Issues i need to get off my chest

1

123roppo

Active member
Joined
Feb 23, 2018
Messages
39
It's 6am and yet again I'm sat on my bathroom floor crying. I've not posted here in a while because things are looking up for me for once. I got lucky about 5 months ago and got the opportunity to move out of my parents into a supported accommodation, I must say it was the best choice I could have ever made for myself. That was supposed until recent.

A few weeks ago I hit rock bottom again and long story short ended up back in hospital, it had been two years since my last admission, it was only a three day stay but it was still an huge nock for me.

Since coming out of hospital I took myself off my medication, I know the risks I've had enough people tell me, I just didn't want to keep taking something that wasn't helping me anymore. It's been almost 3 weeks without them and I have to say I'm not feeling any different, other than the sleeping issues, I still feel as low as when I was on them and still having really bad days and good ones too.

I've requested to see my consultant to discuss a different medication ect and have had a lot of chats with my care coordinator about my meds ect. Being told that there is 8 people who are waiting on appointments before me so it could be a while before things get sorted. Won't lie it's a horrible place to be knowing I need this appointment and having to wait day to day hoping I get a call, I know I need meds because I'm seriously depressed at the moment and I'm not sleeping at all. It's just the waiting yet again and I know I'm not the only one. So that's one issue that's bothering me.

Then there's the chat I had with my cpn on Friday, he's got a lady ringing me this week regarding some group therapy, A coping with emotions group more specifically. I can't help but feel like I'm running before I can walk right now, if you get what I mean. As much as I want to be well and "normal" It scares me massively, it's like I don't know who or what I am without being like this. I don't know anything but this, the self harm, the sadness ect... My cpn has been trying to do some DBT work with me recently and every time I see him it's like I find an excuse to not do it, I seem to find something else to do and talk about so I don't have to do it. I don't get why I'm so scared of being well and it really really bothers me. I hope I'm not the only one who feels like this.

Thanks for reading ❤💕
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
789
Location
Norfolk
It's 6am and yet again I'm sat on my bathroom floor crying. I've not posted here in a while because things are looking up for me for once. I got lucky about 5 months ago and got the opportunity to move out of my parents into a supported accommodation, I must say it was the best choice I could have ever made for myself. That was supposed until recent.

A few weeks ago I hit rock bottom again and long story short ended up back in hospital, it had been two years since my last admission, it was only a three day stay but it was still an huge nock for me.

Since coming out of hospital I took myself off my medication, I know the risks I've had enough people tell me, I just didn't want to keep taking something that wasn't helping me anymore. It's been almost 3 weeks without them and I have to say I'm not feeling any different, other than the sleeping issues, I still feel as low as when I was on them and still having really bad days and good ones too.

I've requested to see my consultant to discuss a different medication ect and have had a lot of chats with my care coordinator about my meds ect. Being told that there is 8 people who are waiting on appointments before me so it could be a while before things get sorted. Won't lie it's a horrible place to be knowing I need this appointment and having to wait day to day hoping I get a call, I know I need meds because I'm seriously depressed at the moment and I'm not sleeping at all. It's just the waiting yet again and I know I'm not the only one. So that's one issue that's bothering me.

Then there's the chat I had with my cpn on Friday, he's got a lady ringing me this week regarding some group therapy, A coping with emotions group more specifically. I can't help but feel like I'm running before I can walk right now, if you get what I mean. As much as I want to be well and "normal" It scares me massively, it's like I don't know who or what I am without being like this. I don't know anything but this, the self harm, the sadness ect... My cpn has been trying to do some DBT work with me recently and every time I see him it's like I find an excuse to not do it, I seem to find something else to do and talk about so I don't have to do it. I don't get why I'm so scared of being well and it really really bothers me. I hope I'm not the only one who feels like this.

Thanks for reading ❤💕
After a lifetime of being ill and having all the self destructive behaviour that goes with it, it does feel strange when you are feeling better. I can relate to not really knowing who you are anymore. However, it’s nothing to be afraid of, after all it’s the real you, free of suffering, more at peace with the world. Any chance you get of DBT, get rid of any aversion and grasp it with both hands. It will certainly aid your recovery.
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
789
Location
Norfolk
After a lifetime of being ill and having all the self destructive behaviour that goes with it, it does feel strange when you are feeling better. I can relate to not really knowing who you are anymore. However, it’s nothing to be afraid of, after all it’s the real you, free of suffering, more at peace with the world. Any chance you get of DBT, get rid of any aversion and grasp it with both hands. It will certainly aid your recovery.
..and if it’s a few weeks since you stopped medication it’s now that you’re going to be feeling the effects of it coming out of the body. It’s not something I would ever do as you never know just how depressed you are until you try and you might end up in an intolerable place. I’d be very mindful of your thoughts feelings and emotions at the moment and get back to the doctor if you feel yourself slipping. 🤗
 
1

123roppo

Active member
Joined
Feb 23, 2018
Messages
39
Thank you. I'm thinking of making a good appointment on Monday because of the sleep ect, see if there something they can do while I'm waiting for an appointment with my mental health consultant. I doubt he or she will do anything but it's worth a try, to be completely honest things do seem to be feeling a bit worse as the days go on.
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
789
Location
Norfolk
Thank you. I'm thinking of making a good appointment on Monday because of the sleep ect, see if there something they can do while I'm waiting for an appointment with my mental health consultant. I doubt he or she will do anything but it's worth a try, to be completely honest things do seem to be feeling a bit worse as the days go on.
Credit yourself for realising how you are feeling and why this may be so. Make the appointment on Monday and try not to do so with any judgement of what may or may not happen. Just go there with an open mind, be honest in how you are feeling and see what happens. Then take it from there. 🤗
 
Z

Zoe1

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Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
1,250
Location
Nowhere
n yeah I think it was there sleep problems
that drove me to my second hospital admission
I never thought I would take a sleeping pill
but I was desperate so I tried it
im still taking it it is zopiclone
and I was pleasantly surprised with it
does not make me feel groggy or hung over or anything
it only gives me about 4 or 5 hours
but recently I find I can go back to sleep again after I woke up

cheering you on too !

:cheer::grouphug:
 

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