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Isolated my self for years and now cant recover because i don't know how to speak

SGabrielB

SGabrielB

New member
Joined
Jan 29, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Australia
Ive had social anxiety for as long as i can remember but was only diagnosed at 13 and didn’t really start treatment till 19 so for most of my life I've not really spoken and now that i’m nearly 21 and im really at the lowest i could possibly be i want to recover but i don't know how because i cant talk to people and dont know how? I had friends in highschool but it was mostly just me copying there interest and talking very little but saying what i knew they wanted to hear. they had adopted me into their group and i had spent so much time getting to know them by how the spoke to eachother i knew what to say to please them. But this kinda stuff dosent work with adults ive found and its harder cos as a kid its easy to be seen as shy but as an adult im expected to be not weird so i cant just quietly hover around potential friends for a few months before i figure out how to speak to them u know. I dont have any friends anymore because its hard to talk to them when i dont know what to say so they've stopped trying and dont blame them tbh.

I guess i just wanna know if anyone else has experience this and gotten out of it. Putting my self out there and just giving it a go or whatever aint gonna work for me cos I literally just have no clue what to say to people. I have tried and i just dig my self deeper. Are there like specialised classes that teach people specifically adults how to converse?
 
Acorn

Acorn

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2020
Messages
722
Location
England
Hello and welcome to the forum :welcome:

I’m not sure about specialised classes but therapy would defiantly help. When I struggled to talk I used art therapy and online therapy as a starting point. It gave me confidence and as I got more I started pen pal friendships and emails then went on to joining pottery classes to give the social interaction a focus. The talk was all about pottery and we branched our from there. Do you have any interests you can peruse like that?
 
G

George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
325
Hello welcome. I’m so sorry to hear about that. It sounds like you’ve isolated yourself because of exclusion and having bad social experiences. I know and feel how frustrating that is. I’m not trying to make this about me in any way but I and many know. That doesn’t mean it’s ok. I’m a 27 yr old male and have spent all my life alone and isolated. I’ve never felt truly accepted and loved except here and a few other health forums. The only people who have shown me acceptance are my parents. I’ve never had real friends who didn’t turn into back stabbing assholes. You like me have isolated ourselves because we’ve had more then our fair share of pain and social misery. Believe me from what I’ve read there isn’t anything about you or your post that would make me dislike you. Having cause to isolate yourself for whatever reason is one of the worst experiences a human can have. Other people look at us like we’re weird, weak, inept, whatever name calling they want because they don’t know the deep level of agony a life of true forced loneliness can bring. It’s not just our social life it ruins, it can hurt literally EVERY aspect of our lives. Anyway I’m sorry if this isn’t a very helpful answer. You can reach out to me or anyone here any time.
 
G

George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
325
Let me add also, the shorter version of what I wrote. I’ve been in a self made cocoon. I can relate immensely to how you’re feeling and feeling handicapped socially because I’ve been isolated so long. It’s like I’ve been in a desert island for 15 yrs and know nothing about the culture, except I dislike it very much. Can’t say hate because you can’t hate what you don’t know. It seems like it’s constantly changing so when you do finally come out they say something along the lines of to ‘that’s so last year. You’re old timer. That’s out dated. Retro, boomer, again name calling. That’s why I have come to learn that I am truly happier by myself and that might or might not be for you. I kept this as short as I could and I’m sorry if this isn’t helpful just know that I’m here to listen and many others here care about you too.
 
SGabrielB

SGabrielB

New member
Joined
Jan 29, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Australia
Let me add also, the shorter version of what I wrote. I’ve been in a self made cocoon. I can relate immensely to how you’re feeling and feeling handicapped socially because I’ve been isolated so long. It’s like I’ve been in a desert island for 15 yrs and know nothing about the culture, except I dislike it very much. Can’t say hate because you can’t hate what you don’t know. It seems like it’s constantly changing so when you do finally come out they say something along the lines of to ‘that’s so last year. You’re old timer. That’s out dated. Retro, boomer, again name calling. That’s why I have come to learn that I am truly happier by myself and that might or might not be for you. I kept this as short as I could and I’m sorry if this isn’t helpful just know that I’m here to listen and many others here care about you too.
That last part resonsted with me i think i do feel happy without others but and don’t necessarily crave human interaction its just outside influence (my parents) who are constantly berating me on it that make me feel guilty as well and people looking down on me for not having any becase the general assumption would be because im a weirdo.
Nome the less i do appreciate your reply thank you :)
 
SGabrielB

SGabrielB

New member
Joined
Jan 29, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Australia
Hello and welcome to the forum :welcome:

I’m not sure about specialised classes but therapy would defiantly help. When I struggled to talk I used art therapy and online therapy as a starting point. It gave me confidence and as I got more I started pen pal friendships and emails then went on to joining pottery classes to give the social interaction a focus. The talk was all about pottery and we branched our from there. Do you have any interests you can peruse like that?
Thankyou you for reply. I have done therapy before briefly but i just found it so difficult as when i talk i feel like I'm attention seeking and in turns of hobbies i have a few but unfortunately money kinda restricts them
 
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