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It’s getting worse

Talina

Talina

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2020
Messages
449
Location
Sweden
I’ve lately always felt nauseated and want to cry when I need to walk outside the door. I’m trying to listen to music when needing to go to the university but it becomes so hard.

I often want to avoid eating breakfast in the mornings, just to make it easier to handle. But I know not eating breakfast will make my brain not follow the lectures.

When I eat something the nauseating becomes worse, which sometimes ends with me sitting on the bathroom floor. Because I just feel like I will vomit. I also need to be sure there a bathroom nearby where I go, because the more nervous and scared I get. I will get this feeling I need to go to the bathroom, even though I don’t need it.

I don’t even feel hunger anymore, I just eat because I know my body will need it to work properly. At least I have put up a border to at least eat two meals/ day. Just to make sure I don’t skip too many meals.

And all I want to do right now is change my appointment with the psychologist for a later time. I’m trying to keep my mind off it, so I won’t push it for a later time again.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,287
Location
England
I am so sorry your anxiety is causing you so much distress. Are you on any anxiety medication? It could help with the physical symptoms. I know your mum does not agree with medication but maybe you could see the doctor without her knowing? It is scary having to see the psychologist but just know that in the long term it will help you so much.
 
Talina

Talina

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2020
Messages
449
Location
Sweden
I am so sorry your anxiety is causing you so much distress. Are you on any anxiety medication? It could help with the physical symptoms. I know your mum does not agree with medication but maybe you could see the doctor without her knowing? It is scary having to see the psychologist but just know that in the long term it will help you so much.
I pushed my first appointment, so I have no medication for anxiety. I’m going to go without telling her but I just want to push it for a later time.

I know I will have to go, because when I move out again. I truly don’t want to isolate myself again. Because I didn’t take care of myself the best when I didn’t live at home and skipped many meals. It got so bad I had stomach aches every day and lost weight because of skipping meals.

I have trouble walking outdoors, but I always try to focus on different things when being outdoors. I can’t go outside without my headset and if I sit on the train I need to have a book or reading an e-book on the phone. So I don’t focus all too much of the people around me.

My parents don’t really understand and often get mad over that I’m “shy”. I will have my first appointment the 12 october.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,287
Location
England
You are being so so brave. To push yourself to go out despite feeling afraid is really courageous. I think you using your headset is a great distraction technique. It is hard when parents do not understand us. I am glad you have the appointment on the 12th.
 
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