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Isolation in Recovery

sirenserenade

sirenserenade

Active member
Joined
May 12, 2019
Messages
28
Location
U.K
Hello,

I've recently been able to leave the house on a regular basis - regular for me, anyway - which is a huge achievement. I wouldn't say that I can leave the house every single day, and I'm still filled with constant dread and fear when I'm outside, but I still force myself to leave the house two to six times a week.

With this new step in my recovery from agoraphobia, I've started to desire friendship more. I do not have a single friend, other than my immediate family and my partner, and I find myself craving platonic connections with others.

I'm hesitant to make friends, though. I'm not really in a position to make friends as whilst I am in university, I only have sixteen hours per week of in-person lectures, and we aren't allowed to talk to other pupils as it interferes with the students who have to attend the lectures online in a videocall. I've spoken to the other pupils as much as I can, but not enough to see if I can add them on social media to build a friendship with them, and not enough to ask them if we can meet up outside of the lecture hall.

I had a bad experience in college where I lost all of my friends within a small space of time, and after a while they reached out and apologised to me when they realised I hadn't done anything wrong - it was someone else - I didn't feel like I could trust them again.

Aside from university, I don't see anyone within my peer group. I'm still in the early stages of recovery where attending a social group for crafts or sports just isn't possible for me yet. I think if I were to have friends I could meet up with (following Covid measures) I'd struggle to travel to see them since leaving the house is still not easy for me on a regular basis, particularly when I have a bad experience when I do leave the house.

I'd like to know if anyone else is in a similar situation, or if you've managed to make and maintain friendships online.
I recently tried to make friends from a different forum, but most people that were interested in me ended up trying to talk to me about s*xual topics which made me incredibly uncomfortable, even though I explicitly said that I wasn't interested in s*xual conversations.

I'm sorry for this wall of text, I just wanted to explain myself to try to get my ramblings to make sense. Thank you, if you read all of this :)
 
J

Justfrozen

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 11, 2021
Messages
511
Location
UK
I am just trying to start my new life and this is socialising with people again. I feel I am the loneliest person on the planet and unable to make friends.
I have been trying but with no avail so far. Where roughly in the uk are you?
 
Siegfried

Siegfried

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2021
Messages
506
Location
South America.
In my years long experience of trying to find meaningful friendships online I'd say your chances at success are very low, of course it always depends much on just what sort of person you are and what type of person you're looking for.

But as a general rule unless you're looking for something for something fairly shallow and specific (people with whom to play games is the classical example) then its going to be difficult.

My advice is that if you truly must try then just maybe pick a few communities and stick with them to the long run. Not necessarily to be active yourself but just to keep an eye on people on them, just lurk around see if you can find someone that catches your eye, someone that seems like the type you're looking for to strike a friendship with. The advantage of forums is that you get to see everything they post, when they're happy, sad, angry, depressed and in most you don't get to delete that so with someone that has been active for a while you can get a solid picture of at least who they appear to be as a whole.

It sounds a bit stalkerish and it sort of is but its kind of the one effective filter/tool you have.

Also, if you want to a little helpful tip in how to filter out the horny dudes just looking for pictures, don't initially mention you have partner (no lies, just don't be specific about it) and a bit later casually bring it up. Then see if their attitude towards you changes at all, if it doesn't, then you likely have one that's also just looking for something platonic.
 
sirenserenade

sirenserenade

Active member
Joined
May 12, 2019
Messages
28
Location
U.K
I am just trying to start my new life and this is socialising with people again. I feel I am the loneliest person on the planet and unable to make friends.
I have been trying but with no avail so far. Where roughly in the uk are you?

I'm in the East right now!
 
sirenserenade

sirenserenade

Active member
Joined
May 12, 2019
Messages
28
Location
U.K
In my years long experience of trying to find meaningful friendships online I'd say your chances at success are very low, of course it always depends much on just what sort of person you are and what type of person you're looking for.

But as a general rule unless you're looking for something for something fairly shallow and specific (people with whom to play games is the classical example) then its going to be difficult.

My advice is that if you truly must try then just maybe pick a few communities and stick with them to the long run. Not necessarily to be active yourself but just to keep an eye on people on them, just lurk around see if you can find someone that catches your eye, someone that seems like the type you're looking for to strike a friendship with. The advantage of forums is that you get to see everything they post, when they're happy, sad, angry, depressed and in most you don't get to delete that so with someone that has been active for a while you can get a solid picture of at least who they appear to be as a whole.

It sounds a bit stalkerish and it sort of is but its kind of the one effective filter/tool you have.

Also, if you want to a little helpful tip in how to filter out the horny dudes just looking for pictures, don't initially mention you have partner (no lies, just don't be specific about it) and a bit later casually bring it up. Then see if their attitude towards you changes at all, if it doesn't, then you likely have one that's also just looking for something platonic.

Thank you for your reply, and your wonderful advice. I think I have already been following it, for the most part, including feeling somewhat guilty about the stalker-esque behaviour. I'll keep trying, though, and you've certainly given me a morale boost.

I've also tried that tip before, with mixed results. Some people learn after a while that I have a partner and respect that, whilst others claim that any cheating will be a secret! I think I'll just have to seek friends in other places, and appreciate those who understand my boundaries.

Again, thank you for the thoughtful response, I'm truly grateful.
 
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