorder and have been recovered for many years.There are clients in our program who have been suffering for a very long time and are finally committed to recovery (and doing great!) So when you're ready, you might want to consider a treatment program that's right for you. I wish you the very best!