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Is this what it means to have a FP?

Manicotti

Manicotti

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Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
341
Location
Montana
Hi all, I have a question.

So sometimes I'll get obsessed with a random person in my life. But it's not like I'm attracted to them or anything, it's just really weird and I feel messed up. For example, when I was at the hospital the cook there was a super nice dude. I would think about him a lot and how nice he was and how good his food was, and I even wrote him a thank you note. It's like I was stuck fixated on him, but not like I "liked" him in that way if that makes sense.

Am I crazy, or is this what having a FP means?
 
O

Orangeade

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 23, 2021
Messages
1,739
Location
England
Hi all, I have a question.

So sometimes I'll get obsessed with a random person in my life. But it's not like I'm attracted to them or anything, it's just really weird and I feel messed up. For example, when I was at the hospital the cook there was a super nice dude. I would think about him a lot and how nice he was and how good his food was, and I even wrote him a thank you note. It's like I was stuck fixated on him, but not like I "liked" him in that way if that makes sense.

Am I crazy, or is this what having a FP means?
A person who has helped me understand my bpd and having a fp is @stevie_sloth. Sorry to tag u again, but i feel you have such a real insight into things and have helped me a lot :)
 
AnxiousE

AnxiousE

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Jan 8, 2020
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3,835
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USA
Let me preface, i don't have a bpd dx, but I've been asking about FPs for years now. As i understand it, I've experienced this from time to time. In fact, I've had an FP practically almost all the time in the last 5 or so years, except for now. Many times it does accompany a sort of crush feeling, but not always. In that instance, it was a deep connection i felt with a friend and good conversation. I was really sad when we stopped talking after time. I don't even know what happened, but i just assume they got busy with life. I had another one or two since then and those were celebrities...but they were such down to earth types that it almost felt like i knew them. The feelings and preoccupations were front and foremost in my life. It can be a fine thing when things are going good, but it really sucks when they're gone for awhile. Eventually, it got to a point where they felt distant again, and I've since moved on. Usually i tend to replace my FPs, but i think my medications right now have sortof calmed my intense feelings, so I'm not as obsessed...just mildly obsessed or "obsessed" these days. I don't know if this helps you, but i would think if you're considering you might have an FP, you probably do. It doesn't necessarily mean you have a diagnosis of bpd though.
 
Manicotti

Manicotti

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
341
Location
Montana
I have a diagnosis of BPD. I was thinking about it more, and I think it has to do with my dad being emotionally distant. It seems I get attached to men around my dad's age who show kindness or any sort of "fatherliness" to me. Just feel like a weirdo because I think I've been mistaking my great feelings of admiration and attatchement as a "crush" when it really isn't. Thinking through that makes me feel better and less creepy.
 
Manicotti

Manicotti

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
341
Location
Montana
Thanks guys. I just couldn't talk to my therapist about it because I have the weird attachment thing going on with him too 🤦‍♂️
 
AnxiousE

AnxiousE

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Jan 8, 2020
Messages
3,835
Location
USA
Thanks guys. I just couldn't talk to my therapist about it because I have the weird attachment thing going on with him too 🤦‍♂️
This is not an unusual thing. I was just reminded that i had it with my female therapist for a while and im a female. I think it was more of the motherly type thing though. I think i mentioned the attachment factor to her once when i started seeing her years ago, because she let me email her. I thought it might not be good to get in habit of it, but at the same time it was good she was there. I think admitting it to her helped me move past it. Just something to consider. You don't have to even talk about obsessing, just talk about how you feel cared for and long for that and miss it or something. :)
 
H

hairybanana

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Joined
Aug 18, 2021
Messages
5,363
Location
Australia
Thanks guys. I just couldn't talk to my therapist about it because I have the weird attachment thing going on with him too 🤦‍♂️
Hey mate 👋 its not weird, and as noted it tends to come with the bpd territory. I’m sure your therapist would understand why you have developed that attachment to him, and honestly I’m certain you wouldn’t be the only one. Think it’s probably quite a normal response to have really regardless of a bpd diagnosis
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Mar 31, 2015
Messages
3,146
Location
Australia
@AnxiousE
Your description is pretty much how I've experienced FPs.

I used to think I had a crush on the person, and that developed into real love and a relationship. I had no idea it was anything else until I felt "those" feelings for a friend, but no sexual or romantic interest. I was confused. Then my next FP was another crush that became a relationship. My current FP is platonic, but a much closer friendship than the previous platonic one.

Then I realised I'd had celebrity crushes / obsessions since I was 13 years old. They were what I think of now as "passive FPs".

I don't think you need to have BPD to have FP-type relationship or friendship patterns. I have BPD. I also have cPTSD which can sometimes cause FP-type relationships too I think.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
3,146
Location
Australia
Let me preface, i don't have a bpd dx, but I've been asking about FPs for years now. As i understand it, I've experienced this from time to time. In fact, I've had an FP practically almost all the time in the last 5 or so years, except for now. Many times it does accompany a sort of crush feeling, but not always. In that instance, it was a deep connection i felt with a friend and good conversation. I was really sad when we stopped talking after time. I don't even know what happened, but i just assume they got busy with life. I had another one or two since then and those were celebrities...but they were such down to earth types that it almost felt like i knew them. The feelings and preoccupations were front and foremost in my life. It can be a fine thing when things are going good, but it really sucks when they're gone for awhile. Eventually, it got to a point where they felt distant again, and I've since moved on. Usually i tend to replace my FPs, but i think my medications right now have sortof calmed my intense feelings, so I'm not as obsessed...just mildly obsessed or "obsessed" these days. I don't know if this helps you, but i would think if you're considering you might have an FP, you probably do. It doesn't necessarily mean you have a diagnosis of bpd though.
Sorry, this is the post I was referring to above!
 
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