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Isolated in Hull

cloudberry

cloudberry

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
409
Location
North Lincolnshire
Hi to all, its good to find this forum. I feel very isolated, am a resident of Hull. I had a nervous breakdown after having to make two women I had employed for quite a while redundant. Then they set up an almost identical business to mine just up the road and took loads of clients, copied my formulations etc. It broke my heart.
I took Citalopram, but then hit the bottle. I was advised to double the dosage, so did and it caused me to have a major seizure which broke my jaw and dislodged three teeth, so a neurologist said I had to get off the medication.
Coming off it caused me to have another breakdown and became seriously suicidal. I had 33 stitches in three wounds I caused with a blade. Three weeks later I tried again with a hose pipe and my car exhaust. I was reported by a passing cyclist. The police broke into my car and forced me to go to hospital.
A few hours later I was back home on my own again.
It took me four years of waiting to get councelling on the NHS.
I now see a psychotherapist and its pretty heavy going.

I dont work anymore. Havnt for two years. The betrayal was horrendous. The women also got two of my receptionists to leave and join them too. Eventually the last therapist I employed also left and joined them.

One of the women had been my best friend. I trusted her with everything.

I dont know how to recover from this. I hate being so miserable, I would like to stop hurting. I feel so alone.

I've just had a four day binge drink. Today I am stopping it as its not really helping me. But I suppose it does help numb the pain.

I'm sending all good wishes to all people on the group. I hope my intro wasnt too awful.

cloudberry
 
scottsblue

scottsblue

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Joined
Apr 20, 2008
Messages
1,902
Location
England
aw sounds like you`ve fought world war 1 an 2 on ur own, poor soul.

i hope you find new dreams and a new passion soon:)
:welcome: to the forum.
 
cloudberry

cloudberry

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
409
Location
North Lincolnshire
thankyou

thankyou for your kind words of support, its very welcome this morning!
 
Fedup

Fedup

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Joined
Dec 18, 2007
Messages
1,937
Hello & :welcome: to MHF :)
Do you have family supporting you ?
 
cloudberry

cloudberry

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
409
Location
North Lincolnshire
family

no, they dont live around here, my dad is supportive but he lives in Spain, but rings me most days and helps me financially.

I cant talk to him about how I am really feeling as it would upset him, so I just say "i'm fine" or at worst "its a bit challenging at the moment" and thats as far as I go.

There is a self help group for self harm and personality disorders here. I've not been before, its at ten thrity this morning. I am trying to make myself go....

Will be the first time I have left the house since Friday morning if I do.

I must try.
Though it will probably be crap. I went to Blues Busters last week and not even the organisers turned up!

You've got to laugh.
 
nickh

nickh

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Joined
Feb 14, 2008
Messages
1,428
Location
Birmingham UK
Hi and :welcome: cloudberry. I see you have already found the Selby forum set up by the wonderful honeyquince so hopefully you can talk about stuff going on in your area.

Nick.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Hi Cloudberry, you really have had it rough but you can start again. Life won't be the same but different can be really good. Alcohol doesn't numb the pain (and speaking as a long term recovering alcoholic I'm talking from very personal experience) and it doesn't help either in the short term or the long term. It's hard being in the position you're in at the moment but you can change things I think. All of us on here are battling in our own ways but I know that since I came here I feel as though the battlefield is a bit less fraught and I can cope with things a little easier.
 
yakuza

yakuza

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Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Messages
812
Location
Edinburgh
:welcome: to the forum cloudberry

If I could offer one piece of advice regarding the binge drinking which is it's safer to gradually reduce the alcohol intake particularly as you report having had a seizure in the past.

Hope you enjoy the forum (y)
 
Libra1

Libra1

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Founding Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
515
Location
West Midlands
Hi and :welcome: to MHF, we are here 24/7 :hug: Hope you make many new friends here and find lots of support too. :flowers:
 
E

eaglefly

Guest
:welcome: to mhf hope you find what you are looking for in your journey :grouphug:
 
cloudberry

cloudberry

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
409
Location
North Lincolnshire
Thankyou

(y)

I've had a really wonderful welcome to this group of forums. Thankyou to everyone who has taken the time to greet me. I now know even if I am physically isolated here at home on my own I can chat a bit on here.

Also reading some of the back post threads is very interesting and informative too.

The sun is shining and I am feeling better than I did for the last few days. Only drank three cans yesterday - more of less to slow down my withdrawal symptoms, took me six hours to drink them, so not bad going at all. Try and get back on my supplements today and hopefully be feeling tickety boo by the end of the week.

Hope everyone has a good day.

:grouphug:

cloudberry
 
C

cookie34

Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2008
Messages
7
Location
Bd area
Hello

Hi there Clouberry,

it sounds like you have had an awful roller coaster of a ride in life recently, and that you are trying to battle out of the darkness. It is good that you are trying to stay positive and find ways of widening your support network.

I too am a newbie here and whilst cant comment as yet on this forum, it does look a superb place to find, empathy, support and encouragement!


I can see how difficult things are for you and like someone else noted on here , we all struggle with our own demons in different ways. Life is a constant source of battles but it looks to me like you want to move on and feel better and I am glad that you are getting help through Psychotherapy. I counsel in a counselling agency and know the scary, lonely feeling that talking through all you issues and baring your soul to a therapist brings. I would encourage you to keep working at it and notice how well you are doing even if some days feel blacker than others.


Feel free to contact me anytime if you would just like a chat! I believe that we can all help each other, just by listening and truly hearing what someone has to say!


Caroline :grouphug:
 
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