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It has been awhile. . ..

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Baffled

New member
Joined
Oct 16, 2013
Messages
4
It has been a while since I have been here. Originally, I came to this forum for someone else, but I guess I am the one messed up. The older I get the worse it gets. My doctor of 20 years is retiring and I have to find a new shrink. You all know how exhausting that is. I have addictive behavior depression, and OCD (not the cleaning orderly kind but the obsessive thoughts) and I'm a big isolator. Been clean from alcohol for over 11 years but I've gambled myself into a tissy. I spent 11 years helping people and stopped when my job of 9 years went to hell. Now here I am back to suicide idealization and not wanting to leave my house, unless to gamble early in the morning in a corner smoking cigs and hiding from the world. I'm tired and I'm afraid once I get elderly, I'm gonna be totally out of my mind. I don't even know why I'm here. Ha. Well, Just lurking and vomiting nothing of substance here. Have a good one.
 
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Yodagirl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2019
Messages
626
Location
Georgia USA
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Finding a new psychiatrist can be hard, especially a good one you feel comfortable with. I’ve dealt with Anxiety and depression most of my life. But just recently diagnosed with bipolar 1 and OCD the clean freak kind as well as intrusive thoughts. I’m here if you need someone to chat with.
 
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Yodagirl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2019
Messages
626
Location
Georgia USA
Are you currently on any medicine and if so is it helping at all?
 
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Baffled

New member
Joined
Oct 16, 2013
Messages
4
Right now I'm just on Cymbalta. I used to take Topamax with it but got off of that when I quit drinking. My mom is 97 and I swear she's gonna outlive me and my siblings. I dated someone for a while with CPTSD and it really shook me. I've been messed since and cannot seem to be around people much. Being a person who suffers from depression, I am so disappointed I could not handle his situation. Everything went down from there. Now, I lost my job (in my 50s), my shrink, my money (gambling) and just spiraling down. I went from being super strong in recovery and working with people to a big loser in my 50s and if my mom wasn't still alive I fear my suicide idealization thoughts will become real. When I was an active drinker I tried three times. When I got sober I was too chicken. I'm sorry. I'm just all over the map. The only thing going for me right now is I haven't picked up a drink.
 
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